Terribly Amazing Lyrics: Lil’ Troy – Wanna Be A Baller

August 22, 2012 § 8 Comments

Editors Note: I wrote this on June 28th with the intention of finishing it but never got around to it.  It was a lot of fun to do, but then the fun ended and here we are, posting a partially finished article on a rapper nobody has cared about in 13 years and maybe it’s better that I didn’t finish it.  It was pretty long-winded already.  I mean, look at how long this editors note is… I write too much.

 

High school is an interesting time.  We think we know everything and yet it won’t be until much later that we find out that we knew nothing.  We knew very little about how the world works, how life works, and how we’ll view everything in the world as we get older.

Most of us also had really shitty taste in music, too.

When you age, you start to look at what’s popular and we think, “WHY? WHY? WHY ARE YOU BUYING THIS CRAP?!”  I heard the song “Call Me Maybe” for the first time last week.  I saw over 100,000,000 views on YouTube and thought to myself, “Well, this should be catchy at least!” but instead found it to be neither catchy or good.  (Maybe slightly catchy, which is why I will now avoid it for the rest of my life.)  UPDATE: I’ve been completely unable to avoid now! :(

However, when I look back at my own musical choices as a teenager, I can’t pretend like I wasn’t once in that position of having shitty taste.  The most popular music I can remember from my high school days for guys my age was rap.  At the time, rap was all about excess.

Money, cars, girls, diamonds, grills, and rims, just to name a few.  It wasn’t enough to just have a million dollars, you have to spend that million dollars immediately on something that will instantly depreciate in value and have no practical real-world use.  It was all about topping the other guy and then you get topped and then someone has topped him.

“Oh you got a car with 20 inch rims?  Well, I got a car with 24 inch rims and a dice in the mirror.”

“Oh really, son?  My Escalade has 30 inch rims, diamond dice in the mirror, platinum seats, and I just got a Biggie-sized meal from Wendy’s.”

Ca$h Money Millionaires ruled the day, but every rapper from every corner of the country put in their own 2,000,000,000,000 cents on what they have and how great it is.  One of those guys was rapper Lil Troy with his classic song that instantly brings me back to cruisin’ in my ’93 Honda Civic on a hot summer day in Washington, with windows down and dice in the mirror.

Troy Birklett, aka Lil’ Troy, is a Houston-based rapper that according to a “citation-needed” tidbit on Wikipedia: “was a successful drug dealer who funded his music business with the money he earned from selling drugs.”  You see, Troy was always bound for success because of his entrepreneurial spirit that began in the business of… selling drugs.   He ended up hitting it big in music only once with the success of his 1999 single, “Wanna Be a Baller,” the tale of a young man who wanted to elevate his game to that of a real shot-caller around the drug offices.

I can fondly remember the popularity of this release when I was just a freshman in high school and the beat and lyrics still resonate with me today.  Though, when I take a closer look at the lyrics, I can’t help but ask myself… WTF?

Let us begin with how the song begins.  With the chorus:

Wanna be a baller, shot caller

Twenty inch blades on the Impala

A caller gettin’ laid tonight

Swisher rolled tight, got sprayed by Ike

I hit the highway, making money the fly way

But there’s got to be a better way

A better way, better way, yeah

Let’s Discuss:

Troy’s story begins as a hopeful one, as an indication that he wants the excessive cash, the cars, the rims, and the girls but he can’t keep making money dealing drugs as it carries to many risks.  He’s looking for a better way.  For a better way.  Yeah.

(Another Edit: There’s more rappers in this song besides Lil Troy.  Part of the reason I have put this off is because I haven’t had the time to figure out who raps where.  I’m going to pretend like it’s all Lil Troy.  Deal with it?)

We continue:

I’ma baller, I’ma twenty inch crawler

Blades on Impala, diamond rottweiler

I, 10 hauler, not a leader not follower

Break these boys off I’ma twenty inch crawler

Bust a left, a right, I’m outta sight, I’m throwed

I’m bouncin’ off the road, I’m in a modem with them foe dem

Tiny tune hop out my big body form chain

With the Chong, can’t forget Moet along

Let’s Discuss:

What?

So Troy is already a baller.  He’s got blades on Impala, and now for the first time we are hearing about his diamond-encrusted dog, taking the “money to excess” to a whole ‘nother level.  I, 10 hauler – citation needed.

He’s a twenty inch crawler, and that’s so important (whatever it means) that he notes it twice. “Listen, I’m a twenty inch crawler.  Yeah, that’s right a twenty inch crawler.”

“Come again, kind sir?”

“I’m a break you off, because I’m a twenty inch crawler.”

He then explains that he is… sigh… “In a modem with them foe dem.”  We’re only about 15 seconds into the song and I’m already at a loss for words.  He’s inside of a modem (which makes sense as dial-up modems were quite popular in 1999) and with him are “foe dem.”  Like, “for them”?  -citation needed.

Then the tiny tune is hopping out of his big body form chain, and the Chong reference being related to marijuana, and the Moet referring to Hennessy.  It wraps up nicely with two references I understand but still mind-boggled by his Ghost in the Machine reference to being inside of my modem.

We continue…

I’ma crawl slow puggin’ on the Optimo hit the sto’

I’ma go real slow puffin’ indo out the do’

I’ma lit the stash green, man, I’m lookin’ clean

Want remote control screens with ice bezeltynes

Let’s Discuss:

Marijuana, Marijuana, Marijuana, WHAT?

The first three lines I believe are all references to weed but I’m taken aback by the line of wanting remote control screens with ice bezeltynes.  I had to ask myself if bezeltynes were like a prescription drug that I was unaware of.  However, a Google search for the word only returns one thing, mainly: THIS SONG.

Did the artists simply make up a word that rhymes?  Honestly, how many words rhyme with “clean”?  Like, 100,000 words?  WTF is ice bezeltynes and if they exist, why can’t I find any other source on it?  And what the hell is he talking about with remote control screens IN RELATION to these ice bezeltynes?  To me, ice always refers to diamonds, so that part makes sense.  Maybe TV screens in the Impala with remote controls and diamonds in the trim, but somebody please tell me what a bezeltyne is.

 

AND THAT IS WHERE I ENDED THIS POST BUT IT’S ABOUT AS LONG AS IT NEEDS TO BE ANYWAY.  THERE ARE MORE LYRICS IN THIS SONG THAT ARE REALLY BAD, BUT I HAVE TO END IT HERE. I ALSO SHOULD ADD THAT I AM PRETTY SURE OTHER RAPPERS IN THIS SONG EXISTED BESIDES LIL TROY BUT I DIDNT HAVE THE TIME TO FIGURE THAT ALL OUT.  THANKS FOR READING! WHAT IS A BEZELTYNE?

 

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