OKCupid FAILS: Looking for a New Date After Sex

March 1, 2012 § 8 Comments

Dear Dating, Go FUCK Yourself.



This whole thing we call “the dating world” was not meant for guys with a heart.  It’s not meant for people that have feelings.  People that have heart and feelings should get into a relationship tout suite.  The problem is that when you’re stuck in the dating world, it’s hard finding a person that’s worth investing that kind of time into.  There’s just too many people that are… bitches.  Or, if you’re a girl reading this, assholes.

I’ve said it many times before, but I am a nice guy.  I really am.  I’m far from a perfect guy and my morals aren’t the best and I swear like a darn-tooting sailor but I’m nice.  I treat women with respect.  I treat all people with respect.  And from that perspective, it’s easier for me to spot those that have not a heart made out of gold, but a heart made out of leftover heart parts from the nice people that they’ve stepped all over.

I don’t really want to be dating.  Fuck, sometimes a relationship doesn’t sound that good either.  I just want to live in a world where nobody is together and nobody is alone.  What if we all lived in our pods and then met once a day for sexual intercourse and then sometimes you have babies so that the species can go on and then they are raised by the community and whoever is acting like the biggest jerk has to change the diapers?  Perhaps to you this sounds like a “cult” but me it sounds like The Apocalypse is coming anyway.

I’ve spent a little bit of time on OkCupid lately, but not much.  I’ve grown pretty sick of it after my last three fails and now I’ll just go on there when I’m REALLY bored.  It’s still a good time-waster, sort of like every date I’ve ever been on; a gigantic waste of time.  (Okay, now I’m just being a Donald Downer.  Not all of them were a waste of time.  Even the fails have provided me with good perspective and stories.)

I could probably just dedicate this blog to my dating failures and never run out of stories, but I don’t want to find myself lying in a puddle of my own drool and excrement wondering what happened.  So instead I’ll just run through a few that have happened lately.

If you are my mom, maybe this isn’t something that we should share.

“Girl Wants To Meet”?  No, Girl Recognizes Your Friend

So I was minding my own damn business in bed last night when my phone buzzed.

“What the fuck was that?”

It wasn’t a text message.  It wasn’t an email.  It just vibrated, which never happens.  I ignore it, thinking that my battery had died or something.  Finally, 15 minutes later I check it.  It’s an OkCupid Locals message.  That was weird because I thought I had deleted it or at least turned it off, but when I restarted my phone earlier in the night it must have turned it back on.  I never really use the function (It allows you to see who is available to meet up right now in your area) so I was surprised when it buzzed and when it said that someone wanted to meet me.

Well, it was 11 PM and I was watching Cold Case Files, so fuck that.  I looked at her pictures and she looked familiar.  In fact, I was SURE that I had seen one exact picture before.  I knew it wasn’t from me looking at her profile and I sensed that it was because I had a friend that had shown it to me.

There were two possibilities that I considered, and neither of them were really good news for her because I remembered one of my friends showing me the picture and saying “She’s got a weird face.”

She was doing the “Super-angled” pictures in every photo, trying to hide the shape of her face.  This method is more popular than duck lips and honestly doesn’t hide a damn thing.  I indeed see what you’re doing there.  Anyways, it’s not like I’m one to judge, but I had a strong feeling that one of my friends did judge.

I couldn’t immediately place it but I wasn’t going to meet up with anyone last night.  I was still curious though and messaged her, “What’s up?”  There was no immediate response.

I was almost sure though that I had a friend that was neighbors with her and they were fuck buddies.  He showed me her picture and was like “Yeah, she’s got a great body but a terrible face.”  You might be thinking to yourself, “Hey you said you were a nice guy, but you’re being a dick right now by calling that girl ugly.”

No, I’m just quoting my friend.  I leave the rest up to God.

I fell asleep without getting a reply back but when I woke up this morning there was a new message.  “haha sorry. I recognized your friend in one of your pictures.  You know “so and so”?”

Oh yeah, duh, I have him in one of my pictures.  Now it all makes sense.  However, don’t message me because you recognize someone in one of my pictures and that’s the only reason you’re messaging me.  Especially on this damn Locals app and say “She wants to meet!”  That’s some bullshit.  If you miss him or liked him, then contact HIM!

You’re interrupting Bill Kurtis so that you can tell me you recognize my friend that you used to bang?  Is there going to be any banging between you and I?  No?  Then go on Facebook if you want to recognize people and message them.  That’s not what this is for.

Thanks for the Fuck, Now I Need to Find My Next One

It had been awhile since I had dated a chick that I honestly felt was worth investment until I went out with this girl that seemed like a genuinely cool person.  She was smart and kind of funny and interesting.  She was pretty cute with a nice body, even though she had a boys haircut.  (Literally.)  But you know, I live in Los Angeles where fucking Hipsters come to pro-create, so I’m used to it.

She was mildly annoying by thinking she was funnier than she actually was, but one thing that I’ve learned in dating is that you have to be willing to compromise and sacrifice.  You are NOT going to find the perfect person.  You are NOT going to find a person that matches you almost to a tee.  You are lucky if you find a person that doesn’t drive you insane, and I think that if you can find a person that makes you happy most of the time then that’s all that matters.

The first date went really well.  Probably too well, since we ended up having sex.  You’d think that would be a good sign on a very fundamental level, but on a deeper level it’s a huge mistake if you want to have an actual relationship.  But my head’s hardly in that place of “stopping” when an attractive chick that I’m having a good time with want’s to come over to my place and fool around.   At least by failing at it this time, I knew better how to handle it the next.

Everything was going fine and we went out a second time.  And had sex a second time and she spent the night.  It was Saturday morning and just after we finished having sex again, she laid beside me and got on her phone.  She told me that she was on the OkCupid app to see what guys were in the area, or something.

The funny thing is that I didn’t think much of it at the time.  I was just like “whatever” because after all, we had only been out twice.

Then she left and I think went off to meet another guy from the Locals app.

Again, I didn’t think much of it but then a couple of days later she said that she thought we should be friends.  I don’t really allow myself to get close to anyone that soon, so I didn’t really care.  I just said “That’s cool!” or something and that was the last time I saw her, though I did keep in contact for a little while.  However, when I told my friend what had happened with the Locals app he was shocked and then it hit me too; that WAS a really bitchy thing to do.

Funny enough, she messaged my friend a week later (not knowing that he was my friend) but he knew who she was and ignored her.  Because you really shouldn’t be looking for a new date right after you have sex with someone.  I would not do that to somebody, even if I wasn’t interested in continuing on romantically.  Have a fucking heart.

I once told her about this blog, but I doubt she still reads it.  But if she does and you are her: You’re a bad person.  That’s not the proper way that you act.  When girls say that guys are “assholes” they are talking about behavior like the kind of behavior you displayed.  I’m not the kind of guy that does that to girls.  Maybe a lot of guys have given you that kind of behavior, but that’s not the kind of guy or person that I am.  I wouldn’t display that kind of behavior to anyone and it’s a shame that anyone does.

You should be ashamed.  But you aren’t and you probably won’t ever have the part of you that does feel shame.  I still hope that you do though and that other people don’t fuck with your own feelings, because I am a nice guy.

I have had many dating fails in my life.  In fact, as a single person, every relationship no matter how big or small has been a fail up to this point.  I won’t give up.  I’ll continue to try and I’ll probably continue to fail until I find that one that makes all the failures worth it.  Because without them, I’d be ignorant and ignorance won’t lead to success.


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§ 8 Responses to OKCupid FAILS: Looking for a New Date After Sex

  • thisbirdflies says:

    This was definitely a fun read :) At least I thoroughly enjoyed it

  • chelsea quinn says:

    There has to be a better alternative to OkCupid for people to meet/date/hook up with/etc. And the bar scene sucks. And church isn’t my thing. And my job is not even remotely an option.

    But seriously…online dating is kicking my ass these days so know you aren’t alone! Enjoyed this post. Can totally relate, even if my situations have been completely different and with the opposite gender.

    • Yeah, online dating seems great for awhile but it’s funny how I’ve seen the same faces on there for a long time. It still seems like its best to just meet someone randomly and that the “forced” environment of online dating still seems to have an inherent fail factor. It’s got it’s positives and negatives though, like anything else.

  • sweetsound says:

    Wow, what a bitch. (The girl from the second story). I’m sorry that happened to you. If a guy did that to me, I’d be so angry. Her loss that sex and/or respect for other people means so little to her; you’ll find someone better.

    I signed up with an online dating service once and it was so crazy that I took my profile down after two weeks… maybe I’ll try it again sometime with a different site… when I get braver… but thanks for the better insight into the world of online dating with your Freshly Pressed post. And congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

    • Thanks! Yes, she was… ridiculous. I wish you luck if you decide to give it another go. I’ve always found better success during a return trip to the dating pool. I know that the female experience with online dating is much different than the males experience, but I’m sure once you wade through the nonsense you can find at least one great guy.

  • [...] “It’s been worthless” because it has been anything but worthless.  All of the dating fails I’ve accumulated over the last two years (Sadness Achievement Unlocked) have given me great [...]

  • stephjms says:

    “I once told her about this blog, but I doubt she still reads it.  But if she does and you are her: You’re a bad person. ” – things we always wanted to say to their face. You’re funny.

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