OKCupid Fails: Denied/Rejected/Try Again Next Time

March 8, 2012 § 15 Comments

With the news that I was “Freshly Pressed” today because of my online dating article, I thought now would be a good time to go over some more fails.  Why?  BECAUSE IM A BLOGGER MASOCHIST, DUH!

I don’t know how many OkCupid dates I’ve been on now, but it’s easy to see that as a single person that currently has 0 girls that he can text tonight to see what they are doing and if they’d like to see a movie (how do you make a frowny face inside of parentheses? **FROWNY FACE**) I clearly have had no success in the online dating world.

Now, there’s a difference between saying “I have had no success” and “It’s been worthless” because it has been anything but worthless.  All of the dating fails I’ve accumulated over the last two years (Sadness Achievement Unlocked) have given me great perspective on dating in Los Angeles and dating in general.  If you don’t know me by now, then let me tell you a little bit about myself, because I don’t want you to never ever ever know me.

Oooooh, oooh, ooh, ooooh.

I grew up as a fat kid with zero confidence, but I was the class clown and that’s what got me through middle school, high school, and college.  I even remember my first crush, Kelly Sullypants (made up name to protect the innocent), from fourth grade.  I’ve been a romantic since I was just a young boy, watching The Wonder Years and The Sandlot and thinking “Come on versions of me, GET THE GIRL!”  But I couldn’t get over how I viewed myself, so I went a long time without dating.

After college, I lost 150 pounds and gained a whole new self-appreciation, self-worth, and what’s this here?  Self-esteem?!?!  Wow, go me!

I then immediately entered a two year relationship before ending it and moving to California.  That was three years ago and though I am 29-years-old, I have only really been on the dating scene in that amount of time.  I think that experience counts in everything, and that you’ll never get good at anything overnight.  Including dating.  There are things you have to know and hardships you have to go through.

Holy shit, I’ve been through some hardships!  But that’s okay, because I’m more ready to keep this dating this going now than I ever have before.  Here are one more of those hardships, and what I suppose I’ll learn from it.

“What? No Good?”

In the beginning of the 2012, I was ready to step away from OkCupid for awhile.  Nothing from there had been going well, so I’d let God decide what would happen next.  (Just like George Costanza, I only believe in God for the bad things.)  What he or she decided was that three different girls, all attractive and interesting, would message me that week.

What the fuck?

Why now?  And why all together?!?  God and OkCupid were trolling me, of course.

I went out with all three and they each had varying degrees of success.  There was the doctor, that I felt was doomed from the start because I am… well, I’m not a fucking surgeon like she was, I can tell you that much.  I mean, she was a HOT DOCTOR!  I wasn’t prepared for that, however I did feel quite proud that she ended up being interested in me for a few dates.  (I learned from this experience that you shouldn’t underestimate yourself in any relationship.)

Then there was the comic book nerd.  A very cute girl with pink hair, attitude, writing skills, and worked in a comic book shop.  Seriously?  A cute nerd that actually IS a nerd?  Not like all of those girls out there that say “I’m such a nerd!  Let’s watch Vampire Diaries!”  But a real, honest-to-God, I know everything about The X-Men and Magic: The Gathering NERD that wasn’t bad to look at.

She lasted two dates, with our second encounter ending in a makeout session that seemed to point to “all signs are a go!” except that I never heard from her again.  (Note to self: Work on being better at making out, I guess.)

The third girl was a no-nonsense New Yorkah that also had a very interesting job, as a casting director.  Her only concern with me was that I wasn’t an actor (check) and that I didn’t have a problem with the fact that she was 35.  Ummm.. double-check.  I really don’t have much of an “age barrier” although I know where to draw the line.  I have found that most of the girls that I have ever dated and had a real connection with were older than me.  Which is weird since I blog about some really immature shit and I still like to watch shows in the tween demographic.  But on the bright side, I’m a writer and I’ve got a passion for it… having a determination, a passion, and drive will be a lot more attractive to a girl than just trying to make it to the end of the week.

I’m bleeding sweat and sweating blood, writing over 20 times per week on various sites, slowly building up a paycheck, and that shows in my conversations with people when I talk about writing.  So older women seem to appreciate that more than younger ones.

I go out with New York and we have a fine time, but there’s nothing serious.  No real connection, just a fun time laughing and watching bad karaoke.  Okay, no harm.  I always like to have a good time, even if it doesn’t lead to anything more.

A couple of weeks later we end up texting and decide to go out again.  Sure, what the hell.  She tells me that she can beat me in Scene It? which is absolutely preposterous because I dominate movie trivia.  Dah-Mee-N8!  We go out for a drink and some food near her place, and all signs point to “This is a date! This is a date!” and all the signals are there.  They are!  Trust me!

We go back to her place to play Scene It! and beyond all odds, she beats me.  You know what, I was distracted.  I’m playing the game, but at the same time I’m thinking about this couch that we are sharing and that are legs are touching while her dog is staring me in the face and getting drool on my lap.  I’m thinking “Okay, we’ve had a little bit to drink, she still invited me back to her place, flirting the whole time and now we’re here.  When do I go in?”

After she beats me, we sit for a bit more and I decide “Fuck it, I’m going for it” and move in for the kill.  This is actually a big deal for me…

You see, like I said before, my life experiences up to this point had left me mostly shy for my 29 years.  I have no problem getting up in front of people (see my win at Karaoke for an iPad!) and I’ve been a class clown since before they were called class clowns, but with girls I tend to freeze up.  Or at least, I USED to.  The experiences that I’ve had in Los Angeles have finally allowed me to get over it and to realize I was being stupid.  I severely regret not making move over making a move at the wrong time.  Except that I had never made a move at the wrong time before this….

I go in for the kiss and she pulls back.  “What?  No good?” I say.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression.”

You’d think that by now you would know when you were giving signals and when you were not.  I’ve never in my life been invited into a girls home on a date and found that she had no interest at all in being anything more than friends.  She tells me that she’s too old for me and I can’t help but ask why she went out with me in the first place.  I mean, WE MET ONLINE.  ALL MY INFO IS THERE.  Seriously?  Too old?

“You’re a young 29.”

Ouch.  Just hand me back my heart and I’ll be leaving.  I can honestly say that I couldn’t even watch two people kiss on TV for a week.  It made me cringe. Every thought of that moment when she pulled back made me nearly induce vomiting.  It was just… the worst.

For a guy to come as far as I had in getting over my inhibitions on making the first move, it was like 30 steps backwards.  Except that I got over it.  It really didn’t take that long to get over it and when I did I came to the realization that I should be even less worried about making a move.  Despite the fact that far fewer guys have experienced this phenomenon than I thought (none of my friends, apparently) and that I was embarrassed as shit, I learned a thing or two from it.

One of which being that I’m not always going to read a situation correctly.  Perhaps I had been reading her wrong the entire night.  It’s like watching a movie from two perspectives and realizing that not everything is what it seems.  If she never intended it to be a date, then the rejection was no surprise at all.  She also thought that I thought that it was not a date, and wasn’t worried about inviting me over to her place, etc.  Even though… I’m not looking for girl friends on OkCupid, I’m looking for a girlfriend.  Singular.  One word.

Not one of my highlights on the dating scene but one that I won’t forget.  And one that will teach me a lesson.  Perhaps she just denied me on the kiss because I couldn’t beat her in Scene It! in which case, I TOTALLY understand that.

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§ 15 Responses to OKCupid Fails: Denied/Rejected/Try Again Next Time

  • May says:

    That lady sounds like a tease. Who invites over JUST one other person for JUST board games. Especially when you met over OkCupid where it is clearly stated what you’re both there for.

    But to be fair, I invited a guy over one night to watch a movie because I wanted company. He thought it was company for something else. When I asked my girlfriends for input, they all gave me sly looks and asked whether I really did just want to watch a movie. …bitches.

    Just kidding, I really didn’t think it through and I did send the wrong signals (movie late at night at myyyy place). But I didn’t suggest it after meeting on a website for romance and going on a date!

  • you are not alone. [the way i was thinking that in my head sounded something like an alien- weird/creepy, i know] anyways, i scrolled through my phone, to see if i had AT LEAST ONE contender to text here in the LA region, annndd i dont. hence my opening line. either way, we must not give up on love!

  • I love how you instill humor in this. :)

    But anyway, maybe she want to stay as friends.. but then again, who would have known yes? Don’t give up, you!

  • goodluckcharmsthatwork says:

    Awesome Blog, Outstanding Writing!

    Online Dating…sucks!

    Keep up the Great Blogging, and Congratulations on the “Freshly Pressed!”

  • wanderlust23 says:

    Just wondering if you listen to the Savage Love podcast by Dan Savage? It’s brilliant and highly recommended.

  • scintillatebrightly says:

    You’re probably going to meet someone that you fall in love with through this blog.
    I just betcha :D

  • stellaface says:

    Hahaha. I enjoyed reading this a lot because I also have some interesting stories from my experience with OKCupid. Living abroad is hard enough, but dating is ridiculously harder! I think I will do a mini write up about my online dating fails (or lessons) as well. Keep up the good fight!

  • hipnaughtyk says:

    I can sympathize completely with this post. I’m utterly inept at the entire “dating” concept and have resigned to a life of selfish luxury, waiting for someone to show up that I absolutely positively can not live without. This isn’t going well.

    As for the various suitors I’ve encountered thus far, there seems to be a pretty clear trend. If I’m interested, they suddenly aren’t. If I’m not the least bit interested, they fall in love with me and there is no getting rid of them. We’re talking anywhere from puppy-kid love to teenage girls and Edward Cullen on the obsession scale.

    It’s a terribly cruel game where the winner loses everything.

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