My 99 Problems: Small Talk, Big Problem

October 2, 2012 § 11 Comments

Enough with the small talk.

That’s it.  That’s all I mean.  I don’t mean, “Let’s get down to business.”  What I mean to say is, can we just stop having small talk ever?  As a race, as Americans, as human beings… The last thing that I put on my “To-Do List” this morning when I woke up and cried in the shower was: “Must run into Cathy and find out what she thinks about rain.”

I remember high school.  It was not my favorite four years and so that’s all I ever want to do with high school: REMEMBER IT.  Leave it in the past.  I will never be able to forget it, so instead I’m fine with keeping it right where it is, which is stashed between my first rejection in the seventh grade and my first rejection in community college.  So when I run into somebody that I “know” from school in public, there’s no reason for us to re-live any of it.

In fact, is that even what we’re doing?  Are we re-living it or are we holding onto it while you tell me what you did after you graduated and where you’re working now because this is something I need to know since you dated Jim for three weeks.  Or because we had English together and were in the same group once.  I’m not trying to be a dick about it and act like my experiences and life are better than yours, because they’re not and that’s the point.

My life is boring to everyone except me and my closest inner-circle.  Everybody’s life is really fucking boring.  EVERYBODY.  Why do you think that when a network sets up a reality show with celebrities, rich people, or the flavor of the month (Hi, Honey Boo Boo) they all of a sudden have to sign up for a “blow job class” or go to a haunted house?  Why do you think that after a couple of seasons of the Real World they made them get  jobs and take a trip to Fiji?

Because this shit (life) is boring.  

Oh sure, we have our moments.  That’s why we have stories.  We have.. like… four stories.  Each. By law.  Those four stories take up about 3.5 hours of our lives and then the rest of it is: wake-up, shower, go to work, go home, eat something, sleep.  Maybe you do stuff for entertainment on the weekends and go see a movie but then what story are you left with?

“Yeah, I saw What To Expect When You’re Expecting this weekend!”

“Oh wow.  Tell me more!”

“There isn’t anything more!”

“OH! COOL!” /collapses /dies

Years ago I was walking through the mall and on my way into Nordstrom’s when I saw some girl from high school walking out.  I don’t remember her name or face at this point but I’ll never forget that moment.  We recognized each other but our only acquaintanceship was that I had a crush on one of her best friends and we all went to lunch a couple of times.  You feel this gross magnetic force pulling you into a person when you make eye contact and realize that you “know” them but I did everything in my power to stop it except that I couldn’t.  This was happening.

“Hey, how are you?!”

“I’m good.”

There was about two seconds of silence as we stared shallowly into each others eyes and I realized that this was as far as I was willing to take it.  I said “fuck it” and decided that this was my chance to man-up and finally say what we all want to say in this very moment.  I literally threw my hands up in the air and said, “Well, that’s it.  See ya.”

Just end it, rip the band-aid off, let go of this need to all of a sudden “catch up” and make small talk with a person you haven’t seen in four years.  What’s the worst that could happen?  They’ll hate you?  That could get really awkward when you run into them again in 2016 and still have nothing to say to each other.

The final point in the matter that I want to bring up is the technological elephant in the room that actually managed to capture this awkward moment and stretch it out forever: Facebook.

Holy shit, fuck facebook!

In the beginning, I accepted all friend requests.  “A FRIEND?!  OH BOY I DON’T HAVE MANY OF THOSE SO YES I WILL ACCEPT BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I’M ONLY AT 101 :(  BUT NOW I AM AT 102!!!!”

Over time you realize that all Facebook has done is sully the reputation of what it means to be a friend.  “We saw each other in the hallway once during junior year.  You dropped your apple.  I saw you pick it up and continue eating it without wiping it off and despite the fact that the open side of the apple had touched the floor.  We made eye contact and I rolled my eyes at you but decided not to ever tell another soul.  This is our moment.  This is our only moment.  ACCEPT FRIEND REQUEST?”

When you started to realize that the number of “friends” you had on your Facebook account was nothing more than a status symbol, it should have been the moment you started to realize that the whole site is a sham.  A lie we tell ourselves and then relay to other people, even in silent, knowing that they’ll know how many “friends” you have when they check your page.  I have not deleted my Facebook account but I did do one thing: I looked at all my “friends” and realized that I could get rid of at least 60% just by unfriending anyone who I hadn’t physically spoken to in five years.

WHY THE FUCK ARE WE FRIENDS?!  SHIT AT LEAST I WOULD HAVE FELT BAD ABOUT THIS IF YOU AND I HAD EVEN HAD FACEBOOK CONTACT LIKE A ‘LIKE’ OR COMMENT IN THE LAST THREE YEARS SINCE YOU ADDED ME BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENED SO FUCK YOU AND FUCK OFF.

I don’t need that awkward moment stretched out until the day that I die, even if it’s as a lonely friendless loser lying in a fetal position in my bathtub full of tears, blood and human waste because one thing I’ll know is that I didn’t die with 350 faux friends or having spent 713 hours of my life locked in an uncomfortable laser beam of conversation that included such hot topics as “What Tiffany had for breakfast this morning” and “Where Jason gets his pants.”

It’s useless.  It’s dumb.  It will not advance you in life one iota.  Since that moment in the mall, one of the most freeing moments of my life, all I have left to say is:

/shrugs. walks away.

 

 

Fetlife: Holy WTF? S&M Online Dating? There’s An App For That!

March 10, 2012 § 27 Comments

I’d like to say that I’m pretty normal in the bedroom.  Perhaps I’m doing it wrong.

In the Freshly Pressed! (that won’t get old soon) article about my doubts on Online Dating, there were several suggestions on different dating sites including many familiar ones as well as ones I had never heard of before.  Out of curiosity, and just because I’m willing to try a new site, I checked them out.

Forgive me for never having heard of “Fetlife” before, but I immediately realized why I hadn’t.

It’s not that I have anything against sexual fetishes or getting your groove on in unusual ways (like using knives with actual grooves) but as of now I have only tried the normal penis-vagina stuff.  Doesn’t that make you feel better Mom?!?!  The only leather your son has ever used is in his sweet re-imaginings of Grease!  Hmmm.. maybe that is also concerning.

It turns out that Fetlife is a social networking site for people with unusual sexual fetishes, S&M, group sex, and other HBO’s Real Sex-type stuff so that they can meet up and get a little nuts.  Hey, that’s cool.  Nothing wrong with finding other like-minded individuals for some strange.  (Literally, strange.)

I was curious to see more, but you have to actually join to get past the first wall.  It’s free though, so I just signed up and started to browse and let me tell you what, there’s a whole lotta nasty goin’ on in Los Angeles!

You can’t really do any specific searching.  All you’re able to do is find people in a certain city and then you must go page after page looking around and seeing if anyone fits your needs.  Perhaps you want to dominate someone or perhaps you want someone to rub Nutella on your nuts, fella, but you gotta devote your time searching.

Here’s an example of a page and the 13,000+! “Kinksters” in Los Angeles:

I’ve obviously scratched out the important bits to protect the anonymity and I hope Fetlife is okay with that otherwise they’ll send someone to my apartment to tie me up and beat me.  Unless it turns out that I like that sort of thing.

If I ever did decide that I wanted to “Fet it on,” then I’d have to figure out what kind of a fetish guy I was.  What’s my role?  Here are my choices:

  • Dominant: Only when it comes to the remote.
  • Submissive: Well, I am already used to being told what to do.
  • Switch: Well, I am slightly ambidextrous.  So, I could get used to this too.
  • Slave: Offensive.
  • Pet: Depends on what kind of pet.  I’d be a cat, but I don’t want to go around in real life saying “I CAN HAZ.”  I’ve never owned a dog, so I probably wouldn’t be very good at that.  I had a hamster when I was a kid, but I don’t want to be accidentally killed.
  • Top or Bottom: I always chose the bottom bunk because I was worried the bed would fall over.
  • Sadist, Masochist, or Sadomasochist: Huh, I had no idea that not only were these three things different, but that they could go together.  Could I be a masodist?  Or a Mastodon?  Yeah, I want to be a Mastodon.   They’d probably call me a Masto-domme.  I just invented a fetish term.
  • Vanilla: I don’t know what this is supposed to mean, but no.  Rocky Road.

When filling out your “Fetformation” (not the best pun ever) they also give you the option to say up front what level of BDSM you are ready for right now:

I wrote in “I’m Only Really Doing This For My Blog”

Fetlife also lets you join different “Groups” of like-minded individuals, the most popular of which is “Kinky and Geeky.”  Hmmm.. Maybe this IS something I can get into!  The 2nd most popular is “Novices and Newbies” and hey that’s me too!

However, I do believe that I’ve gotten my use out of Fetlife just by writing this piece.  That being said, there’s nothing wrong with doing unusual stuff in your dungeon.  Just because I only use it for dragon slaying and fantasy baseball drafts, I would never judge anyone for having kinky sex in there.  Conceptually speaking, I think it’s awesome that Fetlife exists for people that want to meet other people that can fit there wants and needs.  In that way, it’s probably even more successful than a regular dating site.

I wish you all the best of luck on Fetlife.  May your whips be cracked hard and your chains be strong.  May your gimps be submissive and not get sliced in half by Bruce Willis.  May your BDSM be Bold Delightful Stupendous and Magnificent!

I just hope that nobody ever got to Fetlife.com when they were searching for Metlife.com.  Though if they did, they’d probably say “Now, I’m really going to need insurance.”

Social Media Awareness: What I’ve Learned After a Year on Twitter

March 5, 2012 § 7 Comments

“How does Twitter work?  Who is it for?  I tried it and I don’t get it.”

This was a question that my mom asked me in December.  Not entirely surprising that our parents generation wouldn’t completely understand a “new technology” but at the same time, it didn’t take our parents long to become more obsessed with Facebook than I ever was.  It seemed like our parents were dominating that website much more than young adults were by the time it had become the most popular website in the world and maybe that’s why many people were wondering if Twitter was an escape from that.

However, not understanding Twitter isn’t a generational thing.  My friends have asked me the exact same question and even I was unsure of how Twitter worked until about a year ago.

The most popular trend I see with people signing up for Twitter: They sign up, they don’t understand it, they’re not going back to Twitter ever again within a week.  Because they don’t have any Followers, they don’t have a need to tweet, so does that mean that Twitter isn’t useful to them?  Well, no, because Twitter isn’t actually about YOU.  I know, that’s a really difficult concept to grasp in this era of social media.

Facebook is about sharing YOUR life and also keeping in touch with others.  But it’s still mostly about you.  And that selfishness is what allows us to keep in touch with everyone we know from around the world.  So people go to Twitter and they believe that because it’s called “Social Media” then it must be about sharing, right?

Yes, it is about sharing but it’s not necessarily about sharing about yourself.  That’s the hard part to grasp.  That’s the reason that Twitter probably has millions of wasted accounts because people showed up to the party and didn’t understand the game so they went back to where they feel comfortable: Facebook and RedTube.

I had to go back to my “wasted account” when I finally found my own use for Twitter and then I finally started to understand it.  It doesn’t take long to get a grasp on the why’s and how’s of Twitter but you do have to give it an honest shot before you’ll understand what Twitter is really for.  This is some of what I’ve learned in the last year:

Twitter IS NOT Facebook.  Nobody On Twitter Cares About What You’re Doing.

With that being said, I still find it hard to believe that anyone on Facebook gives a shit about what you had for lunch or that you’re buying shoes for your kitten, but I’ll stay on topic here.  If there is a place for that, it’s Facebook.  Twitter is not for sharing your life.

But those damn celebrities have given you the wrong impression because Ashton Kutcher might say mundane shit and so you think “Oh cool, this is where I can say mundane shit!”  Except that the idea behind Twitter is about giving people 140 characters of something useful.  It’s hard to justify what you’re doing as being useful information to anyone in the world except you.

Comedian @JoeMande, TwitterFamous for ragging on celebrities on Twitter, probably said it best when he said: “I don’t know why anyone would use Twitter if you’re not a comedy writer or a journalist. I don’t know why anyone else would want to read the thoughts of anyone who wasn’t funny or had useful information to share.”

The only things you can really make useful in 140 characters is news and a laugh.  I write for five different websites, so I am trying to share my writing with the world and I also try to make you laugh.  Whether or not you do, that’s up to you, but even if you’re not funny at least if you’re tweeting a joke then at least you’re trying to give me something useful in 140 characters.

What am I going to do with the information that it turns out your baby doesn’t like apple sauce?

The most difficult concept of Twitter that people can’t get a grasp on and why we all say “What the fuck is it?!?!” before we use it, is that Twitter is actually something that most people should use as a news source and not as a place to actually tweet anything.  The awesome part is that you can follow your favorite journalists and comedians and feel like you’re connected to them because you can actually ask them direct questions and they might actually respond.  But Twitter isn’t necessarily about you.  That’s Facebook.  Do that on Facebook.

Trends Are Usually the Bane of American Existence

Ugh.  Twitter trends.  At first, this seems like your ticket to a million followers!  What’s trending?  Okay, let’s go with that!  Understanding trends is another key step in understanding Twitter and here’s the thing about trends: Most of us are fucking idiots :(

The only use of a trend is that when news breaks, you might find out something important.  After all, when a celebrity dies or something major happens, it’s very likely that millions of us are now finding that information on Twitter.  The reason that it’s so important is that we now have up-to-the-second news.  When something happens, the power of social media is able to spread it to all of us in a matter of moments.  Imagine taking Paul Revere and shrinking him down to the size of an atom and then multiplying him by 10 billion and sending him at light speeds through millions of tubes that reach every nook and cranny of America… that’s how news breaks now.

Those are the tiny moments of trends that are useful.  Then there’s the majority of trends that just make me sad about how un-funny, un-original, dramatic, and crazy most of America is.  Just as an example, I’m going to look at what’s trending right now:

Well there’s Stevie Johnson and Arian Foster, which I get because they signed new contracts today in the NFL.  This is important NFL news and that’s how I found out about these signings.

We also have #SongsThatWillAlwaysBump, #SometimesYouHaveTo, #middlefingerup

I don’t think that “sigh” is a strong enough word anymore.

The funny thing is that two of the top three tweets are #middlefingerup to cancer.  Which is like, “Yeah! Fuck cancer!”  I get that.  It’s awesome that if you have a good cause, Twitter is also a way to spread the cause amazingly quick and to millions of people.

The third top tweet is “#middlefingerup to Monday.” by Will Ferrel Parody.  First of all, that’s not even funny.  It’s not even a joke.  It’s so god damn unoriginal and basic.  This was the best #middlefingerup joke out of all of them?  Second of all, this is what people found to be as important as #middlefingerup to cancer and now you’ve got millions of people saying really useless #middlefingerup tweets like “to the people who are way too jealous of me”, “to the bitch that turned that good guy into a dog!”, “to all u fake people”, and “to the people who are sexy and they know it.”

Those are just the first four in the list.  It’s all just so stupid.  So useless.  Not only do trends suck, but people like Will Ferrel Parody who just use it to be trending make me sick.  And that account has 1 million followers.  A million.  To the point where a Will Ferrel Parody account is actually incredibly powerful because he can reach a million people in a second and when you can reach that many people that quickly, you’re basically more powerful than NBC because they haven’t reached a million people at once since Must See TV.

I fucking hate trends more now than I did in high school.

I Never Thought I’d Hate a SexBot

Slowly and surely, greed will destroy the human race.  It’s just that right now, it’s destroying many parts of the internet.  Spam and junk mail destroyed Hotmail as an e-mail service.  Just before MySpace was going to be completely useless and overtaken by Facebook anyway, it became an absolute joke when accounts were easily hacked and every post on your wall was about a $25 itunes gift card.

I don’t know if it’s genius or terrifying, but those same greedy bastards that sent out millions of spam e-mails and took down MySpace are also the same people that doubled your followers.  So it’s almost bittersweet, though in our hearts we know that many of them are fake.  Eventually, the SexBots are removed but at first it can be a little disheartening to think “Oh hey, new follower!” and then see that it’s just a link to cam4sex or something.  You just have to ignore the followers number and just keep doing your thing.

The Best Way to Become Popular is to Just Already Be Popular.  But Keep Working at it.  You’ll Get There.

Like I said before, I started getting back into writing a year ago.  In a year I’ve moved from a few articles a week on one website with a couple thousand hits a day, to five websites and 25 articles a week with an audience of over 10,000 people at any given time.  Those are rough numbers, but I know that I have a reach unlike anything I had in the beginning.

I have that reach and yet I still only eclipsed 300 followers last month.  If you are a hot girl and you join Twitter today, you’ll have more than 300 followers by the time you’re done reading this sentence.

I’m not bitter about it though.  I have been working very hard for this last year and I am still in disbelief sometimes that there are people that actually read what I have to say and think I don’t suck.  I’m very grateful for that.  And it’s crazy to me that people actually pay me to write.  That’s insane.  And hopefully if I keep working hard at it, I’ll be able to call writing my full-time job.  However, it’s still important (and I hate to say this) to have a lot of followers on Twitter, because this is the world we live in now.  Your reach matters.

Back when MySpace first grew in popularity, it was all about how many friends you had.  That was the most important thing to people.  How many friends do I have and why does that person have more friends than me I hate myself!!!  I believe the rumor is that Tila Tequila, the first Social Media celebrity, moved from Friendster to MySpace because Friendster had a 500 friend limit.  Well, that simply would not do for her, so she went to MySpace and all of a sudden it exploded.

Then we all went to Facebook and people were still really concerned how many friends they had, including myself.  It was honestly important to me and I would have accepted all friend requests and added people just because I knew they would accept because, “Hey, one more friend!”  But as we get older, we realize, “God damn, that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard of.”

It doesn’t fucking matter how many Facebook friends you have.  When I realized how stupid that was, I unfriended… and unfriended… and unfriended.. until I had almost unfriended half of my “friends.”  It’s not because I’m a jerk, it’s because these people weren’t even close to being my actual friend.  I have like six real life friends.  Hey, my acquaintances might be cool ass people, but we have never actually call each other to hang out.  Why do I give a shit about what’s going on in your life?  Vice versa, why the hell should you care about what’s going on in mine?

Sorry, we’re not friends.  Actually, I’m not sorry and neither should you be.  We’re just not on friends and the “number” of friends I have couldn’t be less meaningful to me.

However, the number of “Followers” you have can be the most important thing depending on how you’re using Twitter.  I mean, very literally there are people on Twitter that made there dreams come true because of Twitter.  People like Megan Amram, who became a Twitter comedian celebrity and then was offered writing jobs that I pray to one day have.  If you’re already a celebrity, then you’re set, but to build from nothing into something takes a lot of work, luck, and doesn’t happen over night.

It’s all about re-tweets and favorites and only putting out quality material.  I’m trying my best and come a long way in a year thanks to what I’ve learned and how I apply that.  I’m not telling you how to use Twitter or trying to discourage you from tweeting, but hopefully what I’ve learned in a year is useful knowledge if you’re still wondering the same questions that my mom wonders.  “What is Twitter?”

It’s a lot of things.  But this has been an explanation of what it is to me.

 

 

 

Social Media Tips For When You’re Blackout Drunk

February 22, 2012 § Leave a comment

I’ll never remember the first time that I got blackout drunk.

But I do remember the situation surrounding that “lost time” and how I felt the next day.  It was shortly after high school graduation and some friends invited me over to a get-together at another friend’s house.  I was late to said party and by this time many of my pals and confidants were already getting pretty tipsy and I felt the need to catch up.

At this age, I couldn’t exactly BYOB so I had to make due with what I could find to drink at this girl’s house and what I found was a bottle of Black Label whiskey.  The “catch up” involved taking as many shots in succession as I could until I started to feel drunk.  Mind you, I was not much of a drinker.

Until I turned 21, I actually hardly ever broke that law and not because I was on some moral high ground but because the situation just didn’t arise that often.

So my inexperience led to improperly downing a lot of whiskey fast and furiously until before I knew it I was running around in the backyard with my shirt off, or so I am told.  That’s the part that’s really scary; when other people tell you what you did.   Holy shit, did I just erase some of my brain?  Am I permanently fucked up?  How could I possibly do things that I don’t remember?!  This was about eight years before The Hangover, so I didn’t really know what the hell was going on.

I sit here now, some 30+ blackouts later (oh geez, does that sound bad?) realizing that it ain’t no thang.  Or maybe it is a thang.  I don’t know, that’s just college, man.  And post-college.  And yesterday.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not like I get that drunk as often now as I did in college.  Most of that debauchery came during my three years at Washington State University and there was a two year period after that when I was in a relationship and hardly ever drank.  I can say with total honesty and confidence that I am in control but then lose that control of my own volition every so often.  I would be lying if I said I hadn’t blacked out in 2012.

Which brings us to the crux of this article and the point of how getting super wasted in 2012 is nothing like it was when I was 18.  When I drank all of that whiskey and ran around the backyard screaming at the top of my lungs, the only people that I could have shown that level of drunkenness to were my friends in that backyard.  That was it.  And they were drunk too, so who cares?

Ten years later we not only have Facebook and Twitter but we have 24-hour mobile access to those sites thanks to these damn cell phones.  “Oh Hi Mom, I’m FUCKED UP!”  On top of that, there was a situation not too long ago where I managed to get into my old Facebook messages and proceeded to message back every single one of those people with some random words of wisdom, including some people that I haven’t talked to in months or years and aren’t even friends with anymore.

This IS a problem.  Being blackout drunk I can handle.  Having that blackoutedness turn against me and sabotage my life?  No thanks.

Here are a few tips that I have learned along the way that I share with you now, that hopefully can save some of you from a morning full of regret:

Hide Your Phone, Hide Your Battery, and Hide Your Laptop Too Cause We Gettin’ Blacked Out Up In Here!

A few weeks ago when I decided to test out Battleshots, I was still in the process of potentially dating three girls.  I had gone out on three first dates recently and I did not know where any of those would lead but I knew that they wouldn’t lead anywhere if I got blacked out and started texting any of them.  (Or maybe it wouldn’t matter in some cases, but I’d rather not and not say that we did either.)

Since I have no capacity for rational thinking when I’m three sheets to the wind, I decided to make a preemptive strike against myself and take away access to my phone for the entire night.  I didn’t really see any need for it and figured that the only way I could avoid drunk texting was to get rid of the device.  I took my battery out of my phone and told my roommate to hide it from me.

Worked like a charm.  Mostly.

I didn’t text anyone, obviously, but when it came time for me to be my drunken self I needed to get out that energy of communicating with other people.  I hopped on my laptop and started Facebooking.  I started IM’ing someone that I hardly know and hadn’t spoken to in at least a year.  It’s just not a good habit to get into.

But getting rid of phone access was still a great idea.  When I woke up the next day, I felt hardly any regret the next day.  The slight amount of Facebook regret was no big deal because like I said, I hardly know that person.  Still, we can still do social media damage when we’re blacked out at the computer.

However, start to detach yourself from constant cell phone need.  I’ve left my cell at home before when I was going to go out drinking and I didn’t regret it for a second.  We’ve spent such a tiny an insignificant time of our existence as humans with cell phones, yet have acted like they’re impossible to live without.  They’re not that important.  You think you’re going to be in an emergency where you need your cell phone?  1. When’s the last time that situation happened to you and 2. Just ask ANY OTHER PERSON ON THE STREET if you need to make an emergency phone call.

There will be plenty of times where you go out and you need your phone, like if you’re meeting someone, etc.  There will also be plenty of times when you don’t.  And when I don’t, I strongly consider leaving the phone at home.  It’s actually not that important.

Send Out A Warning

There have been times where I have been at the beginning stages of a drinking binge where I have just flat out said, “Look, I’m gonna be pretty wasted in an hour.  Forgive me now or forever hold your peace.”  This can take place on Twitter, on Facebook, or in a text message.  It gives others a context of what’s about to happen.

If I don’t send out a warning I’ll usually still be forgiven, but it doesn’t hurt sometimes to just explain yourself beforehand rather than after the fact.

Just don’t let your friends take advantage of you based on the fact that they know you’re gonna be an easy target in a couple of hours for ridicule, embarrassment, and honesty.  I don’t know if that’s ever really happened to me, but I don’t really know anything that’s happened to me when I black out.  Unless you’ve visually left marks on my face in permanent marker, what happens in your blackout stage stays in your blackout stage.

Just Go With It And Fully Embrace Social Media + Drunkenness

My recent Drunk Live-Blogging Series is a perfect example of fully immersing yourself in the digital world when you’re completely fucked up.  I’ve decided that if I was going to be at a computer or on my phone while I’m drunk, I wasn’t going to half-ass it.  If anything, now at least I have a record of what happened.

Some amazing things can happen when you’re drunk.  Mostly really stupid things, but sometimes you’ll find a hidden gem inside yourself that you didn’t know was there.  Take that gem and make it into a ring and wear it on your pinky finger.

By live-tweeting and live-blogging when I’m drunk, I’ve sent out the warning to the world while at the same time giving myself over completely to the fact that it’s hard to escape it anyway.

We can’t exactly change who we are so much as we can change how we adapt to our surroundings.  I’m going to continue drinking for awhile and the world is never going to stop changing just because I don’t want to be drunk and on my phone or on the internet.  That’s a fact of life that I can not change, that I have no effect on.  The most I can do is go off of the grid, delete my Facebook (considered it), get off of Twitter (can’t do it), and stop making human connections and getting girl’s phone numbers (easier done than said.  What are “girls”?)

No Matter What, Have No Regrets

The most efficient way to combat regret of what you do when you’re drunk is to simply not regret it.  I admit to doing some stupid things when I’ve been drunk and I’ve actually killed several potential relationships by drunken phone calls and text messages.  That’s lame, but I wasn’t being a bad person or a malicious person, I’m just a very loving person when I’m drunk.

Maybe too loving.

But at the end of the day, I realized that we’re all just living in a fish tank and the consequences of my actions as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else, are simply insignificant.  This is the world that I live in.  This is the way that I have chose to live in it.  I can reduce my follies by following the above tips, but as long as I am young, dumb, and full of rum, I will probably be drunk on the internet and on my phone.  I have come to terms with that and I hope the rest of you have too.

It’s not changing.

Speaking of which, are you following me on Twitter?

 

A Brief History of Seattle Sports, as Told by the Digital Age

February 3, 2012 § Leave a comment

1959: Restaurant owner David Cohn, starts the movement.

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Seattle is open for business

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December 20, 1967: Majority owners Sam Schulman and Eugene Klein are awarded Seattle’s first major sports franchise.

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1969: Seattle Pilots Become City’s First Baseball Team!

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September 12, 1976: Seahawks first game

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April 6, 1977: Mariners First Game

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1979: Sonics Win City’s Only Professional Championship

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1995: Edgar Saves Baseball

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February 2, 1996: Ken Behring tries to move to the Seahawks.

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July 15, 1999: First game in Safeco

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March 26, 2000: Goodbye Kingdome

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2002: First Season in Seahawks Stadium

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2005: The Seahawks Go To the Super Bowl!

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2006: The Sonics are sold to Oklahoma City businessman Clay Bennett.

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June 2011: The Seahawks Home Stadium Suffers an Identity Crisis

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Technology as it relates to the Seattle professional sports franchises as of today:

The Seattle Supersonics:

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The Seattle Mariners

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The Seattle Seahawks:

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For more on my relationship with the information superhighway, follow me on Twitter.

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