True Blood Season 5 Recap and Review

August 28, 2012 § 3 Comments

One of the issues with starting a series during a vampire craze is that you tend to lose interest from people once the craze dies down.  I guess that’s part of why True Blood has decided to tap into every single other mythical creature known to man, but I feel like many fans of season one are long since gone.

Since I have a disease that won’t allow me to not finish any series that I invest heavily into, I’m still here.  Thankfully, True Blood seems to have recovered from it’s season two disaster and subsequently bad years.  The fifth season got back to actually turning in some surprises and interesting characters, but with Alan Ball leaving as show-runner, will it continue?

The following basically contains season five spoilers only, so keep that in mind.  This is really obvious from the title of the article, right?

At the end of season four, Debbie, Marnie, Jesus, and Tara were all dead.  Steve Newlin and Russell Edgington were apparently not.  I’ve decided that the best way to recap the entire season would to do it by characters and explain how I felt about their storyline.  This is a new thing I am trying out, so bare with me:


I’ve never really been fond of her character.  She’s pissed off about everything, she had never showed much depth other than that, basically only being used as a device for Snookie or Lafayette when they had their own shit going on.  Finally this season she was given something to do for herself after Pam resurrected her after Snookie told her that she’d do anything if she saved Tara.  Knowing that this would finally give her something to hold over the girl she hates, Pam accepted and turned Tara into a vampire.

At first, I was more annoyed by Tara than ever.  Now she was just a really pissed off vampire and again, it was just about how Snookie and Lafayette felt about this.  Then she went to be with Pam and while I hated it when she became some stripper, by the end of the season I was finally at ease with Tara.  Is it because she and Pam apparently fell in love?  Probably.  But it’s the least annoying relationship that Tara has ever been in and finally gives Pam some substance too.


Alternatively, Lafayette seemed to get lost this year.  His whole thing with Jesus was cool but then after Jesus died, it seems like he didn’t have anything left to do.  Sure, he is now like a full-blown medium, but that only makes him useful for when other people have problems.

Come on, Bitch

By the time he had helped resolved issues for Sookie and Arlene, he was just there to be flamboyant and offer people food and drinks.  Lafayette’s season five story arc: “You gon’ love me forevah’ when you try this, bitch.” or something.  Basically his only purpose this year was really making me want to eat the food he cooked because Alan Ball makes it seem like he’s the best chef and drink mixer in the entire world.  Oh and he can talk to dead people.

Arlene and Terry

Did you ever get the feeling that these two are only in the show because sometimes True Blood needs to fill an extra six minutes per episode?  If there is a single character in the show that I miss, it’s Rene.

No offense to them, they’re likeable, but what’s their point?  They don’t seem to interact with the other characters at all.

Andy Bellefleur and Holly

And this is like another set of “Arlene and Terry” except that Andy does play a part in the rest of the series.  I really like that Andy and Jason have teamed up as partners and everything, but now he’s got four fairy babies?  What?

Andy Bellefleur has become like a mix of Chief Wiggum and Apu.

Bill Compton

Perhaps that most interesting flip in series history was the season five arc of Bill, going from the love of Sookie’s life into Russell Edgington but worse.  The series has hinted for awhile now that Bill had some inklings of going into the authority for good, but we always expected that eventually he would become “Nice guy Bill” and never fall out of love with Sookie.

When Eric and Sookie go to him at the end of the season finale, we all knew what was going to happen: He’d be reasoned with, realize how awful he’s been, throw away the blood, and then something weird would happen like he’d be kidnapped by Lilith or some shit.  Okay, so much for that!

Bill says, “Screw you guys, man.  I’m hella cool now!” drinks all of Lilith’s blood and then dies.  Holy shit, Bill is dead!  Except that after becoming a pool of blood, he regenerates (with special effects apparently done by the SyFy network) and is super evil now or so I assume.  I don’t think that a vampire can regenerate out of his own blood after drinking the blood of evil and be good ever again.  Alan Ball has basically confirmed this.

He’s still Bill, but he’s like “Bad re-incarnated Bill” which is cool.  I did not expect that.  Of course, I’m not really sure how a character like Bill can go from being like the nicest vampire ever to a one-man show of evil and carnage over night, but why ask questions?  This is True Blood, not The Wire.


I love Christopher Meloni.  I will miss Christopher Meloni.  Five meager little episodes. :(


Part of what turned Bill, I guess, was the character Salome.  I never really caught on to what she had to do with anything, why she was important, and why I should care about her except that her short love affair with Bill probably played an integral role in turning him evil.

She was otherwise useless until Bill killed her.  Damn, he is evil.  Remember when Eric was evil?  This show just decides, “Whatever, now let’s make this character good and this one bad.”  Breaking Bad has done that, but it made a lot more sense and took a lot more time.  Did you see how even in this paragraph about Salome, it was more about Bill?  Yeah, that’s her character!

Sam and Luna

Have you ever seen two people more naked?  How weird was it to be on that set all season?  How awkward was it for Luna to run around with her breasts hanging out for probably 15 hour days on set?  I guess that they absolutely must have gotten used to it.

I, however, will never get used to seeing Sam Merlotte make out with himself.  Has anyone else noticed that obviously being a shifter is better than being anything else ever and yet everybody else focuses on vampire and werewolves?  I think it’s pretty obvious that once people found out that shifters existed, we wouldn’t care about the vampires.  I would want to get bitten by a shifter, even if it didn’t turn me into a shifter.  That’s how amazing they are.  You can shift into any animal and even other humans.

“Kiss me, Me!”

Sam and Luna are also a “relationship side show” for True Blood, except that they actually do play a part in some of the integral storylines.  They played a part in the “Obama” storyline big time and then even the authority storyline by the end.  Of course, Sam was once one of the central characters of the show and now he’s not a part of Sookie’s life anymore, so they had to figure a way to get him involved in the meat of it all.  But it’s weird because he really is not a part of that vampire stuff at all.  Like, does Sookie even work at Merlotte’s anymore?   DOES SAM!?!?!  HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE MAKING MONEY?!!!


Oh Hoyt.  You’re probably one of my favorite characters, but I was really sad to see you give up on Jason.  I know how hard it is to forgive him for what he did, but life isn’t about just forgetting its about forgiving.  You and Jason are lifelong pals.  Asking Jessica to glamour you was total bullshit.

(Glamouring, in general, is total bullshit.  Vampires should already have taken over the world years ago if glamouring was real.)

His whole season was up-and-down as he tried to get over the whole thing, going from getting sucked on by any vampire he could to being a vampire hate monger that wanted to kill them.  There is only one kind of Hoyt that I like and he was neither of those.  Maybe it’s best to get his memory erased after all.  Can I have my memory erased from seeing Hoyt in makeup?

Hoyt went off to Alaska, only to return next season, I’m sure.  Hopefully without eyeliner.


I do love Jessica, much like Hoyt, but she has a hard time loving anyone as a vampire.  She wanted to be friends with Hoyt, which obviously would never work.  She was in lust with Jason and then finally in love.  Jessica needs something to do, so she’ll probably get a progeny next year.

Who will Jessica turn into a vamp?

Criss Angel

I’m assuming this is who that guy was that replaced Eric as Sheriff for like two days.


I live in LA and I think I once saw Alcide (Joe Manganiello) at the movie theater.  Often, actors will just look really big on television.  I’m 6’6″.  This guy towers over me.  He is also probably works out.  The internet says that he is 6’5″.  It could have been perspective that made him look so tall.  It could have been entirely someone else.

Oh, what did he do in the show?

Something about a wolf pack.  How many creature politics does this show have to go over?  There is this other wolf and he is a jerk and he gives the pack “V” and then Russell Edgington is somehow involved and also Luna’s daughter is part-wolf so this makes Luna and Sam involved.  He got a girlfriend or something during the season too, but I don’t even know her name.

His dad was played by the T-1000 though, so that’s awesome.

True Blood seems to introduce a lot of characters that just fall in love with Sookie for four episodes and then insists on making them permanent characters with stuff to do.  I’m not so sure I care about the werewolves.  Maybe if they were fighting against someone else, but they only fight with each other and they probably smell bad.

Russell Edgington and Steve Newlin

Well, we knew that Russell would be back because they didn’t actually kill him.  Steve Newlin was a surprise, mostly because I forgot/didn’t care about him, but he actually was a pleasant surprise this year as a gay vampire after being a straight vampire-hater.  His character seems to be a great way for Alan Ball to say what he wants to say about gay-hating pastors that are actually just secretly gay.  When Steve Newlin came out and decided to be who he really is, he was a much better character.

Russell we always knew was gay, but now he was also a much more likeable character.  He no longer seemed to just want to be evil, he just want to have fun.  He wanted to feast and be free and be himself and take over the world or whatever but mostly have sex and drink blood.

“I want to suck your blood, Jason. Among other things.”

He is finally dead for real.  Steve is out there somewhere and will probably come back next year with all of the puppies.

Eric Northman

So now Eric is like the world’s softest dude ever.  He used to be a dick and now he’s soft and squishy and has a lot of sex with his sister.  Nobody loves Sookie anymore, I don’t think.  Also, Eric and Bill were like Superfriends for awhile.  This show has completely turned on it’s head and I still can’t understand how.  It’s just one episode to the next, characters are different.  Maybe subtle things change characters along the way, but seriously… did you see how soft Eric was and how mean Bill was by the end?

I guess Eric was changed in season four.  How am I supposed to remember season four?

So Eric and his sister Nora have crazy amounts of fast-forward sex and then he hates her cause she’s a jerk but then she realizes what a fool she was so they get back to having more sex. Whoopie!

Season five also saw a brief return of Godric, played by Elijah Wood’s doppelganger, who was destroyed by Lilith.  There was also the naked character of Lilith by the way and that was weird and hopefully over.

Otherwise, this was a rather dull season for Eric.  He’s still a primary character but his purposes in the season seemed rather minute.  I wouldn’t mind seeing him go back to being a dick, that’s the way I like my Eric Northman.

Jason Stackhouse

Thankfully Jason never changes.  I mean, he does go through some life-moments, but the heart of Jason remains the same.  First he goes to a sorority party and then decides NOT to have sex with a cute young co-ed because he doesn’t want to be that way anymore?  But does he mean it.

Well, he ends up having sex with his old teacher, the woman who helped shape the womanizer that he is but rejects her after they finish.  Jason winds up getting involved with the fairy stuff and finds out that his parents were actually killed by vampires.  This is when things do start to worry me about Jason because now he wants to kill all of the vampires.

That’s not you, man.  His anger is misguided because he wants to avenge his parents death but I know that Jason will realize the errors of his ways.  After Jessica finally wants to be with him, he’s like “No way” because she is a vampire but I have a feeling that by next season that will change.

Good old stupid, kind Jason Stackhouse.

Sookie Stackhouse

Finally, it all comes back to Sookie.  The main character of the show, Sookie was the central theme mainly because she was what brought together the mean Eric with the kind Bill.  She’s central to everything else.

Except that now Bill is a dick and doesn’t care about her.  Eric is nice and cares about her, but not as much as he cares about boning his sister.  Alcide was rejected and so has moved on and also found out that she killed his ex, which probably doesn’t help.  Russell wanted her for her blood, but he’s dead now.  Sam is basically married to Luna.  Tara hates her.  Pam hates her.  Lafayette is like her best friend now but he’s all like, “Taste this, bitch.”  I think she’s done a No-Call, No-Show at Merlotte’s for eight weeks straight, so she has no waitress friends.

Basically, we’re sitting here after five seasons and after being the central character, she plays a very little part in all of the storylines.  Couldn’t you sort of… continue the whole show without her?

Sookie’s mission this season was to find out more about fairies (oh cool!) and then find out what her grams was trying to tell her, which is that some old vampire named Warlow killed her parents and that she is owed to him from a very old pact.  So that’s definitely going to be the storyline of season six for Sookie, finding out who Warlow is, but does anybody care about Sookie anymore?

Including you, the viewer?

I’m sure that by then, they will make her more central to the lives of the other 87 characters but as of this year, she was mostly just another arc in the middle of 112 story arcs, not central to anything.  Not especially memorable.

At the very end of the season, Bill turns into bloody evil Bill and Eric tells her to run before the shit hits the fan.  As we know with all True Blood cliffhangers, it’s going to be okay.  But even then I’m asking myself, “Okay, I want to know more about what the hell Bill has become” and I’m not really concerned about Sookie anymore.  That’s what True Blood, season five, was all about for me.


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