The Killing: 5 Reasons To Not Watch Season Two

March 23, 2012 § 12 Comments

Who Killed Rosie Larsen?

Who.  Really.  Gives.  A.  Shit.  Anymore?

Oh right, I do; Because I am a completest and I have been suckered into the show and finding out how it truly ends, I just hope that it only lasts two seasons.  Much like how Detective Sarah Linden should have never gone on that final call regarding Rosie, I should have never turned on that first episode of The Killing.  If you’ve never seen the show and if you’re thinking about catching up before the April 1st season premiere of the second season, let me give you some advice: Don’t.

It’s funny what AMC seems to get away with these days in terms of dramatic television.  Living off of the success of Mad Men and Breaking Bad (which are either the two best dramas on TV right now or the two best TV dramas of all-time) AMC has continued to churn out new dramas in the hopes that it can strike gold a third time.  In my opinion, it has yet to do that.

In the last year and a half, AMC has debuted three new series with great anticipation from the audience: The Walking Dead, The Killing, and Hell on Wheels.  AMC also debuted a show called Rubicon that was cancelled after one season and that I know nothing about, which tells you something else about how “Not everything on AMC is to be revered.”

For instance, The Walking Dead is incredibly popular, well-received, and is the “water cooler drama” of the moment, having just finished it’s second season after a long  mid-season intermission.  The season two finale was watched by nine million people, making it the most-watched basic cable drama telecast in history, which will assure that it stays on the air for awhile.  How good is it really though?  The Walking Dead has its moments but is incredibly flawed in story-telling, continuity, character development, and can go weeks without anything interesting happening.  Why do I watch?  Because I love zombies.  That’s basically it.  However, Dead has taken too long to get from point A to point B and the ultimate standoff between the protagonist and antagonist should have been established in season one.  Look at the epic-ness of shows like Justified and Breaking Bad and you’ll see what I mean.  I see what you’re trying to do Dead, so why not just do it already?

And this is still coming from a Walking Dead fan but are you going to make season three epic or are you going to drag this out for another two years?

Let’s be honest on level of epic-ness: Breaking Bad/Mad Men………………. BIG GAP…………………… The Walking Dead.  Can anyone really disagree with that?

The other show that came out during that time was Hell On Wheels.  The show had a lot of potential but I admit that I’ve still got the last four episodes on my DVR and they’ve been sitting there for months and I’ve never once heard anyone on Twitter or Facebook mention the show a single time.  It’s just sort of… there.  And it’ll be back for season two.

Back to the heart of this matter, now that I’ve given AMC the proper beat-down it needed on the other shows and talk about the really stupid show that was nominated for six Emmys.  The Killing will be back next Sunday and kick-off season two in the hopes that it gives you less answers than the first year.  There are a lot of reasons that you should not watch, but here are just five of them:

Bad Acting

Mireille Enos was actually nominated for Outstanding Lead Actress at the Emmys and Best Actress in a Drama at the Golden Globes (the more sensible Globes didn’t nominate The Killing in any other category) and I only have one question:  WHY?!

As Detective Sarah Linden, Enos plays a “take shit from nobody female cop that chews gum and shit and has hunches and is so much better than Detective Holder who is lazy and stupid and I’m the lead you got it cause as I said before I do not take shit from anyone did you think that just because I am a small woman that I am a pushover because you should know that I’m tough as nails and I don’t take shit from nobody.”

And the thing with The Killing is that there are very few good actors on the show so anyone that’s decent at acting should really stand out.  Those people are: Brent Sexton (Stan Larsen), Michelle Forbes (Mitch Larsen), and Eric Laden (Jamie Wright.)  I’ll give Joel Kinnamen credit because I had no clue that he was a full-blooded Swede, but that helps explain his stupid-sounding-thug accent.  Unless Enos turns out to actually be a 4-foot-tall black man in real life, I am not really sure where the “Best Actress” nominations came from but she is far from the worst actor on the show:

Bennet Ahmed

“I’m not a pedophile but I did marry Chrissy from Growing Pains”

Belko

“I’m naughty.  Momma says I been naughty.  Also, I was in Empire Records.”

Regi

“Hi.  I’m Regi.”

Councilman Darren Richmond (the WORST)

“Almost twenty years ago I was The Rocketeer.  Let’s just say my career didn’t ‘Skyrocket’ after that!”

Watch a show like Mad Men, they can sit around and talk about baseball for an hour and you’ll be entranced at the talent and method of the craft  of acting.  Watch The Killing for an hour and if they don’t produce a dead body you might as well pray for the same fate as Rosie.  It doesn’t help that the show is….

Really F’ing Cheesy

Well, I could make you watch any scene with Tom Drexler the investor

or we could just point out some of the best quotes of season one:

  • Holder: So good little dead girl was a bad little web girl.
  • Tom Drexler the Investor: People like me can do whatever the hell we want and do you know why? Because the Richmonds of the world will always clean up after us.
  • Holder: Yeah, you’re a real role model. You teach her how to shotgun a beer?
  • Tom Drexler: One shot and you get your five mil. Now you miss it, and you resign from the race. What do you say? Yes we can?
  • Darren Richmond: Adams wants to play dirty, he best like the taste of mud.
  • Mayor Adams: In no time at all, Darren’s come here and built himself a real rainbow coalition: blacks, fruits, whores, and drug addicts.
  • Linden: You don’t seem like the type that shares your toys
  • Linden: Cause you dress like Justin Bieber and eat pork rinds for dinner.
  • Linden: In situations like this, I like to ask myself: what would Jesus do? Holder: Don’t know. I’ll ask him.
The Killing takes every tv show cop cliche and says “Fuck yeah, let’s use that.  Let’s bury that cliche into the ground so deep that one day they’ll say “You’re stealing that from The Killing” because we’ll do it so hard that they’ll forget how it was done 1000 times before.”
Speaking of cliches, The Killing is set in Seattle and…

Disrespects My Home City, Seattle

Not because a young girl is murdered there, because young girls are murdered everywhere (and okay, Seattle has a certain reputation with serial killers) but by the obvious fact that everything the writers and producers of The Killing know about Seattle, they probably learned on TV and movies.

Fact: It actually doesn’t have torrential downpour every single minute of every single day.  It rains a lot in Seattle, relatively, but did you know that the sun actually does appear every day in Washington?  No joke!  We are part of the earth!  I know, crazy, right?

 

 

I live in Los Angeles now and down here we actually get much heavier rain than you’ll see in Seattle.  Sure, it rains about ten times less often, but the hard rain is in LA and the consistent rain is in Seattle… but it’s not THAT consistent.  We don’t need to walk around covered in tarps 24/7.  We do things during the day as well.  And the sun comes out.

“I’ll end up as security at the Space Needle” says Holder in one episode, in a way to note that “YES WE ARE INDEED IN SEATTLE.  I MADE A SPACE NEEDLE REFERENCE.”  I can honestly say that the only people who ever talk about or ask about the space needle are people that have never been to Seattle.  I expect in this season at some point Linden will say “Let’s go arrest the perp, but first let’s throw fish at Pike’s Place Market.”

Finally, and this has always bugged me…. WE DON’T HAVE A DEL TACO IN SEATTLE SO WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT IDEA HOLDER?

I’m glad to finally get that off my chest.  Maybe it would be easier to accept all of this if I liked any of the characters but….

 

There Isn’t a Single Character To Root For

 

Watch a good show like The Wire or Breaking Bad or Mad Men and you’ll find yourself invested in characters that you shouldn’t root for, but you do anyway because they are amazing.  A criminal like Omar, a liar and cheater like Don Draper, a psychotic chemistry teacher like Walter White… you love them for their faults and you hate them for their faults but God Damn It you LOVE them.  Who the hell am I supposed to love or even like in The Killing?

The stupid ass mayor and his stupid ass aides?  The teacher that married his student and has an inappropriate relationship with Rosie?  The detectives that are kind of shitty at their job, one of whom is a recovering druggie that seems to have really good skills at picking up high school chicks when he need to and the other one that can’t keep her emotions in check when a murder investigation is ongoing?  And don’t even get me started on her fiance that can’t understand why she needs to finish A MURDER INVESTIGATION OF A YOUNG GIRL.

The only person that I can even kind of root for is the father Stan Larsen (and not his wife who freaks out and gets mad at him for everything he does) and I think I mostly root for Stan because he kind of looks like Louis CK:

 

Also, how amazing would it have been if the show had cast Louis CK?  How much more watchable would it be then, because Louie can actually do a really good “sad” even if his overall acting is a work in progress.  Just imagine Louie in this world as a grieving father and looking around The Killing and calling everyone out for their bullshit.  Amazing.

Too bad they didn’t though because I really don’t care what happens to any of these characters.  I just want to find out with 100% certainty who the killer is but will that ever happen, because….

 

You Won’t Get Any Answers, You Only Get Red Herrings And Questions

 

The end of season one seemed to answer the question of who killed Rosie Larsen but also left it open so that the writers could change their minds if they wanted to.  Ginia Bellafante of The New York Times defended the ending of season one, but is also a vehement defender of the show and believes it’s got a lot more positives that meet the eye.  I don’t think so.  I think we’re looking for answers but The Killing isn’t giving us any.  At least three times during the season did it seem like we had a serious candidate for who the killer was and then the next week they tore it out of our hands.

This season on The Killing:  

 

Linden: Bennet, we’ve got you on tape murdering Rosie Larsen and the DNA evidence proves it.

Bennet: But I didn’t do it!

Holder: You clearly did, we have all the evidence we need to put you away for life.

 

/Well that’s clearly it for Bennet…

 

The next week….

 

Seattle Chief of Police: We’ve got evidence that Bennet has a rock solid alibi.

Linden: But what about the video and the DNA?

Chief: The video was faked by the Coalition of People Against Muslims and the DNA was planted.

Holder: Damn son.

 

The writers feel like they can do anything and then get away with it the next week by writing something else that proves it was all a fake-out.  That’s why Ginia is clearly going to be proven wrong on her assertion that “They did prove who the killer was in season one and they’ll just move onto the next crime.”

 

I am absolutely certain that The Killing will throw a wrench into the gears next Sunday and tell us that indeed the killer was setup and we’re going to have to keep looking for Rosie’s killer.  Why?  Because the show isn’t very good and it hates to give us answers when it knows that by giving us bullshit, they won’t lose viewers.  Twin Peaks was seen as one of the greatest shows in TV history during it’s first season and was an absolute American obsession that year… until they wrapped up season one and went into season two with a new plight and was cancelled shortly thereafter.  The Killing will drag this murder on for as long as it has to, trust me.

I feel like the viewer is Tom Cruise and The Killing is Jack Nicholson:

 

The Killing: You want answers?

The Viewer: I think I’m entitled to it.

The Killing: You want answers?

The Viewer: I WANT THE TRUTH!

The Killing: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!

The Killing: Son, we live in a world that has television, and that television has to be created by men with families and responsibilities.  Who’s gonna do it?  You?  You Kenneth Arthur?  Writers have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom.  You weep or Rosie Larsen, and you curse the writers.  You have that luxury.  You have the luxury of not knowing what I know.  That dragging out Rosie’s death, while tragic, probably keeps you tuned in another week.  And our existence, while annoying and incomprehensible to you, gets viewers.  You don’t want the answer to who killed Rosie because deep down in places you don’t talk about at the water cooler, you want me writing TV, you need me writing TV.  We use words like red herring, Space Needle, and “Yo Linden!”.  We use these words as the backbone of a life spent annoying the shit out of television viewers.  You use them as a punchline for your TV reviews.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to viewers who rise and sleep under the blanket of cable television and then question the manner in which I provide it.  I would rather you just said “Thank you” and bought the DVD box set.  Otherwise, I suggest you write your own damn TV show and get a pilot sold.  Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

The Viewer: Did Richmond murder Rosie?

The Killing: I did the job I….

The Viewer: DID RICHMOND MURDER ROSIE LARSEN?!?!

The Killing: WE HAVEN’T THOUGHT THAT FAR AHEAD!

And that’s pretty much exactly how I feel about it.  The writers wrote a premise and they didn’t write an ending so that’s why you get a new red herring every week and open-ended questions about who really killed Rosie.  Because those assholes that wrote the show didn’t even know.  And yet I sit here every week, knowing that I’ll watch season two because damn it, I want the truth.

I can handle it.

 

Follow me on Twitter and I’ll tell you who really killed Rosie Larsen!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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§ 12 Responses to The Killing: 5 Reasons To Not Watch Season Two

  • KatherineM says:

    Yawn.

    Maybe someone who has this much hate about a TV show, and this much time to write on his obsession about it, is the issue, not the show.

    Blog is under 550 calories cause it is full of hot air.

  • I got out by about episode 4 because I thought it was lame. My mom is actually EXCITED about the new season for reasons I can’t understand. And the reason why I stopped watching was the characters. I mean a child murder and I couldn’t give a shit long enough to figure out who did it. LAME! You poor bastard. You can let me know how it turns out b/c you’re certainly not spoiling it for me.

  • Jude says:

    Man, I wish I’d found your blog before I squandered several hours of my life that I can’t get back, watching the second season! The final dreary episode will air without me in 6 days. Don’t know what the big brains at AMC are thinking (assuming they are capable of thinking) … they cancelled Rubicon (an excellent story) and kept this garbage, as if to deliberately frustrate the viewing public. Guess that’s why they’re paid the big bucks.

  • Mac-10 says:

    Yeah- Rubicon must have sucked because YOU have never heard of it. I’ve never seen the show either but please get the fuck out with your vanity issues and ego-tripping. You obviously have an axe to grind when it comes to The Killing. You and a few hundred other internet magpies have been squawking about last year’s finale for an entire year now, trying at every turn to get the show canceled. Well AMC is obviously waiting to see how the finale does before making a decision so you better rally your lynch mob for one more run at it!

    If you think Mirielle Enos, Joel Kinnaman, Billy Campbell, and Brent Sexton’s performances have been examples of “bad acting” then you obviously have an agenda concerning the show. BTW you have a taste for shit: Mad Men sucks my balls- I said it and I don’t care how popular that stupid ass show is. I’d rather watch paint dry:)

  • [...] I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The Killing is not a good show. [...]

  • Fannie says:

    I started watching “The Killing” via Netflix a couple of weeks ago, and I hadn’t heard of it before (I no longer subscribe to TV). I stopped watching at the episode of Rosie’s funeral, because it was JUST TOO STUPID and required that you suspend your disbelief for too long. Actually, I thought the actors were good, and charismatic. The story was just awful. They took a good story to start, and spun it out until it could not hold together in the light of reason. I just wondered if anyone else saw it as I did. And having perused a few reviews ofthe rest of the series, I think my decision to stop watching was right.

    • Jude says:

      Yes, your instincts are spot on … end your suffering and get outta’ here NOW. Save yourself and don’t give another thought about the rest of us!

  • adria12b says:

    I hate this show, I really do, yet somehow, I can’t stop watching. Something’s seriously wrong with me, I know that now. I was on the fence for much of the first season, I despised the 2nd, and have continued wasting an hour of my otherwise perfectly fine Sundays on the 3rd – why?! I agree with most of what you said, but for me, the absolute worst of all and why I talk to my TV on Sunday nights is this:I HATE Mireille Enos’s acting style – Razzies should have showered her with a handful of well-deserved awards, not sure what they’re waiting for; she hasn’t changed her facial expression since her first scene in the first episode of season 1; I cannot stand how relentlessly morose she is; I hate her 2 wooly sweaters (extent of her wardrobe since day 1), her skinny little legs in those skinny jeans, the fact that she walks around in that same bulky jacket 24/7 (seems Seattle has 365 days of rain and fog and freezing cold, and what’s up with the nighttime there – does it last twice as much as normal in other parts of the world?? I hate how she whispers, in that monotone of hers, 99 % of her lines… And don’t even get me started on that ponytail – omg, I just can’t. I have to stop this. I need help.

  • jade says:

    Hilarious review even though I don’t agree with it — and I think Mireille Enos is brilliant, btw. But loved your review! And the thing about the plot line stringing people along — yeah, so true! :)

  • Minx says:

    Kenneth Mongoloid,
    You are completely without taste and intellect. I am quite sure it was not the intention of Sud to appeal to insipid, over-indulged Gen Y dweebs like yourself. You could not appreciate the richness in characterization and depth of emotion in this series if you lived to be 1,000. So stick with what you know – the over sensationalized reality TV zombie bullshit – and can understand. XOXO :)

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