Twitter Account of the #FF: @egg_dog

August 31, 2012 § 2 Comments

So like I’ve been saying lately, I haven’t had much time as of late to write here.  I currently have 14 stories that I need to do between today and next Saturday, each of which will take at least an hour, and that’s just for one website.  In total, I will have to write about 20 stories in the next week or so.  TWENTY!  At least!

However, it’s Friday and that means I can do a quick Pound-Pound for a Twitter account and today’s “winner” (in quotes because you’ve won nothing, sorry dude) is @egg_dog.

What is egg dog?  Nobody knows.  It is a dog that tweets about the most random, unexplainable, life observations on a daily basis.  Best part of all is that even though it’s a dog that can write, he can’t write very well.  Just enough to be understood.  Here are some of Egg Dog’s top tweets:

@egg_dog: facte: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once

(That tweet received 562 favorites and 922 re-tweets.  Holey sht!)

@egg_dog: those bread ends u hate? theyre bread parenthesis w/out them thered b bread everywhere no way to stop it wed b fucked trapped in bread hell


@egg_dog: adjectives #WordsThatDescribeMe

(simpel and affective)

I think that’s enough to convince anyone that’s on twitter to follow the egg dog.  The best part about it is that usually I’ll write a bit about the person that’s tweeting but I don’t know a damn thing about this doggy.  That makes my job really easy.  Go follow.  Unless you’re not on twitter, then you’ve already won.



Twitter Account of the #FF: @UNTRESOR aka Brandon Guttermouth

July 13, 2012 § 1 Comment

It has been awhile since I have done one of these.  Frankly, I don’t really #FF much and maybe that’s why I never get the Follow Friday love in return because there is nothing to return.  However, I will always throw out a #FF every now and then when I think a Twitter account simply needs to be seen by more people.

Enter @UNTRESOR.  Seriously, I think he wants you to enter him.  If it’s even a him at all, I can’t be 100% sure on that.

In my older versions of this series I had highlighted some well-known people that were surprisingly hilarious such as Brandon McCarthy and Ken Jennings.  These were a couple of folks that you would never assume were funny (a baseball player and a Jeopardy contestant.  There is a famous Jeopardy contestant!!!) but they managed to string words together to make these things called “Jokes” and then in return of reading these jokes you end up laughing, or “Ha Ha-ing”.  It’s quite a fun activity.

Brandon Guttermouth is also good at this except I have no damn idea who he/she/it is.  I honestly don’t know if a bunch of people do and I’m just not in the loop, but a internet search for “Who is Brandon Guttermouth” only returned results of his haikus.

His picture doesn’t give it away either:


Anyways, who doesn’t like a little mystery?  We’ve all used public bathrooms, am I correct?  The heart of the matter is the funny tweets.  I have given a #FF to @UNTRESOR a couple of times before but maybe that’s not enough to convince you.  Instead, here are some of “its” best tweets in existence.  Enjoy!

just drank an entire bottle of soy sauce and now my farts can solve sudoku puzzles.
if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it has really low self esteem and you should exploit that for sexual favor.
If you urinate in a pair of swim goggles and strap them to your face you won’t need Instagram anymore.
Is it ok to say “OWNED!” to black people?
.@RedLobster My colostomy bag explodes after only like five or six of your cheesy biscuits. I think you’re using too much yeast.
so seal’s face and forest whitaker’s eye walk into a bar and that’s it. that’s the joke.
Wow, that’s some gold right there folks.  And literally he does this successfully several times per day!  I loved the Instagram one so much that I actually EMAILED it to some friends and REGULAR MAILED one to my grandmother handwritten and sent through the US Postal Service!
I don’t know what an UNTRESOR even is, but just go follow it!  You won’t be disappointed! (Until that one day when everything disappoints you and you leave Twitter and partly blame him, me, and everyone else for not loving you enough which I totally get by the way.)

Twitter Account of the #FF: @KirkFox aka Kirk Fox

February 24, 2012 § Leave a comment

If you think it’s easy to make it as a comedian, notice some of the people that have auditioned for Last Comic Standing.

This includes Kirk Fox in 2010, after he had already appeared in Reno 911!, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and Comedy Central Presents: KIRK FOX!  Despite having already given his own slot on Comedy Central, Fox still auditioned for Last Comic Standing, despite the fact that he seemed like a comic that was standing perfectly fine in his own right.

Now, I can’t say for sure if NBC throws in some ringers just to get more publicity for the audition rounds of the show, but it definitely seemed odd for me to see Fox audition, not to mention the fact that he didn’t get past the semi-finals.  This was also the same year that he appeared as Joe from Sewage on Parks and Rec, but apparently was not a funnier comedian than the 10 people that did advance.

I don’t want to say shitty things about the people that advanced to the finals of LCS, because most of them worked hard to get there and are still trying to break into the business, but the only people that I had ever heard of and have still have ever heard of: Fox, Nikki Glaser, Rob Delaney, and Guy Torry… did not get past the semi-finals.

I believe this was the same year that low-ratings caused NBC to have a 5-person finale just to end it already with Felipe “No Wikipedia Page” Esparza as the winner.  Can you imagine how people would look back at the last season of Last Comic Standing if they knew that it was Glazer v Delaney v Fox?  Can you imagine that it wouldn’t even be the final season of Last Comic Standing, if those were the finalists?  (Even though they had their best run of judges ever that year: Andy Kindler, Natasha Leggero, and Greg Geraldo  Hosted by Craig Robinson.)

Luckily, thanks to Twitter we still get these comedians on a daily basis without NBC editing.

@KirkFox gives us gems like this one:

And if you’ve been following his career as much as I have, you can basically hear him saying the joke in his own unique, without-a-care delivery.

According to Imdb, Fox has been in the business for almost 20 years, first appearing as “Enforcer” in the classic Tia Carrerre/C. Thomas Howell vehicle, Treacherous.  He then followed that up with a part in a much lesser-known film, Wyatt Earp, as “Pete Spence” and then as “Corporal” in one of my favorite Pauly Shore movies, In The Army Now.

It’s a long and treacherous road for anybody trying to make it in Hollywood or as a comedian, but the 2010’s might be the decade of the Fox.  In the meantime, you can get on the Kirk Fox bandwagon early by following him on Twitter and now I’m going to go home and find my VHS copy of In The Army Now and also a VHS player.

@RobDelaney, @NikkiGlaser, @NatashaLeggero, @AndyKindler are also ones that you may or may not be following and are late to the party in doing so.

I am @casetines and I won season 10 of Last Comic Standing in 2015.




Twitter Account of the #FF: @BMcCarthy32

January 6, 2012 § Leave a comment

Last week, the Twitter Account of the FF was unlikely funny-man @KenJennings.  What business does this Jeopardy contestant have putting out the best tweets on a constant basis?

The same goes for athletes.  I first got onto Twitter just to follow athletes and get news.  So I went around and followed a bunch of them.  A bunch of baseball players and football players so that I could finally find out what’s going on behind the scenes for these superstars and heroes.  As it turns out, there’s not much going on.

Athletes are typically some of the worst follows on Twitter, giving you more information on their favorite potato chips or “what women be doing” instead of insight into a game or season.  If I want news, follow Adam Schefter or Buster Olney.  He’ll tweet the only information you need, as well as other journalists.  Follow them, and leave the athletes out of it.

@JoeMande, famous for making fun of moronic celebrities on Twitter, said that the only people that should really tweet are journalists and comedians.  They can provide something of value in 140 characters, or links to things of value.  If you want to share with your friends or the world “OMG THIS BURRITO IS SO GOOD!” then do it on Facebook.  Nobody on Twitter gives a shit.

So athletes, typically, are not worth following unless you are just obsessive with keeping up in their day-to-day lives like a pseudo-paparazzo.  Brandon McCarthy is one of the rare exceptions, using it as his platform for comedy rather than “ugh I HATE plane rides!”

This is a picture of Brandon McCarthy, pitcher for the Oakland A’s:

Normal looking dude, just exactly what you would expect for an athletes Twitter account, or something equally unoriginal or uncreative.

Here’s Brandon McCarthy’s Twitter picture:

The genius of this photo is that it shows that McCarthy is self-aware about how he was perceived going into the 2011 season, and he wasn’t afraid to make fun of it.  The A’s had a strong staff that included four young pitchers with different levels of ace potential.

Oh, and they also had Brandon McCarthy.  He didn’t pitch in the majors in 2010 and he had never posted an ERA under 4.00 over parts of five major league seasons.  He was the forgotten man in the rotation, but he wasn’t afraid to scribble himself in there and say “HI YOU GUYS!”

McCarthy doesn’t disappoint with his tweets, even though he set the standard so high right off of the bat with that picture/drawing.  On Thanksgiving Day, during Nickelback’s halftime show, he gave this perfect observation:

Simple and to the point.  During a time when thousands of people were trying to make fun of Nickelback at the same time, McCarthy buried them all.

But will an athlete, a public figure like McCarthy, that not only has to represent himself but has to represent the A’s and MLB, be  willing to tweet about himself in a way that is both funny and edgy?  I mean, is he going to censor himself or not be willing to make fun of himself?  I think the real key to any comedian is that they make fun of themselves first.  Can he do that?

Bravo Brandon.

Most comics grow up using comedy as a self-defense mechanism and are able to harness that creative energy into being a “funny person” later in life.  Typically, this doesn’t seem to happen with the jocks, cheerleaders, or guys in a band.  (Please note the important use of the letter “a” being that a guy is in A band not in THE band.)

Why would Brandon possibly need to defend himself?

“Hey, nice FASTBALL dork!”

“Way to be a top baseball player LAME-O!”

“Your brother Denny would have been drafted in the first round if he had made it back from ‘Nam” – Brandon’s father

What happened during the 2011 season was actually quite ironic (I think. It did not involve spoons or rainy wedding days) in that McCarthy kind of became the staff ace.  The forgotten man had stepped up and become the most reliable, consistent pitcher on the staff while two of the rotation members went down with injury and the other two were just recently traded.

I’m sorry that your friends are gone Mr. McCarthy, but you have plenty more on Twitter that will always be there for you!

For more hilarity, be sure to follow his wife @Mrs_McCarthy32 and his buddy @BrettAnderson49

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