Bulletpoints Movie Review: Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie

February 6, 2012 § Leave a comment

  • Ooooh… I think you’re gonna like what you see.  Ooooh..
  • If you don’t like Tim & Eric, don’t fuckin’ watch it then.  The rest of this is obviously not for you.
  • If you do like Tim & Eric, I think you’re gonna like what you see, ooohh…  It’s a 90 minute episode of Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job!  That’s basically as basic as I can put it, except that they are able to do some shit that you can’t ever un-see.  So be prepared for that.
  • If you don’t even know who Tim & Eric are, then I would probably watch a few episodes of Awesome Show before you watch Billion Dollar Movie.  Find out first if this comedy is for you.  Because it’s not for everybody.  It’s the only kind of comedy that I love that I could understand why other people would absolutely hate it.
  • This is Tim Heidecker:

  • This is Eric Wareheim:

  • Or this is Tim Heidecker

  • And this is Eric Wareheim

  • This is Tim & Eric:

  • I mean, they are a couple of freaks.  I don’t mean that in a bad way, but the weird shit that I think about that I never tell anyone about?  They not only tell other people, they re-create those fucked up ideas and now they’re putting it on the big screen.
  • They like to come up with weird words like Schlaaang and Dobis.  They like to have celebrity cameos (Will Ferrell, Jeff Goldblum, John C. Reilly, Zach Galifinakis) and then have those celebrities do weird shit.  My personal favorite being anything with Ray Wise.
  • Tim has scenes with his new son Jeffrey that might be the most uncomfortable thing I have ever witnessed.  It’s well worth the price of seeing the movie.
  • Tim and Eric take TV and turn it on it’s head and that’s the same  thing that they do with Billion Dollar Movie, poking fun at classic movie cliches and taking it to 17 levels beyond where anyone else would.  The opening sequence I’m sure will absolutely kill in a theater full of Tim & Eric fans.  Or would it?
  • It seems like a lot of Tim & Eric “die-hard fans” hated this movie and called it a “Slap in the Face” to Awesome Show.  Ehhh.. get over yourself “Die hard fan” and stop claiming you get their humor more than they get their humor.  Just enjoy that you get more of Tim & Eric.  Some people are just dying for their favorite people to make a movie just so they can say “Man, I liked these guys before they were big!”   Go fucking be a hipster to some shitty emo band, not to Tim & Eric.
  • Just by saying that, I can guarantee that many of these reviewers indeed did not “get it.”
  • I give it 999,999,999 out of a billion.  
  • Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (of which I didn’t even speak of the plot, because who cares?) is in theaters on March 2nd, but you can get it on iTunes or OnDemand right now.  So stop reading this and start giving the Schlaaang Corporation your money and learn about Dobis and the Shrim health center.
  • I think you’re gonna like what you see.  Oooohhh.

Bulletpoints Movie Review: 50/50

January 14, 2012 § 3 Comments

  • I haven’t been a Seth Rogen fan for quite some time.
  • Seriously Rogen, you’ve been an actor for long enough that you should be able to play somebody else besides “Seth Rogen.”  Why don’t they just name every character he plays “Seth Rogen”?
  • I know that a lot of actors play themselves or don’t have much range, but even Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell change their personas when they do more serious roles.  50/50 is a movie about cancer and he was no different than he was in Funny People or Knocked Up.  He was Seth Rogen.
  • I haven’t been a fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt for quite some time.
  • I just don’t think he’s a very good actor and is quite overrated and now he’s showing up in everything.  I know it’s popular now to turn TV stars into movie stars, but 3rd Rock from the Sun was like 15 years ago.
  • This might have been the first time I kind of liked him.
  • I have been a fan of Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air) for not very long, but I’ve only ever seen her in that one movie.  Okay, I might have caught PART of that Twilight movie.
  • She’s the kind of girl you bring home to Mom.  You know, because she’s a super hot movie star.  That’s all.  I would bring Sasha Grey home to Mom too.  Since when did I start dating girls based on what my mom thinks?
  • Movies about cancer are interesting but rarely funny.  This wasn’t really an exception.  They are interesting but not funny.  Did you watch The Big C?  Well, I did, and it’s a sitcom on Showtime and I think I giggled once.  But I watched the whole season.
  • How many more times is Anna Kendrick going to play a young female “hot shot” that’s new to the job?  I don’t think that type-casting will work when she’s 27, unless she’s playing the first female President of the United States who is really smart but not sure how to handle the responsibilities of the job.
  • Bryce Dallas Howard is in this movie.  I had to go to IMDB to find out that Bryce Dallas Howard is not Evan Rachel Wood.
  • I’ve now seen like five movies that Bryce Dallas Howard was in, and I still don’t recognize her.
  • I’d totally take her home to mom and my mom would say “Oh, I loved you in The Wrestler.” and then I’d be like “Mom, that was Evan Rachel Wood.” and then I’d look at my girlfriend Bryce and sort of give her a look like, “Right?”
  • Nothing really happens in the movie.  I mean, sure, he has cancer and then he has to deal with that and with his relationships and then Rogen is there for no apparent reason, but nothing really happens.  I don’t know how you can have a movie about cancer where none of the characters overcome any adversities.
  • Seth Rogen serves no purpose.  He’s just a guy who isn’t a very good friend even though we are being told “Oh yeah, he’s totally a good friend.”  He’s a selfish person and yet that serves no real purpose either.
  • The movie is set in Seattle for no apparent reason, other than people wear flannel shirts and girls have short hair and glasses.
  • The exposition in the movie has no subtlety.  The first shot in the movie is Gordon-Levitt being too cautious to cross on a “DONT WALK” sign while no cars are in sight.  Then you find out he doesn’t drive even though he’s 27 years old.
  • He got back cancer, but it seems to me he really had pussy cancer.
  • This movie wasn’t that funny and almost every plot twist and the ending could be seen from a mile away.
  • If you absolutely love watching Seth Rogen being Seth Rogen and you think that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a good actor, than this movie is for you.
  • This movie has an 8.1 on IMDB!  I guess I’m in the minority that Rogen isn’t enough comedic relief without James Franco and that Levitt isn’t a lead actor, but I might watch it again for Kendrick and Bryce Dallas Howard.  This movie could have used at least three more people with “three name” names.
  • I give it a score of 25/50 because it’s watchable and because of Kendrick but ultimately I think that it needs a whole lot more chemotherapy.

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