January 23, 2012 § 5 Comments
This week I will be performing in a karaoke competition with an iPad2 as the grand prize to the winner. I want that damn iPad.
I would never purchase an iPad in my current financial state (ladies?) but win one of those portable time-wasters? Hell yeah. I’m not an Apple fanboy, but I recognize it’s superior product. I don’t have an iPhone, but I do rock an iMac and a Macbook Pro. I’m working my way up the fanboy ladder.
In preparation for winning this competition, I’ve chosen one of my favorite songs of all-time: End of the Road by none other than the Boyz that later grew up and became Men. Also known as Boyz II Men and not to be confused with Boyz IV Men or Boys 2: Men.
Boyz II Men were a major part of my high school experience, and I was not ashamed to rock out to their ballads, dreaming that one day I too would grow up and become a man and sing these songs to women. I’m still waiting for that day, but I picture it happening some time before Marty McFly saves his older self and retrieves the Sports Almanac.
I had to re-visit the song though and make sure that I had it down perfectly. I could recite the whole song with ease, except for Michael’s spoken word plea to his ex. This is a critical part of winning the karaoke competition, as it both A.) Stops me from singing and B.) Makes the girls go “woo!”
Seriously, it’s tactics like this that will have to win me that iPad.
I’ve been singing the song over and over again on my way to and from work. Watching it on YouTube and reading the lyrics over and over again, just to get a perfect grasp on it so that my clean perfection of the words masks my complete inability to come close to Wanye’s “AND BABY JUST DON’T LET ME GOOOOOO!!!!”
In doing this however, I’ve come to the realization that this song is sad. Not sad in the way that “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” is but sad in the way that an R. Kelly song is sad.
Dude, the Boyz II Men were with a girl, they were dedicated to a girl, they loved a girl, and then the girl cheated on them. According to Michael, this wasn’t just a one time deal. She had a straight up affair and “all those times… ran out with that other fella.”
Guys… this chick sucks. You need to realize that it’s good to be at the End of the Road with this one. You’re the Boyz II Men, you don’t need this in your life.
I won’t go over the whole song, but here are some key parts:
We belong together
And you know that I am right
Why do you play with my heart?
Why do you play with my mind?
Interpretation: This starts out as a heartful, “Hey, love you! Kisses!” and turns into “Stop fucking with me!” very quickly.
Boyz, if you know that she’s playing mind games with you, then maybe you should move onto the next one.
Said we’d be forever
Said it’d never die
How could you love me and leave me and never
Interpretation: She’s a liar! This girl sounds TERRIBLE!
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head
Oh, I’d rather be dead
Spinning around and around
Interpretation: Yeesh. We just found out that the Boyz are suicidal! It seems like they want to get to the very end of the road. And all over a chick that so far we have found out is manipulative and a liar that just ups and leaves without even saying goodbye.
Girl, I know you really love me
You just don’t realize
You’ve never been there before
Your first time
Interpretation: You’re starting to creep me out Nathan, Michael, Shawn, and Wanye. It seems pretty clear that this chick does not love you, yet you keep telling her that she does and she’s just confused. That’s some restraining order shit.
Also, you were messing with a girl that had never been in a relationship before and her actions surprise you? Have you guys ever been in a relationship before? You’re old enough and famous enough and talented enough to not worry about girls that have never been there before.
Maybe I’ll forgive you
Maybe you’ll try
Interpretation: Now it’s a maybe? I thought this whole song was you forgiving her and that she just needs to come back to you. Don’t start wavering now. Either commit or back off (as you clearly should.)
Will you love me again
Like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead
Just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me go
Interpretation: Love me. Love me more than you did before. Just come to my bed and don’t let me go.
So, if I’m reading that right, she loved you a lot less than a girl that would only come to your bed? Boyz, did you even really date this girl? It sounds like you’re just stalkers to be honest.
Michael, speak it!
All those times at night
When you just hurt me
And just ran out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it
I just didn’t care
You just don’t understand how much I love
I’m here for you
Interpretation: You’re here for her?! YOU. ARE HERE. FOR HER?!!! Mikey, please understand that she was the one cheating on you. And you just told her that you knew about it and did not care. What do you think she’s going to do in regards to cheating during the second go-around?
I don’t like your stance on infidelity.
I’m not about to go out on cheat you
Just like you did
But baby that’s alright
I love you anyway
Interpretation: IT’S NOT ALRIGHT! Forgiving a person is one thing. Telling them that they did nothing wrong and let’s do this again and you keep runnin’ out with that other fella is not!
Yes baby, my heart is lonely
Interpretation: No shit you’re lonely.
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
You belong to me
I belong to you
Interpretation: Out of context, the chorus is great. In context, what the fuck?
This girl sucks. Stop writing songs for her. Stop saying that it’s cool to her to run out with a bunch of other fellas. I honestly don’t know if this chick ever cared for you. You deserve better BIIM.
That ends my mini rant on End of the Road, and I will still be singing this song this week because it makes the girls swoon and the guys question their orientation because of the hotness I bring on stage.
iPadIIMen, here I come.