Social Media Tips For When You’re Blackout Drunk

February 22, 2012 § Leave a comment

I’ll never remember the first time that I got blackout drunk.

But I do remember the situation surrounding that “lost time” and how I felt the next day.  It was shortly after high school graduation and some friends invited me over to a get-together at another friend’s house.  I was late to said party and by this time many of my pals and confidants were already getting pretty tipsy and I felt the need to catch up.

At this age, I couldn’t exactly BYOB so I had to make due with what I could find to drink at this girl’s house and what I found was a bottle of Black Label whiskey.  The “catch up” involved taking as many shots in succession as I could until I started to feel drunk.  Mind you, I was not much of a drinker.

Until I turned 21, I actually hardly ever broke that law and not because I was on some moral high ground but because the situation just didn’t arise that often.

So my inexperience led to improperly downing a lot of whiskey fast and furiously until before I knew it I was running around in the backyard with my shirt off, or so I am told.  That’s the part that’s really scary; when other people tell you what you did.   Holy shit, did I just erase some of my brain?  Am I permanently fucked up?  How could I possibly do things that I don’t remember?!  This was about eight years before The Hangover, so I didn’t really know what the hell was going on.

I sit here now, some 30+ blackouts later (oh geez, does that sound bad?) realizing that it ain’t no thang.  Or maybe it is a thang.  I don’t know, that’s just college, man.  And post-college.  And yesterday.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not like I get that drunk as often now as I did in college.  Most of that debauchery came during my three years at Washington State University and there was a two year period after that when I was in a relationship and hardly ever drank.  I can say with total honesty and confidence that I am in control but then lose that control of my own volition every so often.  I would be lying if I said I hadn’t blacked out in 2012.

Which brings us to the crux of this article and the point of how getting super wasted in 2012 is nothing like it was when I was 18.  When I drank all of that whiskey and ran around the backyard screaming at the top of my lungs, the only people that I could have shown that level of drunkenness to were my friends in that backyard.  That was it.  And they were drunk too, so who cares?

Ten years later we not only have Facebook and Twitter but we have 24-hour mobile access to those sites thanks to these damn cell phones.  “Oh Hi Mom, I’m FUCKED UP!”  On top of that, there was a situation not too long ago where I managed to get into my old Facebook messages and proceeded to message back every single one of those people with some random words of wisdom, including some people that I haven’t talked to in months or years and aren’t even friends with anymore.

This IS a problem.  Being blackout drunk I can handle.  Having that blackoutedness turn against me and sabotage my life?  No thanks.

Here are a few tips that I have learned along the way that I share with you now, that hopefully can save some of you from a morning full of regret:

Hide Your Phone, Hide Your Battery, and Hide Your Laptop Too Cause We Gettin’ Blacked Out Up In Here!

A few weeks ago when I decided to test out Battleshots, I was still in the process of potentially dating three girls.  I had gone out on three first dates recently and I did not know where any of those would lead but I knew that they wouldn’t lead anywhere if I got blacked out and started texting any of them.  (Or maybe it wouldn’t matter in some cases, but I’d rather not and not say that we did either.)

Since I have no capacity for rational thinking when I’m three sheets to the wind, I decided to make a preemptive strike against myself and take away access to my phone for the entire night.  I didn’t really see any need for it and figured that the only way I could avoid drunk texting was to get rid of the device.  I took my battery out of my phone and told my roommate to hide it from me.

Worked like a charm.  Mostly.

I didn’t text anyone, obviously, but when it came time for me to be my drunken self I needed to get out that energy of communicating with other people.  I hopped on my laptop and started Facebooking.  I started IM’ing someone that I hardly know and hadn’t spoken to in at least a year.  It’s just not a good habit to get into.

But getting rid of phone access was still a great idea.  When I woke up the next day, I felt hardly any regret the next day.  The slight amount of Facebook regret was no big deal because like I said, I hardly know that person.  Still, we can still do social media damage when we’re blacked out at the computer.

However, start to detach yourself from constant cell phone need.  I’ve left my cell at home before when I was going to go out drinking and I didn’t regret it for a second.  We’ve spent such a tiny an insignificant time of our existence as humans with cell phones, yet have acted like they’re impossible to live without.  They’re not that important.  You think you’re going to be in an emergency where you need your cell phone?  1. When’s the last time that situation happened to you and 2. Just ask ANY OTHER PERSON ON THE STREET if you need to make an emergency phone call.

There will be plenty of times where you go out and you need your phone, like if you’re meeting someone, etc.  There will also be plenty of times when you don’t.  And when I don’t, I strongly consider leaving the phone at home.  It’s actually not that important.

Send Out A Warning

There have been times where I have been at the beginning stages of a drinking binge where I have just flat out said, “Look, I’m gonna be pretty wasted in an hour.  Forgive me now or forever hold your peace.”  This can take place on Twitter, on Facebook, or in a text message.  It gives others a context of what’s about to happen.

If I don’t send out a warning I’ll usually still be forgiven, but it doesn’t hurt sometimes to just explain yourself beforehand rather than after the fact.

Just don’t let your friends take advantage of you based on the fact that they know you’re gonna be an easy target in a couple of hours for ridicule, embarrassment, and honesty.  I don’t know if that’s ever really happened to me, but I don’t really know anything that’s happened to me when I black out.  Unless you’ve visually left marks on my face in permanent marker, what happens in your blackout stage stays in your blackout stage.

Just Go With It And Fully Embrace Social Media + Drunkenness

My recent Drunk Live-Blogging Series is a perfect example of fully immersing yourself in the digital world when you’re completely fucked up.  I’ve decided that if I was going to be at a computer or on my phone while I’m drunk, I wasn’t going to half-ass it.  If anything, now at least I have a record of what happened.

Some amazing things can happen when you’re drunk.  Mostly really stupid things, but sometimes you’ll find a hidden gem inside yourself that you didn’t know was there.  Take that gem and make it into a ring and wear it on your pinky finger.

By live-tweeting and live-blogging when I’m drunk, I’ve sent out the warning to the world while at the same time giving myself over completely to the fact that it’s hard to escape it anyway.

We can’t exactly change who we are so much as we can change how we adapt to our surroundings.  I’m going to continue drinking for awhile and the world is never going to stop changing just because I don’t want to be drunk and on my phone or on the internet.  That’s a fact of life that I can not change, that I have no effect on.  The most I can do is go off of the grid, delete my Facebook (considered it), get off of Twitter (can’t do it), and stop making human connections and getting girl’s phone numbers (easier done than said.  What are “girls”?)

No Matter What, Have No Regrets

The most efficient way to combat regret of what you do when you’re drunk is to simply not regret it.  I admit to doing some stupid things when I’ve been drunk and I’ve actually killed several potential relationships by drunken phone calls and text messages.  That’s lame, but I wasn’t being a bad person or a malicious person, I’m just a very loving person when I’m drunk.

Maybe too loving.

But at the end of the day, I realized that we’re all just living in a fish tank and the consequences of my actions as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else, are simply insignificant.  This is the world that I live in.  This is the way that I have chose to live in it.  I can reduce my follies by following the above tips, but as long as I am young, dumb, and full of rum, I will probably be drunk on the internet and on my phone.  I have come to terms with that and I hope the rest of you have too.

It’s not changing.

Speaking of which, are you following me on Twitter?

 

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