December 29, 2011 § Leave a comment
The New Year is approaching, which means that New Years Eve is almost here. I remember when that used to mean something, and the only reason it doesn’t mean anything anymore is because everything you hear about New Year’s Eve is wrong.
December 31st is the most overrated day of the year.
I’m not really a negative person, but I will be honest about calling out overrated events for what they are. The build-up of something like NYE almost always lead to disappointment. We grow up for years hearing that NYE for adults is the most wild blowout sexfest of the year, and then when we become adults we find out that it never turns out that way. It’s not much different than a Friday, except that it’s a lot more crowded.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have fun on New Years, it just means that there are a lot of myths about the holiday. And those myths can lead to dangerous things. Like this:
Here are 10 Myths we need to dispel for kids growing up so they don’t get the wrong idea on New Years:
1. You Can Finally Get That Kiss
Its 11:55. You walk up to the girl you’ve been eyeing all night long. You introduce yourself, “Hi, I’m Tad.” She says “Hello” and gives you a come hither look.
“Got anyone to kiss at midnight?” you ask.
“Well no, Tad, I don’t,” she replies.
You look deeply into her eyes for 4 minutes and 32 seconds and finally at the stroke of midnight you break the awkward silence by placing your hand on the small of her back, tilting her body ever so slightly, and as the crowd yells “HAPPY NEW YEARS!” you give her the most passionate, seductive, romantic kiss of her life. The only thing missing is a rainstorm falling down upon you and your New Years romance.
Or in my case: “Hey! Kiss?”
“GROSS, GET OUT OF HERE LOSER!”
On every other night, “No means no,” but on New Years, “No” means “You ain’t got no alibi.”
2. When Dick Clark Dies, There Won’t Be Any More New Years
This is just false. Dick Clark died in 1996 of typhoid and the Mayan’s have been covering it up ever since, so that when they destroy the earth on Dec. 21, 2012, they can fake Dick Clark’s death on Dec. 20th and blame him.
3. The Bar/Club is AWESOME. It’s only a $120 cover!
What’s more appealing: Getting drunk with your friends at the bar on Saturday, July 22nd, in your favorite busy-but-not-too-crowded pub or managing to get a single $17 drink after waiting for 2 hours in a crowd of drunk people? At a certain point it can be so jam-packed that you’re basically being taken back out to the middle of the bar by the current and you don’t even realize it until it’s too late.
If you do want to have a fun time on New Years, throw or go to a party where you know there won’t be too many people. Where it will be your closest friends, pals, and confidants.
Even if the Cloverfield monster winds up destroying the city and eating your friends, at least you know whose ass you’re touching.
4. You’ll always remember this night!
You’ll never remember this night.
Last year we went to Pasadena, sight of the Rose Bowl Parade on January 1st. The streets were crowded with people, many of them with sleeping bags and hot cocoa as they prepared to brave the night in preparation for having a front row seat to the big event.
My friends and I stumbled to Barney’s, it was filled to the brim with people, but we had already drank enough alcohol that another drink was not necessary.
This is what I remember about New Years 2011. Only this.
We all woke up in different places the next morning. One of my friends woke up inside of a store, sleeping on an antique couch. We’ll never know how he actually got in.
I’ll never forget the next day, but I’ll never remember New Years Eve.
5. The Ball dropping in Times Square is AMAZING!
Talk about a perfect microcosm for New Years Eve. ”THE BALL IS DROPPING! THE BALL IS DROPPING!” No, the Ball, whatever the hell it is supposed to be, is slowly descending towards the top of the building. Let’s just look at the clock. Have we not advanced beyond things like, say, an hourglass to measure time?
Besides, its only 8:59 PST where I’m at.
However, that doesn’t mean that the idea isn’t sound. It’s just not executed properly. When The Ball (caps because The Ball is it’s name) drops, let’s borrow a page from Indiana Jones and have that 6-ton sucker roll down the streets of New York and whoever makes it makes it.
Now, THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT.
6. Auld Lang Syne is the song of New Years!
Here are the traditional English lyrics to Auld Lang Syne, which roughly translated means “Old Long Since “or “Days Gone By”
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne
And then it just sort of goes on like that.
My interpretation of those lyrics is:
Should we just forget about those people that don’t matter
The ones from high school that added us on Facebook that we really weren’t all that close to?
I mean, should we just pretend like they don’t exist
And move on with our lives?
Let’s move on and get wasted.
The new song of New Years tradition might be “Let’s Get Retarded” by The Black Eyed Peas, which coincidentally, also just repeats the same ten words over and over again.
7. Best. Party. Ever.
People spend weeks, sometimes months, planning for just this one night. ”What are we going to do?” “Where are we going to go?” “Who are we going to do?”
It’s just build-up, build-up, build-up, and what oftentimes when we over-hype a single event, we get Watchmen.
Things are typically overrated because of where we rated our expectation level of them in contrast to their actual success. Is Derek Jeter overrated? Well, he’s not the greatest baseball player, shortstop, or Yankee of all-time, so if you think he’s any of those things, then yes… You have overrated him quite a bit. But do most people believe those things about Derek Jeter? Only Yankee fans that find themselves blind to the truth because of their fandom seem to believe this. Which is understandable, but still incorrect.
It got to the point where Jeter became underrated because of how loud the majority had to get in saying “JETER ISN’T THAT GOOD!” because truthfully he’s still one of the top 20 baseball players of the last 20 years. He’s just not the greatest.
It’s getting to that point where people consistently say that New Years is the “BEST PARTY OF THE YEAR!” and then are constantly disappointed, and a now lot of people call it overrated.
So, is New Years now underrated? No, because people still have hope every year that THIS is going to be the NYE that FINALLY blows them all out of the water. Every year is unique. Every different event that you go to promises fun unlike ever before. You get as many chances as years you’re alive and finally THIS will be the year. And then it isn’t.
Besides, Tim Stackhouse’s 1991 Graduation Party for Meadowdale High was the Best. Party. Ever. and that’s just a scientific fact. Don’t you remember when Stacy made out with Tiffany and Donnie puked in the pool?
Do I hate New Years Eve? No. Not at all. I’ve had good times on NYE. That doesn’t mean that it’s not overrated though or that the expectation that it’s going to be the “biggest blowout of the year!” doesn’t put a damper on it when the night was “just pretty cool.”
Take it for what it is; another chance to get crazy with your friends and make mistakes. One mistake I won’t be making this year is believing I’ll do anything but blacking out or that I have an alibi. I ain’t got no alibi.
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