Going Camping: Some Last Notes In Case I Die!

August 8, 2012 § 8 Comments

This weekend I am going camping.  I have not been camping very much in my life.  I went maybe twice as a kid and then once in my early 20s and I would have hardly called that camping.  It was more like an outdoor motel.

I am very inexperienced and the friends that I am going with are just about as experienced as I am.  So I fully expect that it’s possible that I might not come back from this four day trip into the Sequoia National Forest.  Bears, rivers, lakes, bees, Jason… there are so many dangers out there and I have basically no experience on how to handle any hardships that I might encounter out there.

Hell, out of the two times that I went camping as a kid, I almost got swept into a river once.  Out of all my camping trips, I’m basically already running a 33% chance of nearly dying.

Just in case I do not return, I want to say a few things:

  • We definitely didn’t need another Spiderman.
  • Diet Coke just tastes better than regular Coke.
  • I’ve never heard a Bob Dylan album, and I’m not ashamed about it.  I couldn’t even name a Bob Dylan song, though I’m sure I’ve heard plenty.
  • I’ll give Archer another chance but if you asked me tonight, I’d say it’s overrated.
  • I mean, even if you DID have to reboot Spiderman, at least attach a notable director.  You don’t know who directed The Amazing Spider-Man.
  • I only floss the day of and the day after going to the dentist.
  • Why do we like all these Olympic sports for two weeks out of four years and then not give a shit for the next 47 months?
  • When you think you’ve got nothing left to eat in the entire house, that means you’ve actually got one really creative meal left.
  • You have to admit that Tim Burton might just be an insane person that has no idea what he’s doing.
  • You have to admit that David Lynch definitely does not know what he’s doing.
  • Yeah – I’ve had days where I went to Jack in the Box for burger and then made a second stop at McDonalds for the fries.  So what?
  • I could have tried a lot harder at a lot of things but I never quit except for all of those times that I did, in fact, quit. There’s no lesson there.
  • Morgan Freeman played God in Bruce Almighty and we should all be a little more curious about that because it actually makes perfect sense.
  • I mean, he played a black president in Deep Impact and then whaddya know…
  • I’ve been to like six concerts in my life and that’s plenty.  Tell me ONE good thing about crowds.
  • I have listed to “We Are Young” and “Somebody That I Used To Know” more times than some tweens.  I’m not going to say “most” but definitely some.
  • The first two books of The Hunger Games series are the first two books I’ve ready in a very long time.
  • The third book in the series has been sitting in my room for a month.
  • I’ve seen Sleepaway Camp 3 ten times.
  • I’ve seen Citizen Kane once.
  • I’m writing this while Big Brother is recording.  For me.  Cause I watch it.  Every year.  I think I could get past the first round of auditions if I actually submitted one.
  • If you love someone, don’t let them go idiot.  You think they’re going to come back?  You think that girl came back to John Cusack in Say Anything?
  • (I dont know, did she?  I don’t remember the end of that movie.  Except for the obvious part.)
  • I love my nephew Jackson and my niece Delaney a lot and if I don’t return from camping, I really want them to have something to remember me by.
  • But it won’t be this blog.
  • My happy place is thinking about the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl.  I literally am most at peace in this moment.  You’d think it should be something that’s actually a lot more important like ending world hunger or poverty.  Priorities, amirite?
  • I probably would have hired, like, Wes Anderson to Spiderman.  Now you could have rebooted it.  That would have been awesome.

Wish me luck!

And wish Jason Voorhees bad luck.

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