January 9, 2012 § Leave a Comment
No actor affects me in quite the same way that Nicolas Cage does. He’s a mystery. He’s talented. He’s batshit crazy. Here are two simple facts about Cage that explain why he dumbfounds me so much:
- He was genius in Adaptation, award-winning in Leaving Las Vegas, excellent in Raising Arizona.
- He was in Bangkok Dangerous.
Nic Cage might have the ability to do or be anything he wants. He might have an acting ceiling as high as Daniel Day-Lewis, but he’s got the standards of a two-nickel whore. The insanity of Cage knows no bounds, and I assume that off-camera he’s not too much unlike his characters in The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans or Kiss of Death.
Seriously Nic, what the fuck is wrong with you?
One of my favorite faces of Cage though, the one that I start this series with, is bad-boy-but-actually-good-boy Cameron Poe in Con Air.
Fact: Cameron Poe is balding.
Fact: Cameron Poe don’t give no shit ’bout that, he gon’ grow his hair anyway.
He looks like Jared Allen, and that’s not a good thing because at least Jared Allen makes millions. You’re just white trash, Poe.
The writers of Con Air had to figure out a way to make it so that a “real bad prisoner” would be a good guy that we would root for as a hero. They decided that the best way to do this was to make him an Army Ranger that accidentally kills a guy that is trying to rape his pregnant wife.
He spent eight years in maximum security prison for this. I only have one slight issue with the sentence and that’s that he accidentally killed a guy that was trying to rape his pregnant wife.
I get that because he was trained to kill a guy with his hands and then killed a guy with his hands, it’s like he basically shot him when maybe he could have just wounded him, but can we cut a guy a break? Or how about cut his wife a break? She’s eight months pregnant and the judge couldn’t go a little easy on an Army fucking Ranger?
Finally, he gets paroled EARLY on good behavior (eight years wasn’t even the full sentence) on July 14th, he’s going to meet his daughter for the first time on July 14th, it’s her birthday on JULY 14TH!
Seriously, this movie wants you to know that July 14th is the best day that anyone has ever had… ever. His daughter wins life.
Long story short:
Prisoners need to be moved from one prison to another and get on a plane to do it and they take all of the worst low-lifes in America at the same time, including a stop to pick up even MORE low-lifes, but Nic Cage is just hitching a ride home rather than just getting another flight because hey why not save a few hundred bucks and be treated like a prisoner for a few more hours even though you’ve been locked up for eight years?
So yeah, typical story.
The funny thing about Con Air is that even though it’s a ridiculous action movie with a ridiculous premise and terribly cheesy dialogue, it’s not just packed with action, it’s also packed with a great cast.
Beyond Cage, there’s John Malkovich, Steve Buscemi, John Cusack, Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo, Dave Chappelle, Mykelti Williamson, and Colm Meaney.
I don’t know what interested Malkovich in this movie, but I’m so fucking happy that he did it and Cyrus the Virus is one of the greatest movie villains of all-time because of him.
I could do a whole series on John Cusack as well, just one of my favorite actors, and to have Cusack, Malkovich, and Cage all in the same movie is like having sex with the girl of your dreams but it’s finally not only in your dreams. It actually happened.
Cameron Poe is n0t of of Cage’s most complicated characters. Poe just wants to go home. He’s not a bad guy but he’s deadly and he’s got a temper which makes him the perfect in-flight terrorist-stopper. It’s like Passenger 57 only in this case every passenger except for two of them are the bad guys.
I could never get over that mullet and thought it was always an odd choice for Cage, but then I remembered; what isn’t an odd choice for Cage?
Top Poe Quotes:
- Put the bunny back in the box.
- They somehow managed to get every creep and freak in the universe onto this one plane.
- What do you think I’m gonna do? I’m gonna save the fuckin’ day!
- Hey! My mama lives in a trailer!
- On any other day that might seem strange…