August 20, 2012 § 18 Comments
I know that I had goals when I started this blog, but I am struggling to remember them now. Basically, I just wanted a place where I didn’t have to only write about sports. I love sports, but I like to write about other things too. There was no set genre that this blog was going to take on, which was both a blessing and a curse.
The blessing I suppose is that it covers a wide range of topics: love, movies, television, dating, random humor, life, my own life, Scott Baio, other things. Mostly Scott Baio. I really just love to write and I loved having a place that was only my own. There’s a curse to that though.
When my article on Marriage or whatever had gotten Freshly Pressed, I thought that was a pretty awesome moment. I am grateful for that today and I’ll always be grateful for that. It brought in a lot of new readers and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t fun to get 100+ emails a day for a few days because of it. I recently went camping for four days and I didn’t miss a single text or call. Yeah, it was cool to have some attention, even for half-a-week.
But then I felt like I had to stop doing what I wanted to do and start catering more to a certain type of reader. I felt an obligation to continue writing about my love life, even if calling it a “love life” is like calling “What’s Your Number?” a “Romantic comedy.” There’s not actually anything going on there where saying “love” is something that technically pertains to my dating life, just like there isn’t much romance or comedy in that awful, awful movie.
But I felt like now I wasn’t dictating what I got to write, I was now writing for an audience and that if I was going to keep getting page views or likes or new followers, I’d have to keep writing about the same shit. Of course, I didn’t just do this. If you’ve followed my blog, I have intertwined that same randomness for months, trying to push my own weird sense of humor, my TV tournament, or anything else, while still also talking about marriage, sex, and dating. However, I’ve felt “off” almost the entire time.
Finally, I realized why: I started to treat my own blog like just another social media site. Oh wait, that’s it, WordPress is just another social media site. I wanted it to be a place where I could write and not worry about being judged for it, but after awhile I started to get really concerned if not a lot of people “liked” another thing I wrote. I could write something and then sit back and wait for the e-mails to come in about how people liked or commented on a post, and when those emails didn’t come in, I got discouraged. That’s not what I initially intended with a blog. I DO want people to like what I write, but I DON’T want to feel like I did such a crappy job when they don’t make that tiny act of hitting “Like.”
I just wanted to write, I didn’t want to necessarily feel like I needed that positive reinforcement after everything I post, even though it’s human nature to feel that way.
I also had found some other aspects of WordPress to be odd, such as the still daily e-mails I get that somebody is following my blog. I find that kind of odd since I have 828 blog “followers” but no other numbers really change. Just new followers every day, but I don’t see 828 commentors. I don’t see 1/10th of that. Wouldn’t something like that go up if people were actually reading your blog? Then I go to check out THEIR blog and it’s another common theme:
There’s nothing there. Oh, that’s not always true. Of course it’s not. Some of you might be reading this and saying, “Screw you, Kenneth!” and I don’t blame you. And I understand that a lot of people might sign up for WordPress just to follow blogs or have an intention to write a blog and then give up after a day. I gave up on at least a dozen blogs until last year. It’s common. But I just don’t necessarily understand how it happens so much and how I can have that many followers and only know a few of you.
For those of you that I do know, I want to say “thank you.” I am not going to name anyone for the simple purpose that if I even forgot one of you, I’d feel like a total dick and I wouldn’t forgive myself. Just yesterday on Facebook this girl posted on my roommates wall about college and talked about missing the crew and named off like 8 people. I wasn’t one of them, but I should have been and it made me feel shitty about it. I don’t want to accidentally make anyone feel shitty.
You know who you are and I say THANKS!
There are people that have disappeared, and that sucks too because it feels like you lost a good acquaintance or neighbor that you said “Hi!” to and maybe held a door for. Wish I knew you were still doing okay.
I’m very appreciative of those of you that do enjoy reading this blog and have stuck around through my madness and random thoughts, observations, and sometimes-shitty posts. I just admit that I don’t understand WordPress completely and I probably never will. I don’t know where these followers come from and I also don’t really understand how I can go to five completely random blogs and see some of the same people that liked things that I wrote also like things that they wrote. If there are hundreds of thousands of blogs, I’m not sure how that happens. I guess someone could have directed you here by way of this or that and there’s a connection there. I really didn’t want another social media site though, I only want to write.
Given my newest writing job, I’ll have so much less time to write here. I try to put things out when I can, but thanks so much for those of you that seem to like some of the things I write and have stuck around. I do know you’re here and I do want to say Thank You!