Online Dating Is Booming In Our Changing Society, But Does It Work? I Have My Doubts.

March 6, 2012 § 314 Comments

Let the cynical person do the research, because without doubt we have nothing to question.

More and more people are feeling comfortable talking about their online dating experiences, or even admitting to the fact that they’ve turned to the internet in order to find a mate.  It was not long ago that most people would feel very embarrassed to say that they had a dating profile online because we once associated that with desperation.  Before “Online Dating”, these types of services were associated with those “Video Dating” services that “completely helpless” people used, or at least that’s how they were portrayed in the media.

It’s probably best described in the “Lowered Expectations” segments that were so popular in the 90’s on Mad TV.  (Hey, I remember when I was 12 and I thought Mad TV was genius!)  Those skits showed the saddest and most pathetic people on the planet making desperate pleas for love on a VHS because they were so lonely and couldn’t find a date to save their lives.  As the internet blew up (I hear it’s doing well) then so did Online Dating.  You didn’t have to go anywhere to try and find another single person in your area, now you could make a spiffy profile and hopefully, finally, someone would love you.

Just make sure to delete browsing history or cookies in case someone else uses your computer, because God forbid that anyone you knew found out that you resorted to Online Dating to look for love.

However, by now most people are sort of past that.  When I first signed up for Match.com in 2010, I dared not tell a soul.  I only told my roommate because it was a lot easier than making up lies for the three times I went out on a date.  In retrospect I could have easily lied, but how did I know I would only go on three Match dates in three months?  I was finally steered towards OkCupid by a friend, which not only led my to OkCupid, but “Hey! You use online dating too?!”

One by one, all of my friends started admitting that they were using OkCupid or some form of internet dating, including my friends that I never would have considered to “need” online dating.  These were my guy friends that always had girlfriends or were really good at picking up girls, but they also used Online Dating.  At this point, I let go of all my inhibitions about Online Dating completely, to the point where I was writing about it online and not anonymously.  Hey, look, you’re here and I’m saying these words right now as proof.

I became an advocate for Online Dating, especially the free sites like OkCupid.  Not only is OkCupid free, but I felt that they had a lot more of the kinds of girls that I would actually consider compatible and I found that Match is really for a different type of dater.  It’s the kind of place that I might go back to when I’m 40, however by that point I can’t see what kind of faith I’ll have in life or society if I’m still doing this in eleven years.

I told people about Online Dating, I blogged about it, and I put myself out there for dozens of girls in the last year and a half.  I’ve given it my all and yet I sit here today with more experience, yet far less faith in the format than I had six months ago.  I used to tell people that Online Dating was the way to go because at this point we spend the majority of our time online, or on our phones, and we simply don’t have the time to “meet people in real life” like we used to.  Not only that, but being able to look at Profiles and seeing our Match% right off of the bat, gives us the kind of perspective that meeting in person or being set up on a blind date simply cannot do.

While that may be true, I have yet to see where it has made us more successful in finding love than any other format.  Just because we spend a lot of time online and just because we can look through dozens of profiles in an instant, does that have any kind of correlation to the answer we were looking for when we started this: Can I find a girl (or guy, whatever), to get serious with?

That’s what I really want to know.  Can you find a bunch of people to have sex with?  Yes, absolutely.  There’s no doubt that if you just want to find a quick and easy way to hook up, then Online Dating’s success is easily verifiable.  The format is actually perfect for that.  But when people say “You can’t find a girlfriend at a bar” does that mean that you’re any more successful in a relationship if you find someone on the internet when you’re sober?

So far, I can’t help but say that in my time online, I haven’t found a single relationship that lasted more than a few dates.  In fact, the two most successful relationships I’ve ever had started at a bar.  But I am only a sample of one.

I’ve scoured the internet for facts and figures, because I’m a stats guy.  I want to know what the statistics tell us about Online Dating in 2012.  Are people finding their love online with any more success than they are at a bar or in the grocery store?  Is it still best to find a person through a friend or at school/work?  If it’s still best to find a girlfriend at school, then I’ve got some explaining to do to the principal and the police and all that.  This is what I’ve found:

Online Dating Has Become Big Business

The more comfortable we become with using the internet to find a soulmate, the more valuable the services have become.  Research shows that the Dating Service Industry is worth $2.1 billion in the U.S. alone, with over half of that being attributed to Online Dating.

Despite the fact that OkCupid is mostly a free service (though they have upgrades that do come with fees, I’ve never seen any real need to pay them) it’s using the same methods that a site like Facebook uses to generate revenue: Look at how many members and site hits we have! Give us advertising money!

This is what makes it crazy to think that anyone would pay for a dating service and indeed, fewer and fewer people are doing so.  Though sites like Match and eHarmony will still attract users (they are still the top dating services) based on name recognition, advertising, and appealing to a more adult market while boasting a higher success rate.  (Though not confirmed to actually be more successful.)

I might not think it’s worth it to pay for a dating service now, but when you get to a certain age you might hit the panic button.  I don’t think you can put a price on finding a girlfriend or a boyfriend that honestly makes you happy, but they have yet to prove to me that it actually works.

With big business comes big responsibility, and as Online Dating grows into this bigger and bigger monster I see positive effects (more people online dating, more choices) and negative ones (greed breeds lies, spam, and sometimes more choices is not a good thing.)  Whether or not Online Dating is successful for us is up for debate, but it’s definitely become very successful in business.

Who Is The Online Dater?

According to a 2009 survey, you were more likely to use Internet Dating if you were:

  • More sociable
  • Had a high self-esteem and put value in romantic relationships
  • Had a low self-esteem but did not put value in romantic relationships

But you were less likely if you were:

  • Introverted
  • Had a low self-esteem and put value in romantic relationships

What’s interesting here is the idea that it doesn’t matter how high or low you value yourself, but how you value romantic relationships.  If you were confident in yourself, then you had no problem putting yourself out there in an online format looking for love.  If you didn’t have high self-confidence, you’ll put yourself out there, but only because your ready to get used and abused.  A person with a low self-esteem will date online but only because they think relationships are stupid anyway.

I’ve gone out with both of these types of girls and I am not turned on by anybody with a low self-esteem and then when they love ya and leave ya, it should come as no surprise.

1 in 5 “Have Dated” Someone They Met Online, Thanks Match.com.

Remember when Match.com started running these ads?  At the time, they did seem like mind-boggling statistics.  Until that moment, most people were still in hiding about their Online Dating experiences.  At this point, it actually seems very low.  But it was genius advertising at the time.

However, when I read the study (found here by Chadwick Martin Bailey) it’s not really that impressive, based on the wording.

“1 in 5 – Number of current singles that have dated someone they met on an online dating site.”

“You’re gonna like the way you look inside this girl.  I guarantee it.”

Before I start hating on it, this study is two years old.  A lot has changed in two years.  They should really do a new study and re-pop those commercials with some new fangled statistics.  (Unless they can’t cause they’re not better?)   Okay, well, what do you mean by “have dated”?  Gone out once?  Gone out for a month?  Had a mutual masturbation session?  Let’s get specific here, because I’ve never been serious with anyone online but I can certainly see a scenario in which I say “Yes” to that, and I am NOT a symbol of success in terms of Online Dating.

These studies were conducted by Match with CMB, and therefore were biased to begin with.  Which tells me that it’s much lower than 1 in 5.  (Or was back then.)  Their final results said people most often met their spouse like this:

1) Through work/school                    36%

2) Through friend/family member       26%

3) Via Online Dating site                  17%

4) Through bars/clubs/social events   11%

5) Other                                         7%

6) Through church/places of worship   4%

Less than half as often as marrying a co-worker or one of your students.  (That’s what they mean by school, right?)  Still less often than meeting someone through a mutual friend, and really not that much more often that meeting someone at a bar!  Really?  It’s only six percent more likely that I’ll find my future wife online than I will at that divey pub under the bridge?!?!

When these results were posted on 4/20 in 2010, the results wouldn’t make it seem like they were high, but these numbers actually look pretty shitty if they were the same in 2012.  Especially when I consider the fact that over the last three years, I’ve gone on a lot more online dates than I have gone on dates with girls I’ve met socially or through other means.  So while it is true that OkCupid has given me a whole lot more to choose from, it’s also given me way more FAILS.  They’re like the shooting guard that takes 40 shots and misses most of them, compared to the efficient small forward that goes 4-for-6 and is also a lot cheaper.

You’re Twice As Likely To Fuck A Person On The First Date Than To Eventually Marry Them

According to Statisticsbrain.com via Rueters, 33% of women have had sex on their first online date with someone, while 17% of marriages in the last year started out as an online courtship.

This helps back up my earlier theory that the internet is a great place to find quick and easy sex, but not to find the love of your life.  However, I won’t ignore the fact that almost 1 in 5 marriages are coming from the Online Dating world.  After all, some of them have to be successful, right?  Additionally, if you do get married after meeting online, the period between your first date and saying “I Do” is half as long as if you met her at a Carls Jr or at a Home Depot while fighting over the last pair of Truck Nuts.  (Offline, basically, is what I’m getting at.)  The courtship period for Online Daters that marry: 18.5 months.  Offliners: 42 months.  Clearly, they are still using 56k and us internet nerds are used to high-speed DSL.

Other results from the study:

10% of users leave within the first three months – Which is actually a potentially bad sign to me.  You don’t want to be Online Dating forever.  However, three months isn’t a long time really… But it’s not some magical solution either.  I want to know how many people have found a serious partner within one year.  I’ve been on OkCupid for over a year and I have seen a lot of the same girls over and over again in my search results during that time.

Number of questions to fill out on eHarmony survey is 400 – Holy Fuckballs!  I’ll top out at 100, thanks very much.

64% of People Say “Common Interests” are the Most Important Factors in Meeting Someone – This is fair and believable.  I mean, I want to meet somebody that has interests in writing, movies, television, and has a great sense of humor.  Somebody that I can have fun with.  It is important that you have some attraction to the person (49% say Physical Characteristics are the most important factor, blowing their math skills out of the water… uhhh.. questioning study or I’m not understanding the wording) but you’re trying to balance the looks with the common interests and come to a fair conclusion.

71% of People Believe in Love at First Sight – Or should I say “Love at first SITE lolololol!!!”

Percent of Sex Offenders Who Use Online Dating To Meet People: 10%  – GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!  yikes.

38% of Girls Prefer Nice Guys Compared to 15% for Bad Guys, but 6% Take “Any Man They Can Get”  – I’m still looking for that six percent.

By 48, Men Have Twice as Many Online Pursuers As Women – I only have 19 years to go!

Taller Guys And Shorter Women Get More Action

According to OkCupid, men have more sex when they get to 6’4-6’5, but then it drops again when they become freakishly tall.  I am actually 6’5-6’6, but maybe I should reduce my listed height to 6’5″!  On the other side, shorter women get more messages than taller ones.

It’s funny that I always lacked confidence because of my weight, but that’s nothing compared to being a guy that’s 5’5″ or shorter.  A guy that’s 6’8″ will get twice as many messages as a guy that is 5’0″.  How many 5 foot guys are out there though I wonder, not counting A-list Hollywood actors, that all seem to look like jockeys in real life?

Other findings in that study include a really interesting look at Income and Age for Men and how it attracts unsolicited messages.  I’ve never listed my income on my profile, mostly because I don’t see the point.  What does it really matter? If you make a lot of money, you’re bragging.  If you don’t make a lot of money, you’re pathetic.  I make decent money, nothing I’m ashamed of, but I don’t really see the point in listing it because I don’t see how my income should affect how dateable I am and if it does, fuck you.

So did I arrive at any answers?  Yes, I think so. I think that I’ve found that Online Dating, while being more successful than it appeared to be three years ago, is still not that much more successful than meeting someone in person.  In certain terms, one could even say that Online Dating should have a much higher rate of success based on: A.) The amount of data we have on the other person before we meet and B.) The amount of people we meet online compared to in our social lives, and yet the results aren’t that much more impressive.

When I started Online Dating, I had low expectations and was really nervous about it.  I was really nervous about meeting someone from the internet, much more so than meeting someone in person where I just say “Hey, how’s it going?”  Once I got over that initial nervousness, I saw it as a great way to meet people.  I had gotten way past being nervous and now I was a God Damn beast when it came to meeting girls online.  I got down the meeting place, the conversation, all that shit…

So I should be more successful right?

Well, despite my much higher confidence, I just found more and more fails.  And that’s not to say that it’s because of Online Dating.  It’s not to say it’s not because I just fucking sucked, or didn’t meet the right girls, or whatever… it can all still be attributed to all of those things or none of those things.  Just like any other way to meet people.  It just means that Online Dating isn’t that much better than picking up a girl at a bar.  Not only because of MY experiences, but because of the research I found in combination with that.

That’s not to say that I won’t meet “the one” from OkCupid.  Or that you won’t.  I have a friend that’s married to a girl from OkCupid.  It can work, it’s proven to have worked.  If 1 in 5 marriages started Online, that’s VERY significant and especially considering with how new the format is, relatively.  It could grow and grow, but only because business is booming right now.  It’s a super popular way for people to meet, and it’s only getting bigger.

But I don’t think that the format has proven to be completely successful yet.  It’s got a long ways to go.  There’s a lot to be learned from it and I’m still learning from it.  However, as of now, it’s sort of just a place to meet/fuck and maybe I’ll call you tomorrow.  (Just like the bar.)

Follow me on Twitter to see more of my dating and sex fails.

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§ 314 Responses to Online Dating Is Booming In Our Changing Society, But Does It Work? I Have My Doubts.

  • brains says:

    simple advice – it definitely will NOT work if you do NOT try it. it has worked well for me, but obviously i’m not everyone.

    • IF someone is single and considering a mingle, then absolutely I would recommend using a dating site. It’s a fun experience, but I would temper expectations.

      • Yea this is true, I have mostly ended up getting no replies or not interested. I have tried them all lol

      • It’s a numbers game. Gotta keep pluggin away because girls get bombarded and it took me a LONG time to figure out how to properly send a message.

      • Yea I found one that worked really well, but had no idea of how to progress after or how to hold their attention

      • wild17 says:

        Hi Mr. Kenneth. well I must say i was very moved by your story here about online dating and what your friends had said about it. even the fact that it is getting more and more useage from people who like myself are feeling lonely and don’t want to be that way for ever. my theory is this: online dating is kinda pointless because you can meet and see people in real person and seeing them in person as to talking to them online is more effect in terms of getting into a relationship with someone that you meet online. so yeah, maybe i am over looking this online dating thing, but my gut tells to not try it and trust it beause it has a 50 percent chance of getting me into a situation that i don’t want to be in. so I hope you see my point there. sincerelly, jaclyn Spotts author of sweet blossums.

      • My big theory on life is that we are ALL lonely. Even when we’re not alone. Human connection just feeds the “addiction” and makes us feel better but we’re always chasing that fear of loneliness. Whether its online dating or just an online message board, the internet has proven to be a good way to stay connected. Thanks for reading!

      • wild17 says:

        ok I am supposed to say now that you are might be convincing me because of one fact. the fact if chasing the everyday fear of becoming lonely. so if someone like me is so skeptical about online dating and believes in only seeing the person outside of the internet, is going believe that this online dating thinbg is actually worth a try even though her parents tell her is is not a good idea to try because it can get you into the hands of someone that you don’t want to meet and there maybe a fee. am i making any sense at all here?

      • wild17 says:

        ps. i do have that fear to of being lonely.

      • wild17 says:

        ps. i do have that fear to of being lonely.

      • GenQwerty says:

        I think there’s definitely some generational differences in opinion on online dating. I’m 29 and I find people in mid-thirties to above question it A LOT more than the folks 29 and below. The world is more virtual now and online dating is a natural progression of that.

    • Azure James says:

      Very informative. Thanks!

    • teacher says:

      If iti has worked so well for you then why are you still single?

      • brains says:

        how would you know if i were single? are you my stalker? rob russo? husband of kathy russo in barnegat? yeah, probably.

  • OK, a few insights from my situation:

    1. I met my current boyfriend of 3 years on Match.com.
    2. We did NOT fuck on the first date. ;)
    3. I am Amazonian in stature (6 feet, to be exact).

    I was skeptical. WAY skeptical. But as a divorcee from about a year prior AND a freelance writer, I was assigned a story for my local lifestyle magazine to sign up for and try online dating. With mixed results.

    The best aspect of the experience for me: finding guys who could communicate in writing. I was ALARMED in my non-online-dating life how many guys I could meet who, as it turned out, couldn’t put together a coherent sentence. So I found the online realm ideal for vetting those who could and could not communicate in writing, which was important to me (the writer chick).

    But yes, I was propositioned WAY more than I would have expected.

    Fun post! I wish you luck as you continue your journey…

    • Congrats on a successful Match experience. And up-high-five for tall people!

      It’s funny that even as a writer I sometimes struggle with my own profile. I like to mix it up every once in awhile, sort of like re-arranging the furniture in your bedroom, but at times I look back and realize: This isn’t me. What I wrote about myself and HOW I wrote about myself, didn’t convey “me.” That’s very important when creating a profile. Not just what you say, but how you said t. Thanks very much!

  • Cathy says:

    It would work as long as you don’t just remain online forever. Nothing compares with being with the person for real

    • Definitely best not to linger. As far as people that have met online through a non-dating website, I always found that to be interesting but never really came close to “dating” a person that I met on a regular website or message board. Of course, most of my message boards are full of dudes so that could explain it.

  • Fia says:

    “Met” my boyfriend online at a Swedish community in 2006. Met irl six months later, got together in 2007, moved together in 2008 and here we are now. :) I think we found each other because either of us was actually looking for a partner. That’s when things go bad. The more you try the worse it goes.

    http://bitterfia.wordpress.com

    • Good point and congrats on finding a good one on the internet! Its funny that as soon as I give up on OkCupid, that’s when I get 2 or 3 messages from girls that I’d be interested in. And they pull me back in…

  • lnmwonderfulworld says:

    Thanks for the post. I did not know all the stats, but they seem to follow my real-life experience with online dating. (which is really a misnomer. It is really online meeting, the dating is for real) The bottom line is that online dating sites are a tool I have used to meet people that I would not otherwise have contact with in the “real”world.
    Ellen
    unexpecteddestinations.com

    • Definitely. I don’t regret meeting any of the girls and you learn something new each time.

    • Ellen,

      Great way to describe how it works. The tool is only as good as the person utilizing it, and going in with an open mind is important. You will meet a lot of different people online but the real dating part of it takes time and trust I think.

      Bridget

    • natasha says:

      So I met my boyfriend on Plentyoffish.com, Dating is hard because you have to find someone who likes and you like them. Now my first few dates from the site and guys I was already aquainted with and it sucked and we didn’t click at all. I’m shocked you did mention the psycho potential.

  • kaniol01 says:

    Very well written. I also have the same comparable experience with online dating as with going to a bar. Its a great way to meet high volumes of people but so far no one that is a skip down the isle worthy. Good luck fellow spouse hunter ;)

  • Enjoyed this, and congratulations being Freshly Pressed! I don’t know if I’d ever try online dating… however I have noticed that it has filtered into other sites. I recently signed up to Interpals.com – to perhaps get me a penpal from somewhere far away, and there is a ‘looking for’ option which includes choices like ‘flirting’ and ‘relationship’ as well as ‘snail mail exchange’ and ‘language exchange’ I kind of got bombarded with Joey-like ‘how you doin’ s in the first 5 minutes.

    • Thanks! It’s funny that when my friend told me he met his wife on OKCupid (before I heard of Okcupid) he explained it as a “place to do quizzes” and not a dating site, and of course… it’s absolutely a dating site, now at least. There’s just a lot more business in “selling the opposite sex in your area” on the internet than quizzes. Unless you’re Sporcle or something.

    • eyeonwales says:

      Hey a mention for interpals, cool! :) I have friends who ended up on there looking for penpals and no more, several years later they are engaged! It’s a funny old world – but stick with it, there are many good ‘uns on interpals once you wade through the chaff…as with most such sites sadly.

  • Mrs Odie 2 says:

    Many people post a profile on Match when they are hurting from a break-up or are in an unrequited situation. That was true of me and of the three men I dated as a result of posting my profile. All three of my dates ended up with them drunk telling me about the exes they couldn’t get over. And, oh, by the way, did I want to have sex?

    As a 31 year old woman (at the time), I was bombarded by men in their fifties looking for a young partner and men in their twenties wanting to hook up. It was a sad disappointment. The good news: the guy I actually wanted to date, whom I met at work, broke up with his partner, and we’re now married with two kids.

    • I honestly believe I’m one of the few guys that’s absolutely normal and cordial on a first date. A perfect gentleman that just wants to get to know the person. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t, you know, had sex on a first date, but I’m looking for long term things and not a one night stand. I’ve become very good at taking care of myself if you know what I mean. (I mean masturbating.)
      So I have no problem with building something serious with a girl, but I think perhaps I’m not giving out the right vibe on my profile or maybe not looking for the right girls. Congrats on finding the right guy!

      • tmsfoodie says:

        Apparently blunt honesty is your policy? I feel scandalized.

        I’m joking, of course, but maybe if you’re including profile details like your first date bedroom romp, then perhaps you’re not giving out the right vibe indeed. Good luck from another person with the gift of height (5’11”) and a tendency toward edited and published word vom.

      • Well, I give out my details here (no names used of course) but would never share all of that information on my dating Profile! Super high five!

  • The last 4 weddings that I’ve stood as a bridesmaid in were for friends who married guys that they had met online. I guess it works for some people.

    Me? I tried the online dating thing, simply out of curiosity. I met my ex-boyfriend on a site and the relationship lasted for about 6 months…not bad for a commitment-phobe like me. Other than him, pretty much every other guy out there rather disgusted me…I’m sorry, what exactly is it about me that screams “I’m in the market for a septuagenarian!” or “I have low self-esteem and will marry the first person who will propose to me via a dating website” ?

    Really interesting post, Kenneth! :)

    P.S. You have NO idea how hard I laughed at: “71% of People Believe in Love at First Sight – Or should I say “Love at first SITE lolololol!!!””

    • Thanks! I think I now have some idea how hard you laugh. :)

      That’s very interesting about all your friends finding love online. There are good guys on the internet, I swear, we’re just terribly out-numbered.

  • Indiverve says:

    Online dating really is a shot in the dark. A friend convinced me to give it a try when I moved to a new city a couple years back. She ended up marrying the guy she met online last month after dating him for 2 years. I also met someone online who I now live with and will probably marry :) Were there creepers online? Yes. But once in awhile you get lucky and find someone amazing. To me it was a much better option than going to the bar to find them, which I had tried and failed all throughout my university and travel life. Good luck!

    • Thanks! Yeah, I think in an online setting you can definitely find love. I mean, why COULDNT you? It’s no different than going to a singles mixer or something, I suppose the market is just growing at an incredibly rate but expectations are too high. And I think a lot of people are on there so they can see if their genitals fit one another.

  • Worked out okay for my parents.

  • marcys says:

    As you point out, sometimes more choice isn’t always helpful. One of the dangers I see with online dating is that people are sometimes unwilling to “settle” for anyone who has the least little flaw, since thousands more potential dates or mates are just a click away. They end up seeking perfection, which doesn’t exist. Or they become “online serial daters.” It’s like anything else: it’s all about having your head on straight.

    • Absolutely! People have idealized notions of what “the one” is. We have flaws, we need to find the balance to say “You know what? I like being around you so much that I’ll take you for your imperfections” and not “Ehh. You wore mis-matched socks once. There are 500 other dudes messaging me.” Not that I would wear mis-matched socks.

  • noTORIous says:

    I know of one marriage as a result of OK Cupid and one still-continuing relationship from Match…..and alot of horror stories (although humorous as well)

  • sherrylcook says:

    I found online dating to be excruciatingly painful….mostly for the fact that after divorcing at the ripe old age of 40, then going out on dates again terrified me. After meeting man after man, I got the hang of it, dated a few for six months or so only to find they were not the one.

    After many dates, giving up the online site, going back on the online site months later etc. etc. I’m currently dating a man that has real potiental. I think you have to know what your looking for and make sure that your date is looking for the same thing.

    At my age, its very difficult to find dating material, so I would recommend the online path…..only if you are smart and safe. Thanks for the post, very enjoyable.

    • Thank you for reading! I have also stepped away for awhile only to go back and find more success than the previous time. Sometimes you need to step back, see what your experience really told you about yourself and others, and then dive back in. I hope that your real potential turns into the real thing.

  • Muttix says:

    I’ve never actually met anyone in my age bracket (late 20s) who met and committed to/married someone they met online. I’d be curious to see stats on geography when it comes to these marriages. One in five doesn’t seem like a lot. However it becomes questionable that that quantity is even true when you factor in that the only place I’ve ever seen someone claim a marriage/long term relationship beginning online is in fact, online. Maybe I’m just living in the wrong geographical area to see these statistics in the flesh.

    • Yes, I’d like to see a LOT more statistics. Geography, age, “looks”, that sort of thing. I do know a real life person that married someone on OkCupid but I also know that of all of my friends that used Online Dating, we are ALL still single and that’s for late-20’s males in Los Angeles, where there are a TON of people using the internet to find someone.

  • Dual Enigma says:

    I think one reason online dating is not much better than a bar is because of all the data. When asked a question we do our best to answer it but the truth is, opinions, likes and dislikes, etc change based on the situation. Ever seen one of those questions and had to think very hard because either none of the answers felt right or multiple answers felt right?

    I met my husband on an online forum (not a dating site) over 7 years ago. We’re still going strong.

    My friend, however, signed up with a dating site (can’t remember which) and never found someone worthwhile. She is since engaged to a guy she met in person only to find he also has an account on the same site and they never showed as potential matches because of the choices they’d picked on the site.

    So while the extra knowledge is helpful, it also can be a hindrance.

    Just my thoughts/experiences. :)

    • Good point. My friends and I have discussed the OkCupid question format and often think “This question sucks!” or “Where’s another option?” especially when it has to do with something that you simply wouldn’t tell a person on a first date let alone BEFORE a first date. And removing some of the mystery may be a hindrance.

  • connieann says:

    I met my fiance on CatholicSingles.com. We’ve been together 4 years and I’ve loved every minute of it. As luck would have it, he was the first and only guy I ever met from a dating site. And it turns out we went to the same elementart school and knew all the same people growning up, but never met each other until we met online. Go figure.

  • To me, online dating is just one more way to meet people—same as joining a writing group or taking a class or signing up for a kickball league or whatever. However, I don’t think it should *replace* the whole “putting yourself out there” in real life. In other words, be online…but also be confident/bold enough to talk to that girl/guy you’re eyeing at the bar. I think online dating can get tricky when you get tunnel vision and start thinking it’s the end-all-be-all. You’re bound to be disappointed.

    Also? The height thing fascinates me. I’m 5’11”, and I’ve gone on several dates from OkCupid with guys who list themselves at 6’…and yet, when we met, I stood a solid two inches taller. I don’t get that… Why lie? Do they think I won’t notice??

    Anyway. Really enjoyed the post and that statistics (impressive!). And the comment directly above this…which is hilarious.

    • Thanks! Amazing how many people lie online when its like… didn’t you KNOW we were gonna meet? How else did you think this would work? I’m as honest as possible in my profile (including pics!) because I don’t want that awkward moment when we meet and in their head they’re think “Bullshit.”

    • Well I have to say that it’s really hard to approach a woman and start talking to her. I have tried an failed lol, over an over.

  • daniellaquan says:

    Great post! Very funny.
    I met my ex-bf of four years online. It was on myspace though, not really a dating site. We just became really good friends and then met and decided to date.
    But met my current boyfriend at a bar/ through a friend. So… I guess, just keep an eye out for anything! And I really think if people weren’t on their phone so much they’d get to meet more people/do more things. :)

    • People that meet on Facebook now are really interesting to me. It’s like… how did that come about? And how bold to say “Hey, I know this is facebook but I’d really like to take you out.” Thanks very much!

  • I think it would be kinda a freakish feeling/soul disturbing event to “go out” with someone knowing ahead of time that is what your whole purpose was to begin with… and there are so many pretty days and nights out there to go play in that [even] if you’re not trying to find someone to date (or as the author explains, have sex with), you get to enjoy living… and that seems so much more fun (and attractive). but that’s me…mystery, just innocent and without doing things for a specific cause seems more appealing. I mean, elevator rides with the man next to you about to bust, but not a word — he turning red as a teenager; a man helping you with your groceries for no reason other than to be a gentleman, a thought shared with you by the man sitting at the table next to you (not online) just to give you a smile, someone telling you how beautiful you look as you’re walking down the street — so you can say thank you (trying not to giggle too much), a man handing you a boquet of flowers out of the blue… he just bought as he saw you coming towards him from the flower stand on the corner – for me? and he says, yes — they’re for you, and you smile – no ulterior motive… and everyone’s just passing — [if] any of these were meant to be [he] would pursue somehow (guys, I’m talking to you — you can be gentlemen and interact without a set plan – it’s fun!); if he couldn’t pursue/didn’t — it’s not meant to be… am I sounding old fashioned? Perhaps, but I know not expecting/just living through these daily events is so much more fun than filling out profiles on the internet that maybe then — you’re not so desparate that you have t o fill out a profile. but that’s me, I guess. good luck and be safe. oh, and I forgot: the best part you’re missing: the ability to tell someone to “bugger off” face to face, when they aren’t gentleman and “are looking” and that’s the only reason they approached you. Can you do that on the internet once you’ve joined a site that says I want a date? Trust me — there is nothing to make (a girl) feel more beautiful than telling a man, no thank you — have a nice day though… Even without bedding someone — living is way more romantic than to expect an outcome. It does seem to be a lucrative industry though…

  • I tried OKstupid and Match.com. I had better luck on sites people actually paid for, because they were a bit more serious to meet someone if they were willing to pay out of pocket to meet people. Where, OKstupid is the same group of people who just seem to date amongst each other.

    I might add, that I am (as implied by my name) a lesbian. Gay dating has a much smaller pool of people in which to date, and since I don’t date in circles, I am pretty much s.o.l. on that site.

    And don’t even get me started on how lame the gay version of eHarmony is..

  • With respect to the low percentage of individuals that were able to find their mate through church/places of worship, could that be because generally the population of “church-attendees” is decreasing? Just curious to know how this phenomenon – that we’re slowly becoming a non-religious society, is impacting these statistics? P.S. great article. i’ve always wondered if dating sites work too!

  • Miss Anderson says:

    This is quite an interesting post! I guess I belong to a different community that loves and thrives on OkCupid…the GLBT community. The lesbian community in particular. As a femme, it’s hard for me to date in the real world because other lesbians don’t recognize me as gay. In general, our dating pool is very small and lesbians are very cliquish. It can be hard to meet girls at work or school, and bars are the same crowd over and over.

    I have seriously dated seven girls in the six years that I’ve been out, and I met four of them online (in fact, the shorter relationships were with the girls I met in real life). I dated one of those girls for three years and my current girlfriend was a OkCupid match. I consider my exes to be successful dating, even if I didn’t end up marrying them. I do believe I will marry my current girlfriend, but we will wait longer than 18.2 months (oh, and she’s 6’1!).

  • backgroundchecksusa says:

    Online dating can easily be judged as pathetic because it would sound like they don’t have enough confidence to approach people in real life but there are logical reasons why its definitely not pathetic.

    its a way to meet people who weren’t previously connected to you in any way, I don’t see a problem.

  • Jacob1972 says:

    A very interesting blog and one with a sense of humour.

    I met my wife through Internet dating at a time way back in 2003 when it definitely wasn’t spoken about particularly by straight men. I have only told one of my friends about it – he is perpetually single despite being a very funny guy in real life and on Facebook (many more “friends” than me!), so I thought he needed a bit of encouragement. My wife however has always been open about it with her friends and work colleagues, and in fact two others met their husbands through it within the period 2003-2005. We didn’t get married until after our daughter was born in 2009. All three couples are all still together, now all with kids. So on the basis of my wife’s closest friends it is around an adoption rate of 50% with a 100% serious relationship and marriage rate.

    My wife had been a serial user of dating websites and her previous two serious relationships had been through that medium. Her view was that it was a lot simpler to dispose of the chaff after a coupe of dates rather than face them at work or see them out clubbing.

    Why did I use it? Well I had had two serious relationships in the previous 10y (8 + 2) and several cursory ones after that, one leaving me particularly hurt and sore. After a month of moping and several months of building up my courage to get back out there I decided to give the Internet a go on the basis that 1) At 31 I was ready for a proper adult relationship 2) I had figured out what I actually valued in women 3) I had learned to reciprocate emotionally and face up to my shameful unwillingness to say “I love you” to my second long term girlfriend. There was also a more fundamental reason which was that the girls on Match.com seemed more interesting and more attractive than the girls in my immediate social circle and work!

    My experience was good and I met some nice girls but I only dated my wife twice. What I did find a bit hard was the reaction that I got from some of those that I didn’t date a second time or broke off contact with. I wasn’t setting out to be nasty and thought that everybody had the same idea of the rules.

    Two slightly funny things did happen:
    1) one of the girls I met online turned out to be the big sister of a guy who was a cocky dick at school and who gave me a bit of a hard time. This was unexpected as we had both moved well away from home. I did like the idea of seeing his face when he realised I was shagging his sister, but we never took it that far and it only stayed a slightly evil thought in my head.
    2) It turned out that the girl who became my wife lived in the same street as I did, almost directly across the road from me, both in flats on the same level so we could wave to one another. While we both have a bit of a laugh about that, particularly as she didn’t believe me when we were discussing which part of the city we lived in when we met our first date and shared a taxi hime.I think that there is a sadder edge to that, one that reflects orders life in cities where you move to after university. We lived 50yds apart for 3 years, we shopped in the same supermarket, post office, deli, cafe and waited for the same train in the morning to take us to work, but our lives were so busy that not once did we make the connection or say hello to each other.

    Once again, thanks for the insight, and best of luck from here on.

    • Great story! Its funny how sometimes it can be hard to meet someone in “real life” and there she was! You just had to meet her online before meeting her in real life, in which case online dating was a perfect solution and a strange, roundabout way to finally meet that girl. Congratulations. Thanks for sharing/reading.

  • lilbrigs says:

    I know that online dating works/has worked for some people…but in my opinion we’ve just gotten lazy, and are less willing to take risks. It’s a lot easier to put things in writing than it is to say them. I’m a big believer in letting the relationship come to you, instead of running after it. I know college kids that are signing up on dating sites, which I think is insanity.

    • I agree that when I see a person on OkCupid that’s under 24 I think “Wow, you should be out there living it up! Boys should be clamoring all over you in real life!” but then I realize that it’s not my place to put any sort of judgment on them. Maybe they’re just very introverted or had their heart broken.. and they’re trying something new. I applaud them for trying at least, even though studies did show that introverts are less likely to try online dating.

  • I found this pretty interesting (and amusing). Total honesty – I’ve judged friends for online dating before. And now that I’ve considered it as a way to help me get back out there and move on (not a great reason, I know) I’m being judged right back. Damn that karma. Regardless, you’ve got some great posts – congrats on getting FP!

    • Haha, yeah, karma in dating is the most real karma there is. Online Dating is becoming a very serious fact of life as we become more attached to our Macbooks and iPhones. Thanks for your input!

  • I went through a lot of the online dating services, the best was when they matched you with someone who was not interested/didnt work out on another site.
    After all that, a cute girl started working at my job- the rest is history.

  • Nat says:

    Well I met my husband on Yahoo! Personals, but this was when they first got started – long before they started charging and all that stuff. Of course, it took me a while to find him, but in August, we will have been happily married for twelve years. For me online dating/meeting worked, but then I’ve heard horror stories too so go figure.

  • diykawaii says:

    I used to be a member of a lot of dating sites because, yes, I was desperate. I had just gotten a divorce and had moved on a long time ago before it actually happened. I met my husband of almost 3 years on Facebook so I wrote a message to all those dating sites: “Found the love of my life on Facebook so I won’t be needing your shitty dating service anymore.” I had 0 dates from these sites by the way :p

  • Interesting perspective. My experiences are pretty similar to yours – I loved online dating right up until I didn’t. It was really appealing to me as a math geek and as a misanthrope. I did eventually start two relationships via the Internet, but considering the number of sites I tried, the volume of messages, and the man-hours spent tinkering with profiles, that’s a pretty poor showing.

    It’s not that I wouldn’t try to meet someone online again, but I think I would avoid those sites. If I want to contact someone through email, I’d like it to be someone with whom I’ve had at least some superficial interaction offline.

  • Nicole says:

    Great post! I’ve always been an advocate for online dating, but also think it’s not for everyone. I think the number one problem people have with it, is taking it way too seriously. I’m engaged to someone I met on OkCupid, but had countless terrible dates prior to that, which I laughed off and chalked up to “experience.”

    On another note, I’ve recently started a Meetup group for local brides to be in my area, and nearly half of them have met their future husbands online, though I live in Silicon Valley, so I suppose this is why my group is a bit of an outlier.

  • Leila says:

    Hi Kenneth, thank you for your interestig post. I think online dating is just one more option you have as to where to meet people. I did it back in the days when you would not easily talk about it and I am happy that this has changed over the years.

    Since I have a success story, I always wanted to tell people about it but my husband, who I met online in 2005, still does not want people to know about how we actually met.

    Some facts: I was 28 and he was 34, we were chatting online occasionally for some months more on a friendship level and went on several dates before we even kissed. Sometimes (especially when you are looking for something more serious) it’s worth to take it slow, at least that’s my personal experience. We have been together for almost 7 years now and have been married for 3 years. And we are still very happy and very grateful to have met each other online.

    • Its funny how many profiles admit that they’ll find it hard to ever actually tell people “How we met” because they’re embarrassed. Get over it, it’s 2012 and the web is a place for Love. It’s the new Paris.

  • roberto88264 says:

    Good work. Interesting news! Thanks for sharing. Greetings from Italy.

  • gouessej says:

    Online dating is a tool, the result mostly depends on you, on your personality and on the way you use these websites. I met almost all my girlfriends online during the ten last years and I feel good. This tool has nothing to prove and what you do with it goes beyond what it really is and which social model it promotes. It can be very helpful for some people and completely inefficient for some other ones. It’s not magic, people should not expect too much from these services. I discovered some years ago that some guys use(d) not free of charge online dating with the wrong options (without subscribing the option allowing women to answer them for free for example) which is quite a waste of time and money. It helps to “manage” relationships, it does not drive relationships easier to build, some efforts are still needed. Best regards.

  • I’ve never had any luck with online dating. And I know several people, both male and female, who have attested to its dubious results and flashes-in-the-pan.

    The computer seems like a bad place to start for a romantic relationship. How do you put the person in a context? How do you make a valid first-impression with only cryptic, 2-dimensional data.

    It also seems to “favor” women. I say “favor” because, although they receive a short-term ego boost, they realize quickly that they aren’t setting themselves up for anything meaningful.

    Attraction between two people is a physical phenomenon that happens in time and space. It’s not just how they look, but how they move, talk and carry themselves. This can’t be communicated online, even with video.

    • Girls have the advantage of getting to pick through their hundreds of messages and if they are good at weeding out the bad ones then I think they CAN find a serious connection. But your right, there is a definite problem because not a lot of people are good at communicating WHO they are. It’s no different than not looking like your picture and I honestly think nobody looks 100% like a picture of themselves. Thanks for reading!

    • gouessej says:

      You know several people in the same case but it does not allow to conclude online dating does not work. You cannot simply consider you’re a representative case. The aim of online dating is to lead to real dating, it’s not a closed circle. If the communication stays in the virtual area, it will stay in its limits. Therefore, opposing real dating and online dating is nonsensical. If you don’t succeed in going from a virtual meeting to a real meeting, this will be your problem, not the problem of the tool.

  • complicatedwaltz says:

    I am also an online dating success story. Freshly out of a bad marriage, I was 27 and completely clueless on how to date. My first husband was my high school sweetheart, so I had never been through that dating scene. Ever. This was back in 2004, before there were a lot of dating sites. I went on yahoo personals just to browse. There wasn’t any sort of filtering, other than zip code and whether you’d date a smoker, things like that. I remember coming across my ex-husband’s profile at some point and laughing at his ‘desperation,’ yet here I was, too. I never had a profile of my own. I only talked with guys that seemed nice. I didnt have any bad experiences. I chatted with a few, but really connected with one. I took it slow and we had a ‘date’ after chatting online for a month. He was the only one I ever met in person. I was embarrassed and didn’t tell anyone how we met. At the time, online dating had a stigma of being only for loose hookups, creeps, or freaks. We were none of those things. We had instant chemistry and compatibility. It was so cliche to me, I actually broke up with him, not believing it could be this easy, or this true.

    We got married three years later. Coming up on our five year anniversary this summer. We have two little boys now. I’m so grateful that we found each other. It really was just dumb luck online. He’s my soulmate, my best friend, my rock, a wonderful husband and father to our kids. I love him with all my heart. So grateful to the universe and the internets for bringing us together.

  • metaphoricdream says:

    Great post it sheds light on a rather interesting and important topic/issue-online dating and dating in general. I think online dating sites are not the best way to meet someone as simply seeing a profile and talking through the Internet is much different than meeting in person, engaging in conversation in person and the possible/right connections in person may not necessarily be there. Finding something casual such as a “hook up”, “friends with benefits”, etc are obviously easier and more possible to find online than a long term, serious, committed, meaningful relationship. On that note, casual things-hook ups, friends with benefits, etc-I am absolutely not interested (never have been) nor are those things my cup of tea. Hence, dating sites are not for me. As for meeting someone in person for a long term, serious, meaningful, committed relationship-that has both negative and positive attributes-there are also many different factors that I think play a major role in meeting someone and for it to work out/be successful.

  • May says:

    I met my boyfriend at a bar after a year of online dating fails. My friend tried online dating and got me curious since she wasn’t the “type” that I thought would need it too. I was working the bar scene and the online scene with “success” but I had given up on trying to get past date three. I have also definitely stated something about bars and not working for long term…

    But I was wrong, you can meet someone worthwhile while hammered at a bar! So I’m sure online works too. But only when, you know, you give up (hence why I was really drunk that night).

  • chunter says:

    You struck an important point by explaining that to decide dating is successful, you must define success. If marriage or long-term domestic partnership is the goal of dating, then largely, ALL forms of dating have more failures than successes, not just the cyber-arranged kind. That’s just how stuff works. I haven’t seen the statistics in a while, but I’m still under the impression that half of all marriages fail, so that is an issue too.

    Best wishes and try not to take setbacks too hard.

    Congratulations on FP

  • Kat says:

    Two benefits I can think of about online dating:
    1) You Know What People Want — Kind Of.
    Some people may say they want a long term relationship, but really want sex. Or they say they want sex but really want a long term relationship. Either way, at the very least “I’m available” is there. Unlike at a bar, where you can’t tell who’s looking and who’s not. And I feel like at a bar there’s an invisible barrier of sorts with people.

    2) Scheduling
    You can designate a time and place for a date with someone out of your busy schedule. Although it may be debatable if one saves more time than another. i.e. Hitting on people at a bar vs browsing online profiles. Maybe it’s more cost effective though if you’re not winning people over by buying them (and yourself) drinks.

    I’ve only gone on one date that came from OkCupid. I was scared out of my mind because I had never done it before. The date was an overall disappointment mostly because the guy was incredibly awkward/weird, but at least I wasn’t raped or murdered (which were my biggest fears).

    I’m in a relationship now that didn’t come about from an online dating site. I don’t think online dating would work for me personally because of the effort it took just to go on that first date resulting from OkCupid.

    Now, I use OkCupid to passively-aggressively find friends to hang out with in my area, but for some odd reason I seem to get way fewer messages for that. :P

    Anyways, good luck with your relationship endeavors.

  • Animockery says:

    Everyone has their own way of meeting people. Each of my siblings meet their spouse a different way. My oldest sister met her husband through friends. My brother met his wife through work essentially, both are in the military. My second oldest sister met her husband at a party and I met my wife online. All of us are happy and I have been married 4 years and we have two beautiful kids. I say try it if you feel it may be worth it but still be careful there are some nuts out there.

  • theredbench says:

    Online dating is still just as pathetic and desperate as we always thought it was. With no point of reference of who the person is on the other end of the computer, albeit married, psychotic or what have you. There is a lot to be said for meeting someone in person. Body language can tell you a lot. I think that just because something is becoming popular doesn’t make it worthwhile. Good topic! ;)

  • Dugutigui says:

    One good thing about Internet dating: you’re guaranteed to click with whomever you meet… :)

  • Jbot says:

    This is how I feel more or less about all dating. It’s not something I fully understand.

    But then, I am also a robot.

  • I met my husband on Match.com. I was my fourth time trying an online dating website. I had used Match once before, eharmony, and plentyoffish. Then I went back to Match. I found Match to be the best of the four if you’re looking to date to find “the one.” Eharmony was too restrictive–they only let you look at peole THEY think will be good for you based on that personality test. Plentyofifish was a dating site for people who just want to “hook up” and have sex. Match has everything and if you use the “advanced search options” you can find someone who shares your interests, values, etc. I used the advanced search option and put in things like education, religion, politics, height, build, etc. After putting in all of my specific “desires,” I pressed enter and came up with about twenty men. My husband was one of them. I know it sounds too perfect, but like I said, it took trying online dating four times and I went out with probably 10 guys total through online dating before I met my husband. I’m so glad I did, though. And I do have to thank Match.com because I never would have met my husband otherwise. He lived in Pasadena and I lived about 35 miles away.

  • itsjustfolly says:

    Been doing the eharmo for the last 3 months and have had to archive 300 of the 310 “matches” I have been paired with, some were short, some creepy looking, some didn’t capitalize their first name and failed to use even basic punctuation. Not too picky, just picky enough I think. I have to say tho that I haven’t been on a single date as of yet. I have found many, is 10 ‘many’?, unbelievable profiles, guys who are ruggedly handsome, post pictures with their puppies, motorcycle, cute friends. They live nearby. I have written these men, perhaps they have higher expectations, and have never received a reply. I have found other postings online of women who think there is fraud afoot. I do hope the last week I have left proves more fruitful than the last 10. I do wish you well also in your quest to find true love.

    Soozie

  • Christopher says:

    I made a shocking discovery about dating sites after I’d noticed some strangely differing stories about experiences on dating sites (especially OkCupid, but probably others) I asked around my friends and looked up articles online and it seems to be true.

    Women and Men have completely different experiences with online dating, but they each have no idea it’s different for the other gender… that’s part of the reason opinions are so conflicting and confused.

    In general for women (I’m sure there are exceptions) they go on these sites and receive a torrent of messages from guys. It’s such a noisy site – it’s like the guys are falling all over each other to get to the girls. Of course, that’s what boys are like, right? Typical! It’s a big ego rush and every so often they will pick one of the messages to read, and maybe reply. Who’d have the time for more? They assume that the site is just like that for guys.

    Except for guys … they’re not even sure whether anyone still uses the site … it’s dead quiet … months can go by with no messages. 9 out of 10 times that guys message a girl … there’s no reply … worse still … on sites like OkCupid … you can see that the girl hasn’t even looked at your profile, are they even using the site still?? So guys either give up, or turn into spammers – sending out messages to lots of girls, knowing that they need to do that to get any attention at all.

    The guys have no idea. Unlike when your neighbour throws a noisy party, they’re entirely “soundproofed” and oblivious from the overwhelming experience the women are having. They assume they’re the only ones sending out emails on a silent site – makes it feel even more hurtful to get so completely ignored.

    I’m not sure how to fix this, but it seems a big problem.

    • Yes, very different for both sexes. Perhaps OkCupid is a bad example for a “site where you’re looking for love” even though I know couples have formed from there, it still seems like Match has the higher success rate depending on what you’re looking for. Even the OkCupid Locals is like… Wow, really? It’s only for people to meet up… right now. At this moment. I need a little more background than that. Thanks for reading!

      • Christopher says:

        I also meant to say that none of the guys (or even me) on these sites had ever had a woman *start* a conversation with us. From what I can tell from the women I asked, they don’t ever bother initiating any contacts with guys – they just pick someone from the messages they’ve received, and ignore the others.

        It’s kinda like the clock on feminism has been turned back … women just sit on their rock and wait for the messages to come to them. The guys have to do all the work.

    • I initiated the conversation with my husband on Match!! I’ve talked to many girls about what they look for…thinking of doing a post on what guys need to do to get noticed cuz you’re right…within about 3 minutes of signing up for Match I had about 20 messages. I didn’t look at all of them but I did look at some and probably replied to about five. It is overwhelming for girls, but when it came down to it, I wanted to pick the ones I actually wanted to date (not the other way around).

  • eternallyhopeful says:

    Very interesting…. We should do a personal survey of all the online dating sites undercover and give the real facts…

    Success? I haven’t found it in over 2 years on/off…

    I have found it to be overwhelming, and do find that most are online to hook up for that one night encounter. Pretty sad!

    Plus, there are some dysfunctional messes. A good online dating site would somehow measure the emotional well being of the individual, but they can’t and they don’t. I could write books upon books of the interesting people that I’ve been matched with. Sometimes, I wonder how can I be compatible with one extreme to the next… really? Is it really possible for a computer to match people with any success? There are so many components to a personality- and it is more than personality, intellect, and even appearance… relatability in person is key – how can a computer measure this?

    Yet, I prefer Eharmony to all other sites especially the ones where everyone can view the profile. Eharmony feels more secure, and the one that I’ve been on the longest yet I have not found success as of yet. I am making progress- alot of first meetings… some big UGH meetings… many too many questions… after a while it gets old.. really another job to sort through piles and piles of matches. I likely have nearly 3,000 matches over all this time on/off and during dating I turn off matching and quit communicating. Longest dating relationship – 5 months. Most end in the first meeting- nope! easy to know in person.

    As for the other sites – have only tried the Cupid and Christian Mingle – and don’t like either- I removed my profile after 1 week on Cupid- I got so many emails even before completing my profile- 1 pic- really that’s all anyone cares about. Sometimes I wonder if I gave the stupidist responses if it would make any difference- look good I’ll meet ya- but then what is he really after…. yep, very clear to know…

    Success, unfortunately None for me. But, working fulltime, demands of being a single parent, there isn’t time to be out looking, and most at the age of 40 are married with families… so, not desperate at all, not giving up, but currently in pause mode – tired of the entire process… Considering all I likely would never have a date absent online, yet online hasn’t yet connected me to the one. Still waiting for him…..

    • Keep on plugging away and I’m sure you’ll find something good. As the son of a single mom, she has spent my whole life without a significant other since my dad and her split because she was too busy raising us and didn’t want to interrupt the household… and I wish that she had, if that’s what made her happy. Thanks for reading!

  • I tried the whole online dating thing. Tried Match, tried plentyoffish, even True when it first started. While I did have a relationship for about a month, on the whole, my experience with online dating is a waste of time for me. I live in a rural area where I know practically everyone, (including the ones I WOULD NOT even dream of dating) Everyone else is 200 plus miles away. That’s not very realistic. Does that mean I will never meet anyone? Who knows. While it may be frustrating at times, online where you spend too much time getting to know someone only through emails and phone calls, just doesn’t work for me. If it takes a guy two months to want to actually meet you, by that time you have worked yourself up into thinking it might be more than it is.

    I wish everyone that tries it the best of luck, but for me, I’ll wait till I’m in a coffee shop, bookstore, grocery shopping, or heck, bumping into someone and spilling my drink.

    Great post. (Couldn’t quite read through all the stats, but I still enjoyed it)

    • The long distance, long waiting-period, online thing is something that I don’t know I could handle. It’s definitely a DIFFERENT online “dating” experience, but I suppose sometimes its the only choice or sometimes people unexpectedly fall for each other from far away. I’ve also heard horror stories of “Fake people” that fell in love with someone that doesn’t actually exist, but that’s another story.

  • antarabesque says:

    I met a couple nice guys on web sites prior, all weren’t looking for Ms. Right, but Ms. Right Now. Finally met my husband in 1999, and things couldn’t be better, my groom is still the love of my life.

  • singlegirlie says:

    I am with you, Kenneth. I, for one, have done plenty of online dating and have never been more disillusioned about dating and relationships. You are absolutely right – you go on more dates, but also have more fails. Because basically you’re going on a ton of blind dates, except you don’t have a friend in common who set you up and thought you’d be a good match. There is no way to really know if you’ll be compatible until you meet in person, and when you do, the whole thing just seems so inorganic that it’s bound to be awkward and you write the whole thing off as “we had no chemistry.”

    The other thing you mentioned briefly is the idea of too much choice being a bad thing. It can be overwhelming sorting through hundreds of profiles, and whether or not you pick the “right” ones is really a crapshoot.

    I’d never say “online dating doesn’t work,” because for some people, it does. But for some it can be very frustrating. I suppose it may be less so if you don’t take it too seriously and don’t mind spending time meeting a lot of people you wind up having no romantic interest in.

    Perhaps the increase in online dating memberships have something to do with the rise in vibrator sales. Just sayin’. :)

    • I’d like to think that I also have something to do with the rise in vibrator sales! Oh wait, now that makes it sounds like I’m buying vibrators.

      Good to hear from the girl’s side on the LA dating scene. It can be quite a lot to have to wade through to find the good ones, which goes back to the “too many choices” issue. When grandma and grandpa got married and stayed together for 60 years, they were usually their “first” in every respect. And it worked out. Now we’re staring at 500 people in your area that are available to meet… right now! It’s just not always better to have more.

  • A Little Blonde Writer says:

    I work for a dating site in Australia. And I have 2 things to day.

    1. Online dating DOES work. Our site has seen countless people fall in love, get married and even have babies.

    2. It’s not always bad to pay for online dating. We don’t have ads. The paying members pay my salary and in return, they get 24 hour email support, all profiles and photos are verified by hand and we remove about 8 scammers a day before they can even contact anyone. We even resize and upload/crop photos for our members if they can’t do it themselves. Yes, even for free members (we have free membership as well as paid).

    Just sayin’.

    • Thanks for stopping by! Yes, Online Dating CAN work. This was just an exploration to how successful it really is. I can see from the comments that the success stories are aplenty too.

  • A Little Blonde Writer says:

    2 things to *say, sorry.

  • well i cannot seem to find anybody in the physical world, maybe i might have better luck in virtual. :]

  • Childwoman says:

    Interesting post! I have been single for long time, dont ask me how long, you would be embarrased. One of my friends insisted that I try online dating. For sometime I couldnt get myself to log on, as I thought thats’ what desperados do. Well, I tried and it sucked. Big Time. I met desperate men who just wanted to get lucky. There was not a single guy who was decent and could hold a good conversation. As you can imagine, it totally put me off online dating.

    But I know people who have married after meeting their partners on online. I guess it works out for some :) I am still single. And its not so bad. I guess its better to be single, rather than dealing with some unexplainable complicated relationship.

    • It’s interesting how many girls say that all the men on the sites are dogs, or looking for one thing, or desperate… which I KNOW is true.. but I’m proud to say that I’m really looking for something legit and I think I’m a pretty nice guy, but just haven’t met the right person and I’ve also had issues meeting the wrong kinds of girls. Thanks for reading.

  • heehee, ah it’s all so ultimately pointless

  • Met my other half through online chatroom, does it count? Haha. But good stuff Kenneth. :)

  • TomBoy says:

    Didn’t work for me… They were not girls who I would have ever run into organically… The thing is that my current was met from a friend of a friend and I probably would have had trouble ever naturally meeting her too; although, I have seen her before. Dating and relationships are mostly hard work.

  • I use WordPress for my online dating. It’s easy, write some amazing stuff. We all know girls like good writers. Then when you have a lot of followers. Your next blog is just hey, this is me, this what im looking for whos interested… watch the comments ( numbers ) pile up..

    its foolproof.

  • Sarah Harris says:

    Kenneth, this is a great rundown! The Good, the bad, the shocking and so on! My friend always says “If you don’t get a date, at least it’s another business contact. OK, @Handsome Lover of Words, that is hilarious! And nothing is more attractive than a man who can express himself well!

  • Lan Tị says:

    I think part of the reason why online dating usually does not work out is that people generally don’t take it very seriously. Like you have stated yourself, you aren’t very serious with the girls you went on dates with through online courtship.

    For people who take relationship seriously, as stated through ‘stats’, they simply don’t look at online dating services.

    For most people, who they meet in college remain their close friends. When I was in college, the first and second year seem the easiest to meet people. By the time I was a fourth year, almost everyone around me was already in a relationship. Some even plan to get married after college. Even for those who do not meet through college, they remain close as high school sweethearts.

    As Americans, I think mostly bars and clubs are places where people meet. I see people go to work, come home, eat and sleep, then the day ends. In a year, how many actually has time to spend outside? It’s not a matter of no time to go out but a matter of who can I go out to hang with? There are friends but they are friends not potential mate.

    It’s hard. It’s tough. That’s why I think the online business is floating high. It’s not about success rate. It’s just people want a chance to meet others. Whether they like it or not, nothing can be lost over a simple profile or greetings. People can always reject an offer that is deemed questionable.

    I don’t use any online dating services because I simply do not know who actually can view my profile and how much of what is said to me is true. (Irony from above? lol)

    I think this can apply to most girls (and/or guys). Not to be introverted (although I am), but I think that online services are welcomed much more by guys than girls. This is not based on stats, of course, but what I think. Honestly, with any sort of fling or sex the guys usually have more of an advantage. This might be due to cultural difference, but that’s what I seriously believe.

    Even though I say so, I do have a friend who met her husband through online forum. However, this was during high school time. By now, they have been dating for a long time. I think when one is much younger, it’s much better to throw oneself out there and meet people.

    As people become older, there is a lot more to think about. It’s simply not just ‘Oh, what if I don’t like this person?’ but more on ‘Does this even worth my time and effort?’

    I do think that it depends on the level of ‘panic’ one has as one grows older. But do I really want to meet people who are ‘panicking’? Or do I really want to be one of those who are actually ‘panicking’?

    Nah.

    Thanks for your thoughts.

    P.S. I think if you want to find a serious girl to date, try to actually be serious. Most often times I find guys try to distance themselves so that they won’t be too hurt if they are too serious. However, i can sense that. What makes, then, to think that the girls will try to be serious?

    I’m not trying to think I understand you, just sayin’. ;)

    • rococonnor says:

      I’d second this reply to the post.
      Between the lines is a mix of anger and despair at it having not worked out yet, which I understand, and has driven the need to figure out a statistical answer.
      You’re also particularly harsh on girls who have low self-esteem – which is more common amongst women than men – statistically speaking, so I think that’s something that need to be accepted.
      Otherwise, a very good read.

  • bestweddingdressforyou says:

    i will never try online dating

  • As someone who met their husband online, I am a happy customer, but I had MANY bad dates prior to meeting him. I signed up and cancelled a number of times (like you said, it drags you back in), and over time my profile changed. I spent time developing my profile not just to talk about who I was, but what I was there for. Whether you meet in a bar or online, people often starting dating with no real thoughtful idea of what they seek in a mate and what will make them happy. Until a person is able to enunciate what they truly want for themselves or for others in a relationship, then no dating alternative will offer more than momentary satisfaction.

    Thanks for your article – it was nice to see the topic treated with more than a passing giggle!

  • glimmerbomb says:

    Most girls I know use online ‘dating’ sites for short-term hook-ups as well, hoping to score with a sugar daddy but end up complaining about creeps! I don’t see the difference between these social networking services and arranging to meet up with someone you’ve met on iRC – except for the fact that they save you the time of asking questions such as a/s/l and requesting for a photo to be sent over.

  • This was a great post, well-written, humorous, informative–and I loved the statistics, I’m a math guy, too, so it appeals to my academic desires to read a post like this.

    My only two serious relationships began online, but I had the poor judgment in beginning relationships that were unmanageably long distance (different states first, then different countries!). I met my first boyfriend on Facebook–and before you wonder how that happened, we both belonged to the same group, so we began talking through our common interests and took it from there. No random profile stalking involved. At least not on my end of cyperspace. Some time after the blissful two months we had together, he met someone locally and they began dating. After they had been together a few months, he told me to try out OkCupid, since that’s where they had met.

    I was loathe to try online dating at first, but I succumbed to at least trying it. My next boyfriend and I were together six months before, again, things fell through. After that, I’ve had numerous dating failures, however: Every time something seems to be headed in the right direction, we set up a date and it’s cancelled at the last minute, or we say we’re going to set up a date and then they stop talking. I can’t say that’s any better than the closest things I’ve come to offline: The two guys I almost dated ended up not working out as well. (I’m inclined sometimes to think it’s me, but then all my female friends and a fair number of my straight male friends all have no idea why I’m single, since they say I’m such a great guy, so I really have no clue.)

    I still use online dating for two reasons: First, a lot of gay men are not out–you just can’t find them by looking for people dripping with rainbows, and there’s a great sense of intimidation approaching a guy at a bar or at school. On the one hand, you legitimately like him and want to know him better. On the other hand, if you even remotely seem romantically interested, is he going to punch your lights out? It’s a genuine fear–and that makes meeting in person much more difficult.

    The second reason I like online dating is that, much like the writer who commented earlier, it helps me weed out the people I know I could never be with. I love to read. I love to write. If you can’t type in perfect grammar–or even acceptable grammar!–there’s no way I could be happy with you in the long term. Meeting people first in the form of their ideas and how they present themselves intellectually also appeals to me because I’m a largely intellectual guy and respect that in people.

    Do either of these benefits make online dating more successful? Absolutely not. But they do make it an easy option to meet people, and sometimes that’s all a guy needs–the opportunity to meet people and see what comes of it, for better or for worse.

  • I guess I do it periodically because I feel driven to. You know, relationship doesn’t work out, nothing to do on Saturday night..hit the online dating sites. It’s resulted in a couple of real relationships, but it seems I get pickier and pickier as I get older (not a good combo). I like guys who are really clever, and there aint many of those, sadly.

  • I don’t know if this makes any difference, but I met two really great guys on eHarmony. I was really not attracted to either of them, but they were great…however, I did not want to pursue a relationship for lack of attraction. I’ve met some guys on Match.com that I was crazy attracted to but they were assholes. No relationship there either.

    My own opinion is most of the people on dating sites seem to be “broken”. Fear of commitment, substance issues, cling-ons…

    I will remain single until I meet someone in “real life”. I find that searching online damages my already low self esteem :-)

    • I completely agree. I’ve dated the gamut; I tended to find the most dates from lavalife.com and while entertaining and keeping me in practice, it wasn’t realistic for a long-term relationship.

      I stopped dating after I had felt like I had dated every man in Toronto and the profiles that circulated on the site I had either no interest in or had dated already. My roommate here in Halifax suggested I get back into the Online dating world but I can’t. Like you, I’ll remain single until I meet someone in person. There are somethings (actually quite a few) that you just have to experience in person. There’s nothing more exciting than feeling that spark when you meet someone.

  • desi83 says:

    I will say that you were right about the courtship being shorter for those who do find actual relationships from online dating, but I see that as a bad thing. When you meet someone from an online dating site, you both know why you are there, and you start dating then become “boyfriend and girlfriend” without there ever being a period in which you are friends first and get to know each other on that platonic level. Even when you are chatting online, there is that tension, that expectation. I don’t know, it is a weird way to date, but it is effective. In today’s society, it is easier to find someone that way. I say don’t put all of your eggs in one basket-try online dating, but find hobbies that get you around new people that have something in common with you where you may meet someone special in person. Interesting post, by the way, both skeptical and yet open. I liked it:)

  • Aurora, HSP says:

    It worked for two of my sisters (one 9 yrs married, the other 6) but, in my observation of having been on several of the sites – no more – I find it creates a drive-through-people mentality where people are no longer willing to take the time, make the effort or even bother to close their profiles once mutually exclusive. Why? Because they don’t have to, they and their needy egos are one click away from a new candidate so rather than have an attitude of gratitude once you find someone solid, that whole nonchalance is the driver, in my opinion. Why should anyone think anyone else is “special” or worth working for if they can have a never ending turnstile of happy folks replete with the “newness thrills” without doing very much at all. Not my style. But then, that could explain why I don’t find them successful anymore. When my sisters met their future husbands, online dating was relatively new and still had a high level of sincerity and “reality,” I believe. Of the half dozen sites I’ve been on (some paid, not free at all), it was a sorry mess of matches they sent who drank daily or looked 80 and while I’ve made a couple of friends to hang with and see a movie, I never met anyone who was sincerely seeking a relationship, even though they said so on their profile. Okay, one. We saw one another for a year and then I find he’s been on the dating sites all along so those business late nights and lunches were probably quite interesting. Plus he was using MY computer. Ah well, live and learn. Just heard on the radio that despite their “claimed” success, dating sites aren’t working so well anymore. Well, now, I could’ve told them that, lol. Nice post, thank you for the research, the effort you put into this piece shows. Well said.

  • I have lots to say regarding the online dating experience. As for OKCupid….had a horrible experience. In fact, on my blog — Lipstick and Playdates, I wrote a post: Why I Declare Jihad on OkCupid. Click here to read more.

    http://lipstickandplaydates.wordpress.com/2011/10/16/a-few-simple-reasons-why-i-declare-jihad-on-ok-cupid/

  • webangel81 says:

    I don’t know! I’ve never tried an online dating forum! But I can tell you this… if you already have someone in sight, but don’t know how to approach them, a casual Facebook message is a great ice breaker! I’ve also gone on several dates with folks I met via MySpace, including one who’s now my husband :)

  • Even it is virtual, we have to accept that internet is a world. Online dating will increase same as shopping and information sharing. Of course there will be positive and negative examples but the ones that we see from our friends are showing that people are more bare while they are in internet. It seems mostly a wuickwin or quickloss that is saving the time ;-)

  • OperationJA says:

    Really interesting piece. Many of those ideas hasn’t exactly crossed my mind in that way, but I guess you’re right. I liked how you attempted to find resources and data to support or challenge your arguments. A worthy post indeed~ Congrats

  • Good points! As if we need any more excuses to jump online and avoid the real world. Soon ‘dating stories’ will be about what he/she wrote.
    “He wrote WHAT? Asshole!’
    “She really emailed that? Crazy alert!”
    I suppose it won’t affect stereotypes. At least some things are sacred.

  • asianbadass says:

    I’m about 5′ and change (5’1 or 5’2…5’5 with the right boots), and I honestly represent my height on all the dating sites. I agree that the short men out there don’t get responded to as much, but I never liked misrepresenting myself. In the end, you’re going to have to come clean, and if not it’ll be glaringly obvious when you show up for the first date. Off comes my magic boots, and I’m 5’2″ again, so why lie? Although I will have to change my height stat sometime and measure the change in message rate at some point. That’d be interesting as a study. (Yes, don’t fret, I will message anyone who contacts me with my actual height!)

    I agree with you though. It’s a huge numbers game. In a short person’s game, it’s also a long long game. One of my most successful relationships actually came from eHarmony, and it lasted 5 years. (successful in that it lasted 5, and ended reasonably amicably, not that it ended). So the best advice I have for short guys is to not give up and keep sending messages to different people daily.

  • eyeonwales says:

    Always found the concept of looking online for a partner flawed. Looking online for a friend, someone with shared interests, and used as a starting point for something, that I found very sensible. Interests and an appreciation of what is important to people should be the foundation for most forms of relationships – charging headfirst into a ‘I want a wife/husband’ senario is rarely going to work, in life or online. So long as the focus falls on what is important in a relationship, rather than getting the relationship in the first place, then things have the potential at the very least, and for many, that something is not nothing, it is the start of something hopefully very positive.

  • I met my wife on match.com and would recommend it to anyone…

  • Abi Tight says:

    There’s nothing wrong with online dating. I spent a year going from bar to bar picking up ‘toxic’ dates before I dared to join Lovestruck London and found actually spending time communicating by mail with people before I met them a great way to sort the freaks from the friendlies.

    I think for the online dating thing to work it is best to spend a bit of money in order to sort out the Badoo bad boy sex addicts who treat you like a pizza delivery from guys who are seriously looking for a girlfriend. If they are seriously looking they are more likely to go through the long process of signing up and paying a monthly fee.

    I had a few fun dates, a few crazies I managed to work out were crazy before I ever met up with them, one six month relationship and am now into over a year with what looks like a long-term commitment to a lovely man who spent years looking for ‘the one’ and has good feelings towards dating agencies too.

    I am a big believer in kharma and feel this guy was put in my path by the laws of synchronicity. Yes I could have bumped into him on the street or met him through friends maybe but he would never have had the guts to ask me out and I would have missed out on the reams and reams of whats app and dating site communications we have kept as a memento for the future.

  • Jaina says:

    I’ve been on the online dating sites on and off for a long time. I’ve tried the free ones like OKCupid, gave Match.com a go and even eHarmony. Like you, I’ve gone out on a lot of dates and like you I realised that I can do that part of meeting people. But haven’t yet found a relationship out of online dating. And now I’m beginning to wonder whether it is working.

    Online dating is a great way for you to get that confidence built up in you, knowing that you can just have a chat to a random stranger and be ok with that. However, I’m a bit cynical about the whole scene now as it clearly isn’t working for me. Or I’m just insanely picky!

    I know 2 couples who met through an online dating site and are happily married. One on the way to having a kid. Just never know!

  • piblogger says:

    Internet dating is not real dating or as relationship expert Dr. Jackie Black put it . . . you actually have to physically meet someone before you can call it a date (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/jon-hansen/2010/05/18/the-risks-and-rewards-of-cyber-dating).

  • Gina says:

    I was not sure the online dating to be honest.

    In fact , I think depedent on what kind of relationship you are looking for. How serious you are and what are you preparing in life? Hold the faith, I think it is the great to way to look for someone who should match you in the future.

  • karencookiejar says:

    Personal experience, no, it doesn’t work, I’ve gone on 3 dates, one of those turned into the worst relationship of my life. The other 2 never spoke to after the first date .

  • smcwrites says:

    I met my exbf on plenty of fish, and my current bf of almost two years on eHarmony (hooray for free weekends – well for me anyways), one of my friends met her husband on Lavalife, another one of my friends met her long term bf on plenty of fish and I’ve had several other friends meet people on a variety of sites and they are taking a break from it for now but say that when they are ready they will definitely give online dating another shot because “what else would they do? go to the bar?” and it’s really getting to that point where it’s like unless some one can think of someone to introduce to you (which is never – I have no one I can think of that I would introduce to one of my single friends, that just never seems to come up any more, everyone always just seems to be married already, or too old, or too young, or just too pathetic) so that is just what people do now, they online date if they want to meet someone – it just seems normal now. It’s not always easy – there are a lot of creepers, and it is a numbers game to an extent, but it was like that before online dating – the thing I really liked about it was that I could read the profiles ahead of time and for me if they couldn’t even formulate a decent profile I probably wouldn’t want to go on a date with them! I realize this wouldn’t be a deal breaker for everyone but it was something that was important to me, the ability to express yourself verbally, and form sentences properly – that’s always nice ;) and now I have a bf who reminds me not to use “good” as an adverb so that’s a bonus! We all like different things – and like you said in your post, having common interests is important; I never realized how true that was until I actually met someone who had some common interests with me! Good luck with your search.

  • eatinggreener says:

    My issue with online dating (and yes, I can admit I’ve tried it, and “dated” multiple a couple people I’ve met online) is this: Even once you’ve weeded out the ones who are just looking to sleep around, you are left with a big pool of people who are looking for a relationship, ie: someone to fill a role, whereas I think that ideally things should happen the other way around– you should learn to be happy on your own until you meet someone with that “thing” that makes you want a relationship. In essence, a potentially dangerous sequencing issue.

  • Ange says:

    Okay, looking at the number of comments on this post, it appears that all relevant points of view have been taken…but I will confess that I didn’t read all of them because, of course, my comment is somehow more relevant than the other 129. :-)

    After not one, but two failed marriages to complete and utter jerks, I determined that I was utterly inept at choosing my own men. It seems that my previous choices were good at lying to me but not much else. Sigh.

    As a full-time professional and a full-time single parent, I simply did not have time to go looking for dates. I tried old fashioned dating a couple of times, but I ended up with a fan club of idiots who called me to chat in the middle of the night–not the way to a lady’s heart, morons!

    Finally, I decided to try eHarmony. I didn’t truly believe it would work for me, but I liked the fact that they made a reasonable effort to authenticate their uses, and they would only send other members who matched my profile and so forth. After all, I did not have time to sort through a bunch of cattle to find someone who might really be compatible. I was such a skeptic that I gave sarcastic answers to some of their questions (not the 400-odd “important” questions but the “about me” questions).

    It took less than a month for eHarmony to find someone I would NEVER have given a second glance to in real life (not my “type”). The advantage of eHarmony online dating is that you have a chance to interact with candidates in a meaningful way that allows you to learn who they are before you “meet” them in real life. It made all the difference for me.

    We’ve been married for some time now and couldn’t be happier…but we refused to be one of those annoying “success stories” in the eHarmony ads–is anyone really that lame?

    Why doesn’t it work for you? I dunno. Perhaps you are not weird enough to need an online dating site to find the three other people on this planet who have the same hangups you do.

  • youngsub91 says:

    I think using a website purposely designed to not be a dating site has worked tons better for everyone I know.
    I met my current boyfriend on fetlife.com and I couldn’t be happier! :)

  • Justin says:

    Online dating has worked out pretty well as far as my circle of acquaintances is concerned! I met my girlfriend on Craigslist, two of my friends met their wives on OKCupid, and a friend’s mom met her new boyfriend on PlentyOfFish after her divorce. I recommend it :)

  • Bubo's Girl says:

    I’m one of the lucky ones, I met mine on OkCupid and we have been together for 4 years. I found those serious about dating, looked at profiles like they were speed dating. Gabe and I started talking because of a mutual interest in a game, then moved on to interest in each other. 4 months after talking on the phone we decided to meet. Its been great since. I think it is how you go about it that matters. When your goal is to find Mr. or Mrs. right, we tend to read for the flaws to rule them out quickly. Instead of looking for the positives. Also, I met several great people that became great movie friends and online chatters. Keep your chins up its a big world out there.

  • Great great post on online dating! Love that you pulled together all the statistics. For me, online dating is a good way to meet people (especially if you’ve moved to a new city) but it’s never yielded more than a few dates, a new circle of guy friends, and some perhaps a few more bar room make-out sessions. No love of my life but not the worst way to expand your social scene either.

  • Valentine says:

    I met my husband on match.com: I was on there for 5 days, went on 1 date and was married 6 months later. We have been married for 8 years now VERY happily. He is now less than 1cent a day on my initial investment. I say it works : )

  • My entire dating career has been based on Online dating sites. (Except for that one guy I met in an English Pub called the Spotted Dick. That didn’t go over so well.) Considering I call myself a one-date wonder, I don’t think there’s much out there that will help.

    I loved online dating because I met so many men I never would have otherwise. Pilots, lawyers, transsexuals, men with serious anger issues various businessmen and future sugar daddies. It’s been interesting to say the least. I have a story for any situation and I can pull out a few that would make anyone feel better about their latest disappointment.

    When I told my mom about dating online, she freaked out. Of course she would since it was 2002 and I was a young, naive 20. I looked at it this way- take each profile with a bucket of salt and be skeptical like if you met someone through the bottom of your 4th glass of jaggerbombs. That super sexy stud standing over there could actually be a Clark Kent kind of nerd (minus the hot body and chiseled jaw line) or the well-dressed guy with the MBA could be living it up before heading to jail for fraud or insider trading. You never know.

    The point is is that regardless of how you meet someone, short of an arranged marriage (and even then…) it’s always a crap shoot. I’ve taken myself out of the Online pool for a few years now but I fondly remember those One-Date Wonder years.

  • aka gringita says:

    I’ve become an Online Dating hater (3x on eHarmony over a multi-year window, each time less “fun” than the prior).

    I always wonder about the 3-month tenure statistic. The sites tout that like it’s an indicator that “success” in relationships is reached in 3 months (versus the very real possibility that people get fed up with it within 3 months and just walk away). For instance, I always wonder how much of that is driven by the fact that eHarmony is one of the leading sites and periodically offers a 3-month free trial? (Does March.com do the same? Is the 3-month window based on people trying the top sites and playing only as long as it’s free?)

    • When I signed up for Match, I think there was some offer, but I still paid for three months. And I also left simply because it went NOWHERE. I think its a small% of people that leave before 3 months because they found someone.

  • Aimee says:

    I’m cracking up at some of these comments! I was on (and off) Match for almost two years. It got old really fast and I don’t mean the guys sending the messages – though some of them were pretty old and one sent a list of his stats (height, weight, age and, ahem…inseam – GAHROSSE!!)

    Meeting people and going on dates was good practice (I’m introverted) but I mostly just learned about what I DIDN’T want. It’s a virtual meat market. Almost as scary and nearly as dangerous as buying a couch on Craig’s list.

    …and WOW you are TALL!! —yeah, I bet that one never gets old ;)

  • Sunshine says:

    Well thank goodness your blog is under 550 calories. Now I can still have dinner ;) I think you have more of a chance of forming a relationship when you are placed in a situation where you meet a person frequently in places that are comfortable and familiar to you. And by you, I mean people in general. That’s why it seems easier to meet people in college, continuing ed, work, or at places where you engage in a hobby…if said hobby involves getting out of the house. Interestingly enough, I have also met several fabulous people on Twitter with whom I have expanded the friendships to emailing, g-chats, and Skyping. I’d actually go out with them if they didn’t live so many time zones away. For some reason I am distrustful of online dating even though logically I know people can make up stuff about themselves, just as they can online. If I were going to chose a new way to date, I would probably try It’s Just Lunch. It’s seems like a nice laid-back, quick way to know if you want to get to know this person better. If not, It’s just lunch. Or coffee.

    • Never heard of Its Just Lunch, thanks for the tip. It’s good to find out some of the other sites, to try something new, because there are 1500(!!!) dating sites in the US.

      • Aimee says:

        It’s Just Lunch. How about: it’s-just-long-enough-for-me-to-figure-out-if I’m-remotely-attracted-to-you-I’m-a-very-busy/important-person-you-know. ;)

  • I think knowing what you are looking for is the key to success. I have two members of my family that have found their spouses through farmersonly.com. They are still together and going strong. I also have one family memeber who found their spouse from another more generic dating site. At this point, Americans have been exposed to these sites for years and we have heard countless success stories. I live in Turkey now, and these sites are just now emerging. In Turkey the aim at this point is practicing Muslims finding other practicing Muslims, but it will soon gain a wider scope, I’m sure. Love has no rules.

  • darcydates says:

    Love this. Great great article!

  • borntobfree says:

    I have always found it easy to have a conversation online than in real.Maybe because you aren’t face to face.But love through the “virtual world” seems a little far fetched.I is so easy to lie and lay than be honest and love.Interesting statistics though!!!

  • I don’t think its the vehicle for dating that makes it positively a hit, it’s the person’s approach and strategy based on where they are with themselves. My two cents!

  • There’s one crucial factor that none of these dating sites, nor the face-to-face process, can account for: honesty. Even with the long strenuous process that eHarmony puts you through to develop a profile, if the person filling it out doesn’t have a sound grasp on who they are or what they truly want, its all still hit or miss. I’ve dated three guys I met online, face-to-face. One relationship ended at the first date due to lack of physical attraction. One relationship ruined my life and fragile psyche. And the last and best is going 4+ years strong. <(— not from a dating site, but the virtual world Second Life.

    I still maintain that online dating is better, for me. I have a much easier time expressing myself through the written word than mumbled, blushing, face-to-face speech. By the time my soon-to-be hubby and I met in person, I didn't have to worry about fumbling for the right words because he already knew what I was trying to say.

  • I think the key to relationships is finding the time to invest in a person who you can pretty much trust and connect with, versus trolling about for someone with luscious looks, an unstoppable libido, or tons of cash or any fill-in-the-blank desirable trait. Having never been anything to look at, and lacking any substantial financial resources, I’ve generally settled for “male, vertical and breathing.” It’s hard to go fishing when you lack the appropriate bait. I could probably make myself look more attractive online, but the reality is face to face I’m frumpy, plain, and proportioned like a mutant troll. Might as well be up front about details like those.

    I’m quite a bit older than you (43) and at this point in my life should (heaven forbid) anything happen to my esteemed (high maintenance, whiny, beer-swilling) spouse, I certainly won’t be looking for a replacement. I’ll finally be able to get the damned cigarette smell out of my car- that he insists on smoking in- even though I have told him not to until I’m blue in the face. I have my interests, my dogs and plenty of things to keep me busy without seeking out another forty-or-fifty something aged mamma’s boy toddler to take care of.

    Maybe I’m cynical, but I don’t believe in romantic love. There are people I can enjoy conversation with and who I generally don’t want to strangle on sight, but as far as all that starry-eyed fluff, it’s all an illusion in the end. True love does not exist, at least not for me. There’s nothing romantic about scraping dirty whitey-tighties off the floor, or gathering up all the scattered beer cans in the morning.

    On the plus side, when you live alone, there’s nobody to leave strange curlies in the soap. :)

  • Girl vs Zombies says:

    Great article, it was really informative!

  • I’m currently on OK Cupid. This is the second time I’ve been on there. The first time I had one date and turned out that I wasn’t her type. I did meet two other women on there. One became an email friend and the other is a school buddy.

    My problem with Cupid is the percentages. I have high match percentages with women who I would not be interested in.

    I do write someone if I feel there is a connection but I don’t get a response. I don’t get any inquiries from women who do visit my profile.

    I’ve tried Plenty of Fish and Date Hookup, two other free sites, without success. Some women are on all three sites. Sometimes I fell I’m wasting time on online dating sites.

  • Great post! Very well written and informative! And I agree, I tried online dating on OKCupid and gave up after a few weeks and a few disappointing dates. I will probably still try it again, but I’m not sure about it.

  • runnersdelight says:

    I think online dating works (from personal experience), but I also think it works one heck of a lot better if you invest yourself and your time into it, and go in with an open mind.

    It helps to present yourself in a way that attracts someone who you’d be interested in, and it helps to be open to dating people that aren’t “your norm” (basically you don’t judge books by their covers). Also, as a gal, I’ve had a lot of luck taking the first step and messaging guys first instead of sitting back and hoping they’ll find me. Finally, it helps to be honest and true to who you know yourself to be.

    I’ve gone on several “on-line dates” and had a few serious relationships develop from those. Even more so, I’ve met incredibly insightful people who have changed the way I see the world (which granted, is important to me) and with whom I remain in contact with.

    In the interest of full disclosure, I do run a business that involves helping people write online dating profiles and tend to follow my own advice when working with my clients. So I really want people have faith and succeed. :-)

  • joyfulwise says:

    Fun post! Online dating didn’t work for me. I tried several different sites, both paid and free, over a period of a couple years. Here’s why:

    I live in a rural area with a small population so online dating didn’t give me any more choices than I already had in my offline life, unless I wanted a long-distance relationship, which I didn’t.

    On sites with matching, my highest matches were usually men living in other states or in places across the country. I’d already been already joking that I’d have to smuggle my perfect match across Utah state lines, but that kinda confirmed it.

    Most of the guy’s profiles were so vague & generic (“I like to work hard and play hard!”) or just plain blank, that I couldn’t get to know anything about them before contacting them so it seemed kinda pointless.

    The one thing I did like: it was easy to screen via email before actually meeting anyone. Although I have had a couple times where I emailed with someone and then declined to go out with him and then ran into him at a later in regular life and he recognized me, ’cause, hey, small town. Which was kinda strange and awkward. I think online dating is probably better in bigger cities.

  • Krauser says:

    Meh, online dating is for women who aren’t hot enough to attract male attention in person and for men who are too pussy to initiate a conversation in person.

    There’s nothing online above a 7, and most of them have serious issues. If you want to get a girlfriend, learn daygame. Just learn how to initate conversations and build attraction with the girls you see walk past you in the street.

    • JC Finch says:

      That’s a really stupid thing to say. You clearly don’t have any mature views about dating.

      Online dating is one option among many. I met my spouse online, but not through an online dating site. I’m impartial to online dating sites, but I think it’s a lot better than going to a bar and meeting someone in my personal opinion. I think that’s in the same vein as meeting in a crack house, only much less exciting as police don’t tend to check in on bars as much as they check in on crack houses. But all joking aside, if it works for people, then they’re going to go that route.

  • Love your post!

    I met my current husband 2 years ago on match.com-we still laugh about it. I was widowed at age 29 and two years later I was urged by all my loved ones to get out there and start dating again. How frightening. I felt like I didn’t know how to do it, since I’d been married at 25 years old and for 4 years…I had no game at all. But I did want the dream of having a family. A friend of mine was on match and meeting guys (none that turned into a successful relationship) so she told me to try it out. I was on it for a week and I wasn’t taking it seriously, I just wanted to see what kind of single guys were out there. I got requests from various men that seemed like booty-calls and others that was just plain creepy. Out of the blue a guy emailed me, and no it didn’t interest me, but his profile said he was a graduate student at the university I worked at. So I said it was a definite NO. Well a few of my friends wanted to see the guys on my Match.com site and the funny thing was that they said he looked like a potential guy. It was just a fluke that he initiated a chat conversation with me that I indulged in…where I found he didn’t seem THAT creepy. The convo was short, I asked him if he had a facebook (so I could see if he had normal friends…or I’m not sure what)…and that was it. I ended Match and started chatting with him on Facebook. Apparently we may have crossed paths with each other more than once in the past 2 years at the university but I was so in my grief…I wasn’t looking at any guy. We met up after one week of chatting…and my co-worker met him briefly and said he came to the library floor we worked at…OFTEN. I was like…what? I don’t recognize him at all! lol…we got married July 2011 and now we’re having a baby. I will say this: I was only on Match.com for one week…I was real skeptical about it. He tried online dating for a year or longer before he met me and he was about to give up on it and he had tried many sites also. We think we were just lucky and bound to meet each other. We did find out though his cousin also met his wife on Match.com. I know a few other girls who’s met their husbands online so I guess it works for some people.

    Anyway, like I said, great post and good luck in the dating game!

  • sirr says:

    It may be that online dating has been cleaned up a little bit
    over the past few years due to the Robert Anthony vs. Yahoo!
    Personals class action suit, a suit which was filed October 12,
    2005. How much, is hard to tell.

    Anthony claimed that “…profiles posted for purposes other
    than dating appeared on the Yahoo! Personals website.
    Plaintiff brought suit on his own behalf and on behalf of all
    Yahoo! Personals paid subscribers in the United States since
    October 1, 2004.”

    I was a member of that class and mailed in the claim form the
    attorneys sent me indicating that my award would be limited to
    a one time payment of $35 if I accepted the terms of the suit,
    forfeiting all other rights for damages. Returning a completed
    claim form indicated that I had accepted the said terms of the
    suit.

    This was in December, 2007. About a year and a half ago, I did
    receive a $35 check as my settlement from the successful class
    action.

    One forum respondent said “…Seems to me that Yahoo personals
    contained bogus listings…” wOW, it was painfully obvious.

    During the time that I qualified as a “class member”, having a
    been a subscriber between October 1, 2004 and August 3, 2007,
    I remember that there were quite a few outrageously provocative
    profiles posted by great looking women at every city location
    that I visited. I knew that I was seeing shills for the business,
    but I dismissed those as being just that. I was too busy
    to pursue it like Anthony did, anyway. Quite a few had that
    hooker or pole dancer look and had a profile that could not
    have been considered an authentic creation by any sane female.

    Yahoo! Personals denied the claims of wrong doing asserted in
    the case, but it was easy to discern what was going on.

    Yahoo! Personals paid out a total of $4 million to settle the
    suit.

    Yahoo divested itself of that business and outsourced it to
    IAC’s Match.com.

    http://gawker.com/robert-anthony/

    http://plentyoffish.wordpress.com/2007/08/30/yahoo-class-action-lawsuit-settled/

  • Momma Margi says:

    LOVE this article!!

    Im a 24 year old single mom. I don’t get much time to go out to bars, social events, or singles meet ups to try to meet people. I tried eHarmony for a few months, met a few guys, dated one guy for a few weeks, and am still friends with him. I then tried Match.com. Same story, met a few guys, had some good dates, but I have now canceled my subscription to both sites. I did meet a guy on Match. He has met my son, who adores him, my parents approve, my best friend and siblings approve as well! Im not saying that I am definately going to end up marrying him, but that fact that we have enough in common to be compatible and yet we have our seperate likes and dislikes, really keeps the relationship interesting.

    I am a firm beleiver that online dating works :)
    You just have to be open to it and give it a try!
    I was fortunate that I was only apart of the online scene for 6 months. I got it out of my system for the time being. And in the future if I ever stumble across a need to date again.. I know that I can fall back onto good old Online Dating.

    • Thanks! Research also shows that single parents tend to ONLY date other single parents. There’s some commonality there, some shared experiences, I suppose. Though I’ve dated moms before (I am not a dad) and never had an issue with a girl having child. Thanks for reading!

  • I just wrote about this same thing last week! Research shows that 1/3 of everyone on dating sites are already in some form of a relationship too…kinda scary

  • Janet S says:

    I’ve had some experience, all positive, with dating sites in the past (I’m married now) but I’ve come to believe that internet dating brings out the worst in people…namely vanity and greed. People can say they want to meet someone with similar interests, but what they really end up doing online is using parameters to search for hotties or richies, or whatever. Whereas if you met someone in, say, a bar, you’d know whether you like them or not based on actual live personal chemistry, and you’re more likely to dismiss the (irrelevant) facts that they are less than perfectly handsome, or they are actually working *behind* the bar. Online dating actually encourages shallowness. For instance, ask any woman over 40 how much interest they receive online! None. The overwhelming majority of guys are searching for women “under 40″, regardless of their own age, because they CAN. But if one of these guys met one of my single, over-40 friends in a bar or workplace, they’d find her very charming and fun and would almost definitely ask her out. Frustrating. And makes me sad about the worship of insulation that the internet continues to bring us.

  • edrevets says:

    Unfortunately, they’re still flawed people online just like everywhere else. They’re probably the problem.

  • Lots of good nuggets to think on here!

    I’ve been on OkCupid, eHarmony and another site (forget it’s name), and I’d say for serious relationship material, still paying a premium for a site like eHarmony is the way to go. Dates? Up to a few? The free sites.

    I’m not sold on Internet dating. It works. Have friends that were married from meeting on eHarmony. But something doesn’t click, although, it’s changed drastically in just the last 5 years!

    http://tr4f.wordpress.com

  • yogaleigh says:

    So glad to see someone else who has doubts. I’ve joined on line dating sites off and on since the 90’s (mostly off and the length is a long story with long illness and LOTS of relationship phobia words…) and I never found it successful. The long questionnaire at Harmony doesn’t include answers for out of the mainstream people and not even a “none of the above” option so the ultimate profile is way off. I did eventually find that it gets better if you get subject specific. For instance, because of my interests I joined Greensingles.com and spiritsingles.com and if there had been anyone in my area who was on those it seems like it would have worked better because we all shared some core interests and I found more men who seemed pretty interesting. I checked out your interests and there are sites like movieloversdating.com and writerspassions.com Otherwise I found it tiresome. Most of the suggested matches seemed obviously off the mark, when I said I didn’t want to hear from anyone who lived more than 50 miles away I only heard from men hundreds of miles away… [Just a hint, hearing what someone says is usually a pretty key element of impressing them] The only relationships I had in the midst of the on line bouts were people I met through pursuing my interests… I know lots of people who swear by online dating but I do NOT get how they managed…

  • nationalatrophy says:

    Online dating does work (did work, for me at least, I married her and we’re both very happy).

  • kcislander says:

    I’ll confess that I have not read all 188 comments prior to my own… but I commend you for being honest about this process. I met my husband through a mutual friend almost nine years ago now, and I’m so grateful for that chance encounter. I think in general that the more you (or any single person) is able to be involved in activities and/or passions that are actually meaningful to who you are, the likelihood of attracting a person with a similar vibe increases. Sometimes that info is obvious online, but I tend to think that’s only something that can be felt in person. If I had been online dating, I highly doubt I would have ever matched with my husband based on our respective profiles.

    At any rate, thanks for being willing to share — obviously many of your readers can relate, and this is a real concern in this digital, “watch-me find-‘love’-on-the-bachelor” universe. Good luck in your quest for true love.

  • I have friends who have practiced and/or currently practicing online dating. Although I support them in their journey to find the “right one”, honestly, online dating is not something I would do. I suppose I am more of an “old school” type of girl that believes that if you meet someone for the first time and feel that chemistry/spark, then maybe that is a fairy tale in the making. In my opinion, looking at someone’s dating profile does not offer that chance to feel the presence of “magic” happening.

  • My friend tried online dating and the relationship was to emotional because its more words and words have a bigger affect on people then actions sadly. They fought all the time and she would flirt with people while he sat around being jealous because she thought it was okay. Plus then his family got involved and things got worse for him. I didn’t like how she was messing with his head and making him feel bad about himself. I’m really protective of my friends and I hate when people hurt them. :(

    • Yeah, it can be difficult to know who is good and who is bad when it comes to meeting a person from a profile. Certainly some people are just in it for mind games and I’ve dealt with my share.

  • Even if people aren’t online dating, they’re online dating. Today it’s so hard to not have a huge part of amore online–admit it, the second you meet a new hottie you either friend them on Facebook or creep on them. And if you didn’t–good for you, but did you know your significant other actually runs a blog about frog sex? If only you’d snooped…

  • wanderlust23 says:

    In my group of friends I’d have to say it’s about 70% success rate for those that have tried. Two couples have gotten married, and 2 (including myself) are in a long term relationship. One is dating a girl he met online but it isn’t long term, yet. I have another 2 friends who have dabbled but have declared that it doesn’t work or it isn’t for them. Basically those 2 haven’t made finding a relationship priority on or offline.

    As a commenter stated earlier dating online is just another way to meet people, like joining a class or any other activity. I found it no better and no worse. What matters is how you approach the situation. When I started online dating I also started meeting more people in every day life. I think my attitude was just more open to meeting new people. I also became a lot better at discerning what I wanted as I went on more dates. I have a lot of interesting stories of horrible dates or messages to hook up or just do other weird shit but weeding through that I’ve had two significant relationships. So I’d say it does work. Great post.

  • Sandra M. says:

    Well, I met my husband there – though it’s true that we were at first both not looking for anything serous, ’twas love!

  • airamlebasic says:

    Well it didn’t worked for me at all, I tried e=harmony, free weekends (yeap pulled a George Costanzas’ cheap spree there), The first time started just fine, we started exchanging e-mails and pics, later on phone calls. I was on vacation at the time so, I was able to deal with the time difference. Allegedly he lived in the Oregon, I live in Puerto Rico, so it was a tad bit of time difference there. Then he got a job offer in UK so he moved there. Then he got the job and moved to Lagos, Nigeria. Working with the bird flue (another big red, run for your life red light). He complained about the heat, and the facilities. He’d told me he was a veterinarian so, again, the benefit of the doubt.

    The first time we talked on the phone, it left me with this huge red light, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. His speech was slurred to the point that it freak me out. Then again the benefit of the doubt. We talked quite a few times exchanged couple of emails, then it happened. This one time I was up late, (2 am here in PR 7 am in Lagos Nigeria), I signed in, and there he was, Chris Michaels. He was “desperate” he told me he was robbed. Someone stole $5,000. Someone stole his wallet, he was “desperate” and asked if i could help him sending him $600. Well there it was that big red light. He asked if I could contact one of his friends in Texas, after trying to contact that person whose phone line was always busy. And telling him, I couldn’t help him, he disappeared. I only lost time, and 10 bucks i spent for the calling card.

    Well I tried again, this time I met the guy here in Puerto Rico, same thing exchanged emails, and phone numbers. It turned out he was from South America, and a very nice guy, I could talk for hours. Guess what? That was all it was, we met once, talk on the phone a few times and he disappeared also. I have to say I wasn’t attracted to him, but he was someone you could have a nice and pleasant chat.

    Then I decided to pay for e-harmony. Before I paid for the service I received like 4 notifications every week of matches waiting for me to meet then. After I paid nothing, I wrote, I ask if I was doing something wrong, but nothing, $120, no match and still single.

    So I just gave up on online dating…

    • Christopher says:

      So what you’re saying is that you ran into some of those infamous scammers that hang out on dating sites? So many people have lost so much money to them, I’ve seen so many newspaper articles about it. I hope you reported them?

      It’s basically the same as those “Nigerian Scams” we all receive via email (mine usually get caught by my spam filter)

      People should never send money to people they meet online.

      • airamlebasic says:

        Thank God, I only lost time, I reported him, he deleted his profile, but since we communicated outside the site there wasn’t much they could do, thank God I’m not that dumb, and never gave him any personal info.

  • When I was 15, I got bored and went on a chat site called teenchat.com.
    Met a guy on there and just talked with him for a while.
    And whadda you know! We dated for a few years, and now we’re married.
    Although it wasn’t specifically a dating site, we did meet online.

    Greatest thing that ever happened to me.

    Just saying.

  • Reblogged this on Fletch My Life and commented:
    Funnily enough I was going to do a Blog post on this but if I did I’d just end up echoing all that was said here.

  • chr2001 says:

    Reblogged this on christian maglia.

  • Woman Woes says:

    Reblogged this on Woman Woes.

  • CELoveTalk says:

    I’ve tried online dating on and off for a while. I never really had much success. So I decided to look for love the old fashion way…either way I’m still single hahahaha.

  • Tazz says:

    I met my fiance on an online dating site. We chatted for ten months before he flew in to meet me. Five years on, we are still together and getting married in July! So yea, i do think online dating works but you got to be ready to put in a lot of work into it, esp if it’s also a lobg distance relationship (12000 miles apart for us!)

    But i also must say i did have to meet a few weirdos before i met my fiance, so i guess you got to be ready to sift through them all to get to the good one!

  • Lisa says:

    Nice blog. I tried online dating three times in the early days. First time I spent too much time in the “virtual” world rather than actually going out. It meant that I revealed too much online or even on phone (when we got to that point) before we even met. After a year (if that long), I took a break. A few years later did the same thing with the same mistakes. Dropped off after several months. Two years passed and then I had a cold and in a Nyquil fog I joined again but with the resolve to just keep it light and “let him find me.” (I’m convinced that it’s important to still let the man do the chasing. Sorry everyone, but it’s kinda true still today.)

    Five weeks later he found me and I kept everything light. We never revealed too much to each other (meaning we didn’t get into all our baggage too fast) and I flew from the US to Scotland to meet him only after a month after we met online. We continued our rendezvous for over two years and finally married. He’s Canadian and I’m a US citizen. I’m convinced my lessons in keeping everything light and not too serious worked. But in this age of telling everyone everything, it’s not a good idea. Our hearts and minds haven’t caught up with the age of put-everything-out there.

  • I’ve tried just about every online dating site out there. I started in late 2007 after a brutal divorce that left me shredded emotionally and, well, significantly beyond that “over 40″ marker. I quit using online dating forever in 2010. I had profiles up off and on during that time, but not the whole time. That being said, online dating both worked and didn’t work for me. I’m attractive enough, personable enough and honest enough that I never lacked for dates. I did, however, run into all the same scenarios and fails you named. Until the last guy I dated. He was unemployed, still working through his divorce aftermath, brilliant and caring (your basic nice guy with way too much baggage still unpacked). I’ve been dating him for a year and a half now and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever experienced. However, if something ever happens and we go our separate ways, I will not return to online dating. Even though I met many very interesting people, the entire process exhausted me and stressed me out. I just think I have other things I’m more interested in these days and I’ve sufficiently worked through the “old, single spinster” stigma for myself.

    Your writing is entertaining and interesting. I’m glad you were Freshly Pressed. That’s how I found you. Glad I did.

  • Jackie says:

    I met my husband on OKCupid. But prior to talking with him or meeting him, I did have to wade through a bunch of other people. Over about a year and a half: I talked with one guy for a few months (turned out he was in love with someone else and finally admitted it); talked with another guy for about a month then met and went on one date (he lied and said he had to leave town after the first date); talked extensively with another guy (not local) who when I finally did meet him, he didn’t even bother to wash his hair, put on a nice shirt, or deodorant. My husb lived just down the road, and we had an 85% match. We talked for one day then met. You cannot – CANNOT – talk to people online for too long before meeting them. Its a waste of your time. Anyway, YES, I believe you can find love online. I have. We’ve been together for 4 years now.

  • Marty Hermes says:

    Do you realize how much more difficult it is to find “quality fish in the sea” the more mature you become? Baby Boomers are in abundance and more often than not, single and have tried almost all the ideas you wrote about to meet someone for companionship, laughter, quality time and sex….Hmmmmm guess it’s the same for all of us isn’t it? And as for my experiences with online dating….well…that’s an entirely different matter & better left for another time.

    Great post….love your incite, research and thoughts….keep blogging!

  • moodybluebird says:

    A friend of mine used to go on dating sites (before she met her fiance) and I remember her telling me some of her funny stories. Meeting up a guy for the first time and finding the he was much shorter than mentioned on his profile and another one she said looked way better in his photo.

    My Mum & Dad met on a good old fashioned blind date. Dad told me that he told the person that set them up that if he didn’t like the look of her then the date was off. Luckily he did and they were together for 50 years.

  • obviousleah says:

    I have to say, you beat me to the punch! I did online dating a few years ago after my work friends begged me to do it after a hard break up. It was actually a negative experience. Being vulnerable after a break up and then meeting tons of guys that never seemed to work out…Leaving me thinking “wtf is wrong with me?” But looking back, guys said things like “I am apart of 3 different sites” and “My ex-fiance was someone I met online” and “Don’t give up on online dating, you’ll find who you’re compatible with” What the fuck?! Since when was our lives solely based on finding our life partner? However, I had some amazingly awesome stories that left all of my friends rolling on the floor from laughter. I actually signed up two more times for pure entertainment! It was like a morning talk show at work every morning after a date. I just started writing a blog and have been thinking about joining an online website again and then blogging about it. Maybe you’ve just inspired me. Or maybe you’ve reminded me of why I haven’t joined yet!

  • carlae says:

    Huh, perhaps I am in the minority, I answered his ad and met my husband online and we just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. Yeah, who knew that internet dating was even that old.
    This was way back when the place to go was “love@AOL”. You had to have an AOL account to participate and it was free. In fact when I had my AOL add posted I initially got over 700 responses, a bit overwhelming to say the least. But I figured if they could form a thought, which comprised a sentence resulting in a paragraph I would use that as my initial filter…it was fun for a while and then got tedious when I started cancelling more first dates than I went on.
    With all of that said, I’m really glad I’m not in the dating scene anymore.

  • Laura says:

    I had similar trials and tribulations while I was on online dating sites. Just like you, I started on Match.com and ended up being on there for a couple of years. Many months I didn’t even log in, just never would remember to cancel that evil thing.

    In addition to Match.com I joined OkCupid to supplement my Match.com dates, which were not even quality dates half of the time. Even being a girl I have been duped by the “My Space” posed pictures tricking us into thinking someone is better looking than they actually are. Neither one yielded any real relationship results.

    Finally I took a couple of hours (yes, it probably was more like three) and joined eHarmony. The process to join and communicate with members takes forever but it was different. As very expensive at the time, but still different. If someone else is jumping through so many hoops to find a mate does that say something about one’s character? Maybe it does, but it did pay off for me. I only ended up dating three men out of hundreds of matches but I found a good one.

  • ekr1984 says:

    I met my fiance through an online dating site and wouldn’t hesitate to tell others to do the same thing. As long as a person uses common sense and talks to a person for a week or two before going out on a first date it can be perfectly safe and a fun experience. It’s not for everyone. And if you can’t use the common sense not to meet someone that gives you the creeps in a dark alley at 2 in the morning then you probably won’t want to try it. Or anything else for that matter.

  • Online profiles so often reek of desperation. It’s odd, but when both my wife and I had given up on them and just dating in general, we found each other. Don’t tell anyone, it was on MySpace….shhh.

  • mytorontoeh says:

    My prediction is that you will get married to one of these dates. She will fit 72% of your criteria and you will be 65% happy. She will have a wonk eye and her thigh to calf ratio is wrong. You will hate the way she pronounces certain words but you like her hair. She will bear two of your children. When you hit 40 (she will be 38, your criteria is that she is at least 2 years younger), you will look at each other with disdain. She will join a new gym and lose all the baby weight. You have already started fantasizing about a co-worker, the girl at the front desk with the pierced chin. She barely notices you but when she does, she smiles crookedly, and you are hooked. Your children are going to school full-time. Your wife starts having an affair with the spinning instructor. You suspect it because she shaves her legs every Tuesday. You don’t say anything because you really don’t care and you go on-line and start a profile on Ashely Madison Dot Com.
    You are 43 years old.
    It’s the end of romance as you know it.

  • scintillatebrightly says:

    Great post. I’ve now tried on line dating in three countries and I must say my experience has been very different in each one. I still miss the on line dating in the US the most because for me it offered the highest number of men with the types of attitudes I was interested in.
    I’ve met a lot of losers, some down right creeps, one psycho ex-boyfriend, but also had one of the better relationships in my life from on line dating (pof). There are a lot of genuine sincere people out there, you just have to separate the wheat from the chaff.

    Its best to approach with no expectations at all. Its a tool to meet other people and that’s all.

  • annonymousss says:

    Despite the fact that your story was incredibly encouraging and courageous of you to put all of the facts of online dating aside from contrary belief, saying basically you’re opposed to it. You go!

  • Mitchell says:

    I don’t see it in any way romantic and I do think it is for people who are approaching desperation.

    If someone is looking for a soul mate I think that should be spontaneous and organic. It should just happen. Dating sites are not organic.

    I think true love is found in the place you weren’t necessarily looking.

  • glambomb says:

    I want to see an online sex tree of okcupid users, or maybe Plenty of Fish users. Hah.

  • teacher says:

    Has anyone experienced better luck (not fuck) with speed dating?

  • misspinkles says:

    Thanks for the great read!

  • lexielollipop says:

    Interesting post. In my opinion though, a person online isn’t the same person with the person that he/she is offline.

    I do believe that dating websites and social networking sites do help strengthen relationships but I don’t believe that the internet should be where a relationship starts.

    I’ve seen a lot of relationships going on through text messages, chats online and etc. I’ve tried getting to know a person better through text too but during that period of my life, I realized how stupid it actually works. People who text and chat all the time rarely talk in person. It just makes everything that’s real turn virtual.

    Being real. That’s how I believe people should live their lives because we’re living in a real world and we, ourselves, are real.

  • Gilraen says:

    Success story of internet love. Though we did not meet through a dating site we met before this became popular. Anyway We’ve been together 5 years, married three and still blissfully happy.

    It will work for some, but not for all. Just as picking up people in a bar, meeting people at sports or work will work for some, not for all. But none of the options (including online) will work if you only looking for love/relationship etc. and put your life on hold to find it.

  • monkiss says:

    Reblogged this on monkiss and commented:
    Take what you want from this, but for me however- online dating is why I married my soulmate. I was honest about what I looked like and who I was…if humans didn’t spend every waking moment lying our faces off to make ourselves look like something we’re not, we might improve our chances of making meaningful connections. But you decide and let me know what you think!

  • Connie T says:

    I met my husband through the ad in the newspaper. That was before online dating places. I placed the ad, he called, we met, dated and later married.

  • oegukeen says:

    I found a wonderful man online, but I have never used online dating site. I can’t imagine going on a date with someone I wasn’t in love with. I make friends online, and if it grows into something more, great :)

    That way, I’m in a relationship with a man from Korea even though I’m from Europe. Without internet, that would never be possible and I would have never met the love of my life.

  • thorn93 says:

    I thought this article was very informative and very well written. Keep up the good work!

  • I did meet up some people from an onlien dating site but I did so with a group. I just felt safer that way. Out of the three couples, one of us hit it off and had a second date.

    I do also know of at least one couple who met online and got married so you can definitely find true love online.

  • 4herneeds says:

    For me on line dating is next level of on line chatting , however face to face interaction can not be replaced by anything else .When you communicate on line there is a chance of people faking themselves or pretend to be what they are not ….

  • I have used online dating (it was what made me start blogging a few months ago in fact, an outlet to write about the dates etc) but despite having been on quite a hefty amount of dates there has only been one guy that I actually dated for a while. To be honest, I think that it depends largely on how old you are. I am 21 and I think that a lot of the guys in my age range (20-30) aren’t looking for “anything serious” so I reckon that they are just using these sites for sex and often the ones that aren’t are the ones that I don’t seem to be attracted to. My dad however got divorced at 46 and joined Match.com and met his current girlfriend who he has now been with for almost 3 years, (she is 43). I reckon people in their 20s are expected to find their mate at a party or in a club so a lot of people don’t use online dating, or if they do just see it as another way to have sex. Whereas if you think about it, a working middle-aged person…there aren’t many places that they can really “pick someone up” so I think that it is possible that online dating is more likely to work for them, as they are more likely to be seeking the same outcome from it.

  • ocalundan says:

    Too long.. tired reading…

  • Raul Constantinos says:

    My primary issue with online dating is that I cannot refrain from discriminating against type face. It’s stupid, it’s irrational, it’s not a trait that comes up often in a relationship BUT if you use a bad font, I’m going to judge you.

  • James says:

    Hi Kenneth,

    I’ve got to tell you something about this quote:

    “Online Dating was the way to go because at this point we spend the majority of our time online, or on our phones, and we simply don’t have the time to ‘meet people in real life’ like we used to.”

    This is one of the saddest things I’ve read in a while, but it’s particularly poignant because it sort of gets to the nut of what’s really going on in our society and why we can have 8 billion people packed like sardines onto the surface of the planet and yet remain strangers with the vast majority of them—including next-door neighbors and the people we call “friends” (particularly those on Facebook).

    I’m older than you, but not a lot older than you. I met my wonderful wife after going through the former-traditional-dating-method of trial and error. This “old school” method forced me to go out and actively try and meet people. I met some great ones, and had many, many, many great fucks. Regardless of some lengthy romances and affairs, none were “love” material. I’m happy to say that I found my wife, we clicked, love happened and we’ve been together now going on a decade and a half.

    I guess my point here is that it just seems really, really weird and sad that people resort to dating online. A while back I went to an online dating site and made a few fake profiles as a “sociological experiment.” I was amazed at how many people my fictitious character clicked with. Online I could be whoever I wanted, and I’m sure there are lots of people out there being whomever they want to be—including predators, misfits, horrendously ugly people, misfits, misogynists and a whole host of people who have so much to hide about their lives that they’re not comfortable showing people who they are at first in person.

    Online dating allows people to develop a fictitious “back story” that a person can use to help convince their targets to overlook any real flaws they might notice when dating. When red flags go up in person, it’s easy for an unscrupulous person to explain away another’s misgivings by reminding them of, “you remember how much we chatted about liking puppies and flower gardens, don’t you? Don’t worry about what I’m saying here now, I’m just a little awkward in person and this wine has made my tongue a little bit tied….”

    People trade phone time for reality for this?

    I pity your generation, Kenneth, and the generations to follow if humanity doesn’t start wising up and realizing that the virtual world is fiction, and there’s much better stuff to be seen and had and felt in the real world, even though not every aspect of it is perfect.

    Keep on writing.

    Best regards,

    –James

  • Alex says:

    I’m pretty sceptical of online dating. But then I’m pretty sceptical of actively looking for a boy/girlfriend in the first place – the notion of evaluating people based on “might I get married to this person in the future?” is pretty alien to me.

    I met my fiancé online and I met my ex-boyfriend online, both through sharing interests/fandoms. In neither case was I in any way on the lookout; I got to know them and I grew fond of them.

    I’m slightly less hostile to the idea of using a “dating site” to try and find friends, but even there I suspect a lot of “hey will you sleep with me?” would come up. Maybe my problem is lack of faith in humanity.

  • By the amount of comments on this post I’d say you, Sir, hit a nerve! Does it work? Only if you wish to (1) date a married man; (2) send and receive a ton of emails (3) are willing to engage in his sexual fantasies while hearing deep breathing on the other end! And other things I was not prepared for nor did I sign up for. So, the one word answer to your question is; NO,

  • Reblogged this on TheSexySpouse and commented:
    How many sexy spouses met online? Check out this interesting article.

  • Interesting Statistics. Completely loved lowered expectations. I usually sing theme song at opportune moments.

  • jertzylan says:

    I don’t know anyone personally who has gotten married as a result of online dating, but I know plenty of people who swear they’re getting laid as a result of Okcupid. I don’t know if I believe them. I don’t know if I want to believe them.

  • hottabb says:

    true, I always wonder if it really works…well my opinions are kinda based off of commercials, haha ;D

  • Kitten says:

    So…am I abnormal if I prefer guys closer to my height than guys a foot taller than me? Because I’d prefer a guy who’s 5’6″ than one who’s 6’5″.

  • Just because I said on my dating profile I would consider dating older women doesn’t mean I wanted the online dating service to tap into my mom’s Hotmail account and match me with all of her church friends. Awkward.

    Congrats on being Freshly Matched….oops, I mean Freshly Pressed.

    Mr. Bricks

  • Candice says:

    You get out of online dating what you put into it. Be honest, look for red flags, follow your instincts and have fun. In today’s extremely busy world, it’s sometimes difficult to meet individuals on a daily basis. The world is a fast paced place and it (online dating) is a wonderful tool for those with busy schedules looking for the like minded. Years ago, I met a wonderful man that I fell passionately in love with in this way. We lasted for over eight years. Since then, I have dated quite a few from online and would say the results were 50/50. Remember, whether in person or online, you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince (princess).

  • logatfer says:

    wow! Really deep analysis! Thanks for it! :)

  • Hey I’m Single, Maybe I Should Consider This….Opp’s Already Have! But On The Real I don’t think there should be any fear in using these kind of services so long as you are a good judge of character and are willing to get to know someone before you go flying out to meet them like Some Kind Of Overly Eager Crazy Person (Like Me). Just Know That If You Happen To Be Kind And Sweet Then There Is Bound To Be Another Person just Like You On there Looking For The Same Things. I Mean This Is The Internet Right, Full Of Millions And Millions Of Egomaniacs (Like Me) Who Just Want To Be Loved -,o

    http://wp.me/2aAA8

  • @Karen_Fu says:

    v interesting topic. First off, you have no real world experience of whom you are seeing is real. Unless you have been in formal settings before. Actually online interaction itself is not totally uncredible. It’s just like meeting up with someone at the right place or not. It’s the same idea just that its in a different ‘medium’. With people spending more time in technology, work and all the crap in real life. Waling and seeing more online before the PC/MAC appears to be another route everywhere in the world as urban life is concerned. Made a lot of friends online and some precious acquaintainces so far. As for the other half, I think that has a lot to do with chemistry and fate. It has little or even nothing to do with online or offline interactions. Hope I have expressed well.

  • @Karen_Fu says:

    Please delete the earier comment. I have made my usual typos again!

    Please use this one instead:

    v interesting topic. First off, we have no real world experience of whom we are seeing is real. Unless we have been in formal settings before. Actually online interaction itself is not totally uncredible. It’s just like meeting up with someone at the right place or not. It’s the same idea, just that its in a different ‘medium’. With people spending more time in technology, work and all the crap in real life; interacting with other people online before the PC/MAC appears to be another route everywhere in the world as far as urban life is concerned. Personally I have made a lot of friends online and some precious acquaintainces so far. As for the other half, I think that has a lot to do with chemistry and fate. It has little or even nothing to do with online or offline interactions. Hope I have expressed well.

  • sylwilson says:

    Funny – there are 147 people who work at my job and 5 of them that are married met their spouse on a website! I thought it was weird but I guess things they are a changin! Nice article – good writing style and congrats on making wordpress freshly pressed page!

  • I ran a speed dating company for several years, and I met Now Husband on match.com. There is no one way that works for everyone. That said, there are ways to make both types of activities more successful. In the time I used online dating sites, I never had a negative experience. A lot of that was because I screened carefully, met for coffee only, and made the goal of each meeting to be “What is amazing about the person I am going to meet?” So I made it about them, not about me. I took responsibility for creating my own enjoyment, and I focused out, rather than sitting there wondering what the other person thought of me. For me, that was the key to having a positive experience.

  • accompanyingsarah says:

    I met my husband online. I was off and on eHarmony (expensive, yes, but they often had cheap deals, and free days, and I figured I might have better luck with people willing to shell out a little cash). I was never interested at all in just hooking up. It was frustrating sometimes, but meeting guys at my church was also frustrating sometimes, and I worked as a nanny and a piano teacher, so there were no co-workers to round things out.

    I think it’s definitely smart to set realistic expectations. Most of the dates I went on were only ok. By the time I met my husband, I had lowered my expectations from “maybe I’ll fall in love with one of these guys” to “maybe I’ll go on a second date someday.” But when I met my husband things really clicked. We found out we had gone to the same college (even having choir together), and were from the same area, and lived 10 miles apart, having some mutual acquaintances. You never know. I think regardless of the means by which you meet someone though, the best piece of advice I ever got was “don’t look for the right person…work on being the right person.” I like that. After all, we can only ever change ourselves:) Good luck in your search.

  • chaiwithsy says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Great job and insight. I think dating in general is pretty painful and online dating is just another forum to meet people. I’m a single mom, demanding job, and trying to go back to school for my MBA, while maintaining a healthy balanced lifestyle so ‘meeting’ people isn’t as easy as it seems. So although I’m not crazy about online dating, it has provided options that may not have existed otherwise. Great job!

  • natashatynan says:

    Really good to get a man on the topic!

    http://natashatynanfiction.wordpress.com/

    reblogged on my site, thanks!

  • natashatynan says:

    Reblogged this on Sugar & Titbits and commented:
    A view from the other side of the line! Great read!

  • Marcairn says:

    I actually met my boyfriend through online dating. It’s been eight months and we’re still going steady. Of course, that was after quite a few hits and misses. I got A LOT of messages from guys who simply wanted sex; some were a bit more honest about it than the others. I got so tired of it I wrote on my profile that they should bugger off if that was their only interest – though they should have taken the hint earlier – the profile clearly stated I was looking for a long-term relationship, not flirting that may become more (read: casual sex).

    I must admit I was one of those desperate ones. Twenty years old and I hadn’t had a single boyfriend IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. A few crushes, yes; one night stands, absolutely. Didn’t like anyone at the university that way (’twas a time when I was arrogant, prejudiced and rather introverted, too), no interests that would warrant entering a club of something kind to meet guys that way. Picking up a guy at a bar = one night stand. So I resorted to online dating and got lucky.

    After a few months hiding in a corner, shaking in horror at the depravity of men – and women, for that matter.

    I might not be as arrogant and introverted as before but online dating did certainly not cure me of my prejudices. Contrariwise, they were confirmed.

    If you look hard enough, you will find gems even on the internet. All you have to do is sort through the trash. It’s the same as IRL, you’re just hiding behind a computer screen. Guess that gives us a false sense of security and boldness.

  • Never went looking for love on the internet , but through good old myspace (may it rest in peace) I found my best friend :)

  • Nice to see the numbers. Now I don’t know what to do. I’m not in a situation where I easily meet people in real life, I don’t really drink, but I hate online profiles and checking the boxes. So I just watch and read about online dating . . . for now. Interesting info though. Really interesting.

  • tiffy4love says:

    This is a great analysis of the online dating trend. I think there was a point where we were all afraid of doing it. It was a habit that stayed hidden in the closet. Now, it’s like everyone has an OKCupid profile. But you’re right; it’s the same as finding someone in a bar or off the street. I think finding the right person could depend on approach and most definitely similarities. Good luck in your dating endeavors. We all deserve a little happiness in our lives and if online dating is the way to find it, by all means try it. Just be careful.

    I wrote something sort of similar to this in my own blog. Great post by the way. =) http://theheartbeatlife.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/the-missing-element/

  • the wife and I met on match.com in 2002…I’m a believer!

  • Pink Ninjabi says:

    Thanks for the post! One thing that I have found is that some individuals lack manners, and say things that really, would not be said in-person. For instance, I had a guy ask me, as a second question, where do I live, and when I gently declined answering that he told me, “You are a stupid bitch and deserve to be divorced.”

    Ouch.

    Needless to say, the risks for me seem higher than the rewards with royal douchebags like that. But it’s nice to know that there are great couples who can find love and long term marriage.

    Thanks for the post. :D

    Pink.

  • Love that picture- the old Saturday Night Live dating company skit image. I’ve not tried it, but gott say that I have one friend who met a man years ago on ICQ and was with him for years- had a couple of kids. A colleague of mine met her husband on Christian Mingle.

  • lejardindec says:

    Or might just join some social clubs and u might get to meet girls that share the same interest with you?
    But good luck,mate!A determined person like you deserves a great girl :)

  • cherryl says:

    I meet my soulmate through online dating 3 years ago and we are now married for 2 years. We love each other and always enjoy each others company.
    But I don’t really 100% recommend this to work for everyone. I’m only a few for who meet my soulmate online and alot of people right now use it for scamming. It would really depend how you handle the situation and on my end it took 3 years or more to find my husband. I join most popular online dating, some works some will not but doesn’t mean you give up. ;)

  • Anjie says:

    I met my monogamous, committed boyfriend on a dating website. I just ignored all the losers looking just to f*ck. It’s kind of like sifting through river mud in search of a gold nugget.

  • honjiunw says:

    Thanks for this post. I want to start internet dating too. But it’s not like I am going to give up finding for a girlfriend outside the internet. It’s just that internet dating will sort of catch a bigger net. I mean, like every effort helps right?

  • Being cynical is a good thing, keeps one sober minded. And I am right there with you on this post/issue. This sort of dating and meeting doesn’t work for those who are seriously seeking a healthy relationship. How easy it is to show a side of yourself to strangers, those who you think you will never meet; a side of yourself that others don’t see, similar to a double-life. From my past experiences, most of these people are lonely and/or sex mongers.

    Avery timely post!

  • Reblogged this on Social Media CDN and commented:
    Social Social BING

  • i really enjoyed reading your post! got me loling a few times too, you have a great writing style…
    i’m currently debating whether to use an online dating site… my pride kinda says no, my brain says “what have you got to lose”?
    thanks for sharing insights ;)
    x

  • The only thing these “services” have done is expose those desperate searchers to a “cattle call” of prospective candidates. In our fast-paced world where most people do not have time to go out looking for someone, the internet has brought the world to their door.

    I believe, through sheer volume, a person may find someone compatible and perhaps their “true-love-match” however, the person must kiss a number of toads before finding the right lips.

    Aleister Nacht

  • whyyyjen says:

    I think it’s fine to try online dating. We have to be careful though. It’s always better to know a person personally than just chatting with him or hearing his voice.

  • The Real Life Adventures of a College Student says:

    I have serious doubts about online dating as well. One of the rules I’ve always had for myself, whether I’m meeting the person at a bar, at a club, at school or at work, if I’m going to date them- I make sure at least one person I know, knows the person and can vouch for them. I feel like having at least one “mutual friend” adds some kind of security to the relationship and allows you to have some reference point as to their personality and morals. I think the problem with online dating may not be the “online” part of it, but the fear that comes, whether we think we are comfortable with someone we don’t know or not, I feel like we are still uncomfortable and as the relationship continues there are heightened senses that make us feel that the person is doing something wrong. I think that stems from the initial fear that starts when we have no clue what type of situation we’re getting into. Perhaps people subconsciously find more faults because from the first date we put up walls to protect ourselves. Whereas when we meet someone at a bar- at least the bar tender may be able to lend a character witness. Or if we meet someone at school, there is a level of trust associated with the person, because we assume they must be OK to be at our school or workplaces. I’ve found that ALL of my relationships last significantly longer when I know at least one person who can vouch for the other persons character.
    The fear of not knowing- is what I think is the root problem with online dating.

  • Wayne says:

    Kenneth,

    I am looking for a different kind of woman than you are looking for.

    So, online dating might be good for you.

    Wayne

  • ich0mp says:

    Reblogged this on Blue Books Life.

  • Foto Prom says:

    Thanks for this posts!!

  • soul83 says:

    Thankyou for your excellent article. It really contains a lot of insight into the online dating world. I’ve only used online dating once and the woman turned out to be a bit weird so it never progressed to meeting in person (thank god).

    I met my wife offline – on holidays to be exact. However, we used online communication methods to stay in touch after I returned home. The result was an 8 month daily communication schedule that lead me on the path of teaching abroad for a couple of years.

    So, I think that whilst online dating suits some people well, there are far more opportunities if you get out more.

    Would I have gone back to online dating if I hadn’t met my wife? Actually, there was a strong chance that I would have because I used to be a bit shy and socially awkward until I stepped outside my comfort zone. The internet can certainly facilitate meeting your partner. I have seen so many older men and women in their late 20’s using the services because presumably they are at that stage of life where they want to settle down and find the right person. If their profiles are believable, there are a lot of sensible, genuine (something I’ve always been skeptical about with online dating) people out there.

  • Don says:

    Online dating offers many benefits including being able to find matches in niche areas and more easily connect with them. If you like tall women or tattoo men there is a website for you. Sometimes depending on geography its not easy meeting people that share similar interests or fancy’s. Thanks for sharing.

  • Emily says:

    I’m 36 and have been single for 5 years now. I have had several 3 years relationships in the past (I met them through work & bars) I’ve been told I’m very pretty & have a great sense of humor. I believe in fate and mostly potter along getting on with my life, occasionally hoping I might meet someone. Then, every 6 months I get really low and focus on how alone I feel and how I am unloved by someone special (all my friends are married and have children) so I end up joining a dating site and going on 3-4 dates. I find it easy to chat to guys and dates come up easily. However I have had no luck in the relationship department. I either don’t find the guy attractive/we have nothing in common, or I do like him, and he isn’t into me, or I find that after a few dates he’s not a commitment kind of guy/ or find him still looking for girls online. Seems like they’re all either social retards or players on these sites. I’m hoping to find someone with good values who I fancy. That’s not too much to ask? And I’m not chasing all the ‘hot dudes’ either. Just average, kind faced looking guys, with shared interests. I think I have been on over 40 dates… Now I’m really understanding the whole ‘one in a million’ thing. Probably not gonna happen is it. Gulp. Good job I have an amazing dog! and of course, my mummy loves me very much ;-P

  • Emily says:

    I was thinkin..,perhaps this internet dating business is floored in terms of people treating it like a candy shop. People are reluctant to commit to anything straight away or give it the time a normal courtship needs to grow. People can’t resist going back online for more, just in case there is an even better option. We want the best we can get, It’s human nature isn’t it. We have these crazy fantasy expectations fed to us by modern media. Perhaps this is why it works better for older people, they are more realistic about what they want and what’s out there. I dunno, just a thought…

    • I like this term “candy shop” for internet dating.
      I definitely think relationships get better the older you get. When it happens, it happens, but relationships – like anything – get better with experience and practice. Thanks for reading, I hope you find what you are looking for!

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You are currently reading Online Dating Is Booming In Our Changing Society, But Does It Work? I Have My Doubts. at KENNETH AUTHOR.

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